[rainbow8]

I knew my former T would be where I went today, and she was. I didn't care, though. She came up to me afterwards (I was just going to walk out of the building) and said hi first. She asked how my grandson is. I wish she had asked how I was because I know that she is updated about my grandson. I answered that and told her I lost my job. I think we talked less than a minute.

So, I don't feel like she was my T to whom I bared my soul for years. Yet, I wish she had asked how my new therapy was, or how I was. I wanted to tell her, but what could I say, anyway? My new T let me hold her hand. IFS fits me, but I still have my pattern? So, maybe it's better not to have had that conversation.

I wonder if she wondered how my therapy was going, though. Does she care? My last session with her was in January. Then I emailed her in February to tell her about my new T. I saw her briefly a few months ago but didn't exchange words except "hi".

I gave her a lot of power for years. I don't know why. I don't know if I'm okay with seeing her because I have my new T. If I didn't have anyone, would I still be obsessing and missing her?

I don't expect anyone to answer my questions. It's just weird to have seen her after so long.

[WePow]

(((((( Rainbow ))))))) Maybe she said what she did to let you see she did care about what was important in your life, but did so without sounding prying or stepping over the line?

Big hugs to you!

[granite1]

wow that must have been so awkward.i think it is great you didnt have a huge need to talk to her maybe you truely have moved on

[rainbow8]

Thanks, WePow and granite.

WePow, that could be true. She doesn't really have the right to ask about my therapy now, does she?

granite, it would be great if I moved on, but the thing that depresses me is that my "pattern" is still there. I moved on because I have someone to replace her.

[WePow]

Rainbow, the first step in breaking the patterns we do not want is to first recognize what the pattern is. You have a great T now who is going to be able to help you figure out the next step - why you have that pattern, what it means to you, what you get from the pattern that you NEED. Only after that is done will you be able to figure out how to get the NEED met in a different way. That will be for the future and it is where your T is leading you - in a nice, safe, way - and yes, sometimes by the hand.

And no - she did NOT have the right to ask you about your therapy ;-)

Hugs!!!!!

[rainbow8]

WePow, your reply is meaningful to me because it validates where I am right now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Thanks, WePow and granite.

WePow, that could be true. She doesn't really have the right to ask about my therapy now, does she?

granite, it would be great if I moved on, but the thing that depresses me is that my "pattern" is still there. I moved on because I have someone to replace her.

i'm sorry

[rainbow8]

Thank you for being here for me, granite. I don't understand either.

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( Rainbow ))))

I admire your ability to plunge forward, acknowledging your pattern - and letting your relationship with T guide you, with you being so incredibly honest with her....on the way to health and understanding....It's a scary thing when you don't know where it will lead....but you are doing the work by letting yourself have the feelings that you have, acknowledging those feelings and sharing them with T....I admire you so much for that.

[rainbow8]

Thank you, MUE. You're right; it's very scary for me. I've been here before, but with other Ts I "related" my feelings in my sessions; with this T I am "feeling" them. I can't stand the pattern anymore! I want so badly for my T to help me untangle the mess of my feelings!

[jexa]

rainbow, I'm glad you are in T to tackle this issue. I know that I have this issue somewhat too, and I sometimes exaggerate my problem when I talk to T's But see how you are tackling the right issues now? Where I avoid them when I exaggerate and don't tell the truth that I exaggerated later?

This is a long-standing pattern -- how long have you been seeing this T? Only a couple months, right? It takes more time than that to tackle deep-seated stuff. Be patient with yourself as best you can, rainbow.

[geez]

(((rainbow))) I agree with what others have said. She can't even mention the word therapy to you in public. I've bumped into my current T on several occasions around town and there is a discrete hello or smile between us unless I have my kids with me and then it's a few words and a hello to one of my boys. Sometimes I wish I could have that connection with T outside of the therapy room but just seeing her is comforting for me and I hope to find that comfort somewhere else in my life....someday.