awful T session

I had an awful T session. I didn't feel heard at all. I felt like she threw termination in my face way too fast. I just feel so awful. I feel like no one cares. I feel so worthless and stupid. I feel like I never should have trusted her. I feel so alone. And I don't know that there is any point in even going for my last three sessions. Apparently me talking about my feelings about termination is just a distraction from what we should be talking about. And I don't understand how that is since she was the one who brought it up in the first place. And she expects me to be able to trust her after such a short time. When I told her in the beginning that I wasn't going to be able to. I feel so worthless and stupid. Worthless because no one IRL cares and stupid because once again I thought they might. I just don't see the point anymore of even trying to do this work anymore. Nothing ever changes.

(((((((((((googley))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now I wish I knew just what to say to make it feel better.

It's impossibly hard when T doesn't hear us. My T didn't hear me on Tuesday, and it felt awful...but I know he cares about me. She can care about you AND not hear you. Although I know that doesn't make your yucky session any better.

Googley, I know just from these boards that you are caring, giving, honest, and hard-working. You are lovable and deserving of love. Be gentle with you

hi googley, sorry to hear that you had a crappy session today. mine was crappy this week too (and tree's it seems). just because we're connected through this site and it's online, doesn't mean it isn't "real life." i think it is real life, and many of us on here do care about you..

hang in there.

I wonder sometimes why some people are Ts. Urrrrrrr

(((((((((((((( googley ))))))))))))))

Googley, I'm sorry.

But don't T's start talking about termination when there are this many sessions left?

What did you say which you felt that she didn't hear?

It wasn't that she brought it up, it was how she brought it up. And then it didn't seem like she was listening to me about how hard this whole thing is for me to change Ts again. How painful it is for me to open up to someone and share. I felt like she was blaming me for us not getting more work done. That I should have been able to trust her more, when I told her when I first started seeing her that I have serious trust issues.

I'm so sorry, googley. I know I would not deal well with your situation if I was in your shoes. It is so hard to trust and to open up. I have hope for you that something will change and you will have the opportunity to get into some long-term therapy. Meanwhile, we are here. It's something.

Googley, this situation is really hard. And you're being really harsh on yourself on top of that. You are saying that there is no one in real life who cares. Are you absolutely sure there is no one out there in real life, no friend or anyone you could talk to? People seem to be very caring here online. Do you think they would be different in real life? Can you reach out to someone out there who could understand you and be with you while you find another T, and maybe even beyond that? There is always a point and things do change!

It's not that there is totally no one. As I have a couple of close friends who understand. But I feel like I can't always burden them with my problems. I also don't feel like there is anyone besides my T who I can tell them how bad it gets. I'm afraid they would freak out. I also feel like I only have so much "credit" that I can use to tell them when things are going bad. And once I use that, I can't tell them anything bad. And even when I try sometimes I can't get myself to tell them anything. I don't want to bother them with my problems. I don't deserve their support. I just remember being told over and over again how my problems don't matter.
I can't stop the thoughts that it doesn't matter and I shouldn't bother other people with my problems.

Googley, I am sorry you are going through this. But one thing to think about...if you are getting the same treatment and nothign is changing, maybe finding a new T will be a good thing.
I have had many over the years. I have only had 3 that actually helped me. I did not know until recently, it is because of many variables, but mostly because they were not giving me the correct treatment....They were trying to use a "blanket" approach. I am not like everyone else, and niether are you. Your treatment should be adjusted to fit you, your diagnosis/diagnoses and both personalities.
I have been treated for low self esteem, depression, and anxiety, but never for PTSD specifically.
I saw some research recently that showed that the PTSD suffers that got NO treatment over the years and the ones that got "traditional" treatment for the same number of years had the exact same recovery rate....almost none!!
But there were other options for therapy that had very good long term success. I remain hopeful. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope you find the T that works best for you....please do not give up.....safe hugs!!

Can you talk to her about these things? This is how you learn to trust more, by discussing what you don't like in a relationship.

Googley, this is how you feel and think about people, and yourself, but that's not their reality. Try them. Test them gradually, you don't have to tell your whole story to them. What if they accept you, understand you and listen. The worst case scenario is that someone freaks out, but so what, avoid that person. I know how difficult it is, but if you can change these thoughts things aroud you will also change for the better.