[thedivinemrsm]

I went in yesterday, and she looked at me with this expression of "Oh God, it's you again." I only see her once a month. My depression is treatment resistant so I'm trying anything and everything and asking a lot of questions, leaving no stone unturned. I told her that I wasn't sleeping on what she gave me and she got frustrated and said, "Well, you tell me what you want to sleep. I say take whatever you want, whatever works for sleep." Um, a 1000 xanax with 100 refills please? Anyhoo...she gave me some scripts for stuff that isn't working, and told me i need to be on in for two more months "to really see if it isn't working". So I feel like that move was to keep me out of her hair for two months. I already have huuuuge issues with feeling as if I'm a burden to everyone, I really didn't need it from her of all people. Anyone experience this? What to do? What to say? I'm at a loss of gigantic proportions. Thanks....

[Perna]

Don't forget you're not the only one she sees and, imagine the person before you WAS a pain in the neck but she couldn't tell them

Lots of reasons for that look and none of them have anything to do with you; it is not likely she'll look at you cockeye'd when you first walk in and haven't even said anything! Something may have happened in her office, with a staff member or she was thinking about personal problems, who knows.

I don't think she'd lie about how long a med takes to work to keep you out of her hair; if she didn't want you, she'd be more direct; she's a doctor, they're direct :-) I'd try the med for 2 more months, keep a diary and take that in when you go next time :-)

I'd track your depression, your sleep, your eating, everything I could think of; start a free blog somewhere and daily go and fill in when you go to bed, to sleep, get up, how well you sleep (scale of 1 to 5), what you eat, what other meds you take, when you take them, etc. I love taking in stuff to my doctor (who often doesn't listen well) and giving him "proof", he starts listening better and gets more interested and respectful :-)

[lonegael]

Perna has some good ideas. remember, also, if you're depressed and sensitive to social rejection, you are going to interpret neutral or unclear signals as negative because of the depression. it sounds like you are already aware of some of this. Hang in there, but if you feel like it's not working at the end of the two months, then find someone you can work with. No one has to put up with disrespect. HUGGGS

[LostSavant]

I have actually taken a hand held cassette recorder to doctor appointments. It is simply amazing the difference in attention you get when you ask if you can record the session because you have difficultly remembering what you are told, and you wish to be able to play back later to help you remember. It worked for me with one difficult doctor. And I would do it again if need be. Good Luck.

[barleysmile]

How hurtful. Sometimes psychiatriasts forget they are themselves only human. I love what LostSavant said about asking to record your sessions. That's brilliant. Keep them on their toes. I agree with Perna on the journal as well. If you keep track of your sleep patterns it can bring a lot of clarity to the situation. It might even give your therapist some insight into what medications would be best suited for you. Though she sounds a little flippant in that regard. The more you come in with hard facts, the better she can serve you. It might also give you an element of control as you will be able to see helpful patterns yourself.
I'm sorry you are feeling a burden on everyone. I can relate to that as I have been out of work for two years. Currently I'm sleeping on a bed in my sister's kitchenette. I hope these ideas work for you. I'm thinking of applying them to myself. They were good ideas.

Be happy. Hug

[RecoveryInstructor]

Originally Posted by thedivinemrsm

I went in yesterday, and she looked at me with this expression of "Oh God, it's you again." I only see her once a month. My depression is treatment resistant so I'm trying anything and everything and asking a lot of questions, leaving no stone unturned. I told her that I wasn't sleeping on what she gave me and she got frustrated and said, "Well, you tell me what you want to sleep. I say take whatever you want, whatever works for sleep." Um, a 1000 xanax with 100 refills please? Anyhoo...she gave me some scripts for stuff that isn't working, and told me i need to be on in for two more months "to really see if it isn't working". So I feel like that move was to keep me out of her hair for two months. I already have huuuuge issues with feeling as if I'm a burden to everyone, I really didn't need it from her of all people. Anyone experience this? What to do? What to say? I'm at a loss of gigantic proportions. Thanks....

Your pdoc is at least mostly correct in that it sometimes takes awhile for the side effects and true results of medication to surface and stabilize.

There are times when I've personalized just how someone else has treated me. "It must be me, they totally hate* me." -- but in reality, it could be something completely different. Maybe they have a car repair bill that's overwhelming with all the other payments being due; it could be they're gassy from eating that bean burrito at lunch and are terrified they're going to exhibit flatulence in public.

My question for you is: What can you think of to overcome this with your pdoc? You have myriad choices in this regard, whether it's to kick her to the curb because you feel she's not helping you or facing that fear of discussing with someone who may be intimidating that you aren't appreciating her behavior.

Honestly I don't know which it is in your particular case, yet having been in similar situations in my past I understand some of the frustrations that you're experiencing.

Remember - you are paying (whether it is monetarily or an investment of time and desire to heal) for these services. She is there to help you, not judge you or treat you any less than you deserve. Doctors are human too, but there is a definite element of supporting those in need that some of them forget. I don't know what your options are in assessing and changing your situation with your pdoc, but I wish you the best as you approach it.

-K

[Shadowghost]

I would suggest either bringing up with her the subject of how you feel she's sick of you, or finding a new therapist. These people really need to control their reactions better, not let personal feelings show. Of all the people you know, your therapist is the last one who should be giving you looks like this. Yes, they are human, but they are also professionals!!! If they can't control themselves better, they should think about a new line of work.

[looking4polaris]

I'm sorry your doc treated you poorly. As for the sleep. I've been there. I'd tried every med. known to man that had any sleep inducing effects at all with no results. For me the trick was that I needed my underlying condition more accurately diagnosed and treated and then the sleep meds were able to work better...and eventually I didn't need them anymore. But I had to try lots of med combos and many different Docs to get there.

I'd try a different Doc. Even if you already tried several. Keep trying until you find a Doc that helps you. There are a lot of meds out there and a mind boggling number of combinations. When you add finding the right Doc to that combo, it can take awhile. If you've got two months of waiting anyway. I'd be looking for a new Doc and keep looking until you find one who is patient about finding the right solution for you. You deserve it.

[BlackCanary]

Also consider that pdoc may not be frustrated with you, but instead frustrated that she cannot seem to find a combination of meds that works well for you?
I think it can be hard for a doc when they find themselves without an answer
You are probably frustrated too, that nothing seems to work, that there is no good solution?
Next visit, if you dare, you can say "You sound frustrated" and see what come next.