[Therapyconfusion]

Hey all. I have an appointment set for Monday. I feel like i need to tell her all my quirks with therapy. Such as obsessing over her and thinking shes better than me and being afraid to continue to act depressed because she will get sick of listening to me. A few moths back I was feeling really suicidal and I called her to tell I wasnt doing well. Plus these were feelings I havent had since high school. I felt dumb for calling her anyway. But it was hard for me to because Im so afraid of rejection. Anyway she never called me back. Which just made me feel like you cant depend on therapist. They must get sick of all this and become numb to it. I went to my Pdoc instead like a month after this he doesnt make me feel better just changes my drugs. Then the last time I went in I was like Im great and she was happy for me. But I just did it so she wouldnt get sick of me. I did some EMDR work with her and had some pretty intense sessions. I just cant believe therapists really give a **** about you. They have their own life and friends. Also this will be our last sessions before she has a baby. I feel like I should be going weekly but I think they think I dont need that much. so how should I handle these things and what should I do in the meantime. Should I go to someone else while shes on maternity leave. If I tell her all this it will take the whole hour and then shes gone for three months. Thanks for reading everyone.

[jexa]

Hi Therapyconfusion,

Therapy IS confusing, isn't it? I wonder why your T didn't call you back when you called to tell her something really important. Did you ever ask her about it, or did you just let it slide? I know it is hard to tell our T's these things.. trying to say it once, and never getting heard.. that is really hard. Is it possible she never got your message?

Even though this stuff will take up a lot of your next session, I think you should go to her and tell her these things before she leaves, so that she can help you know what to do next. It sounds like you might need more help than your T realizes. She should give you a plan for what to do while she is on maternity leave.

You could even just print out this post and bring it to her. It will be a quick way to tell her the whole thing so you can get straight to the solutions.

[Verbascum]

If she's away for three months, can't you use these months to 'try' another therapist? You clearly don't feel at ease with this therapist, if you hide so much.

Well, I don't feel at ease with mine either, and I am considering to change to another therapist for that reason. But I really have to quit then, and make the decision myself, and that is scary.

You have the "advantage" (sorry if I hurt someone with this word) of a forced break with her, you can still decide after three months whether to return to her or stay with the new therapist!

I hope you find a solution!

[WikidPissah]

As a fellow "hider" I totally get you on this. I spent years in T pretending to be ok. I never spoke up, just listened to lectures. I finally made the break and started with a new T last week. The first thing I told him was that I have a hard time communicating, and that I will always choose to say "I'm fine" over the truth. I'm hoping that he will remember this, and push me to say what's really going on. If you do start with a new T for the 3 mos, I want to encourage you to try this. I don't know if it works yet, but I am so proud of myself for "telling" this issue at the start.

((((((((((((therapyconfusion))))))))))))

It took me a long time to let down the "I'm FINE!" facade in therapy. Even now, I stop myself all the time and apologize for "being a complainer". I think that a lot of us have been taught to keep our feelings and experiences to ourselves, and really opening up and letting another person in feels like taking a HUGE risk. I was so scared my T would send me away if I told him how I really felt, and what was really in my past.

For me, just continuing to show up was the only way to work through it. I had to experience being safe there, and I had to try out telling him little bits and pieces of my feelings and my history to see what his reaction would be. It took a LONG time before I trusted him and myself enough to really open up about anything.

As for the phone call....did you bring it up with her? Do you know her phone policy? My T will not call me back unless I VERY specifically ask him to. Every T is different when it comes to phone/e-mail. I wonder if you could ask her about the call, and if she has a policy around phone calls?

Does she have a plan for her clients while she is on maternity leave?

Be gentle with you. Therapy is HARD.

[Therapyconfusion]

Thanks everyone. You did make me feel stronger, I just really have a hard time with negative feelings I assume others have about me. Im trying to work past it. Thanks for all the support.