[iluuvpups]

Hi. I've felt like I was getting nowhere in my therapy for some time now, so I decided to seek out a different therapist. I've started with someone new and have no way to know if she'll be any better than my previous one. In the meantime, I haven't told my previous therapist that I'm seeing someone new. I don't know what to say to her. Should I tell her I am taking a hiatus or should I tell her that I'm trying someone new but I might be back if it doesn't work out (because I want to keep my options open)? Just not sure how to handle this. I feel very uncomfortable about it. Thanks for any advice you can give.

[Perna]

Oh, iluvpups, that's hard :-) I did that but loved my T, she was just away a long time so I got an online T and worked on a wholly different "area" that the new T would have been better at than my T. However, when my T came back, I then had two T's and the embarrassment of not knowing how to handle it. I wanted to stop with the new T but it seemed so hard. I was able to tell my actual T what was going on and she explained that one T is all one can work with because of the "divided" loyalties; you end up not being "there" for either of them and can get yourself in a lot of difficulties with nowhere to turn (like you are experiencing now sort of).

I would have a frank discussion with your old T about how you feel you are getting nowhere and see if you all can understand that better; whether it's "you" or the therapy, her style, or just what it is and I'd share with her your predicament and what you'd like to try. My T was very firm that she would not work with me if I was also working with the other T, I had to choose what I wanted to do. Unfortunately, there's no "help" while you're dangling over that chasm, your legs slowly doing the splits and you try to keep one on each side You have to grab one person's hand or the other.

I, personally, would find the "getting nowhere in my therapy" a challenge and stay with the therapist I had been working with. I don't think the therapist is as much of the equation as we are in our therapy, but I don't know how many therapists you've had before or what you're working on, etc. I was surprised that you have started with someone else but don't know if she's any better for you than who you have had.

[darkrunner]

I agree with Perna, that does sound hard.

How many times have you seen the new T?

Did you ever talk to your original T about how you felt you weren't getting anywhere?
I had 3 Ts in two years, so I know how hard it is to start over - are you sure that is something you have to do?
Because if not, maybe you could go back to her and talk about it and get her thoughts. Sometimes talking about the direction of therapy, and establishing a direction and some goals can really help.

But if you are sure about seeing the new T, I would just be really honest with the old T.

[iluuvpups]

Hi. Thanks for your replies.

I've seen my new T only one time so far. I made an appointment to see the old T and to talk to her about what's going on. However, I don't think I'll stay with the old T.

I do think the T has a lot to do with the equation in therapy. My old T says things like "you need to figure that out for yourself" a lot. If I could figure things out for myself, then I wouldn't need to be in therapy. I've seen a variety of therapists over the years and never had one say things like this before. I need the T to help me figure out how to help myself. Perhaps she doesn't have the tools to do so. And I certainly don't!

[WePow]

The best thing you can do for you is .... to do what is best for YOU.
Seriously, if the doctor is not healing, get a new doc.
It is hard for those who search for help to leave someone when the fit is not right, if it were easy - they probably would not need to be there to begin with. So it takes courage to make the switch. See what your new T says about this. Do NOT settle for anything less than what is in your best interest!