[MissCharlotte]

"You go too far into your head"

That was one of the things T said to me during our last session before his vacation. I haven't seen him in 9 days now. It feels like a long time, and I have been trying to remember our last session and only able to pull up bits and pieces....feeling somewhat like putting together a jigsaw puzzle. During that session we were talking and T asked (I think) what something felt like and I took a moment and he asked where I had gone. I told him that I was young and in the kitchen of my childhood (literally not figuratively) and that there was a lot of screaming going on around me. That's when he said that I go too far inside my head. !!!!

I don't know how not to do that, but I suspect it's staying in the present moment while acknowledging how the past influences it. I have a hard time doing that without going back. It's like the "wayback machine" from the old cartoon (bullwinkle?).

He also said something about the breaks being opportunities for growth

I miss him so much and have alternated between burying myself in my work and ignoring his absence to allowing the anger to surface a bit. I've also reminisced about him as if we were no longer together and it had been 20 years since I saw him. I think the absence DOES have some positives. It allows for a certain type of growth that isn't possible without T. This morning I had a fantasy that I would walk into his office and tell him that I grew up while he was away! (Mind you we are both in our fifties--lol).

Yes, I can't ignore the fact that his vacation has a new quality to it this year. But at the same time I know it will be safe to regress when he returns. Holding opposing feelings? Me? NO WAY...

[Perna]

I hate that when the past grabs you by the scruff of the neck because of something you see, smell, think, etc. and snatches you backwards! If nothing else, it's rude and disorienting!

Mine was mostly with smell. I didn't worry about them too much, just brought myself back and occasionally told T (sometimes it would happen too often and weary me), complaining. It got less and less often like other symptoms as I got better.

[mixedup_emotions]

My T let me borrow a book recently called Healing Tasks, and dissociating is apparently a widely used defense mechanism....and one that I happen to get wrapped up in as well. My T tries to work with me to keep me grounded by staying in contact with me....sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I've read that other T's provide much more help in developing grounding skills. My T doesn't do much of that. *sigh*

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by MissCharlotte

T asked (I think) what something felt like and I took a moment and he asked where I had gone. I told him that I was young and in the kitchen of my childhood (literally not figuratively) and that there was a lot of screaming going on around me. That's when he said that I go too far inside my head. !!!!

To me, it doesn't necessarily sound like a bad thing that you did that. Finding the origins of our present feelings in the past is supposed to help us, isn't it? Sometimes my T asks me what times in the past I felt the same way as the way I'm feeling in the present. That helps us trace things back, understand triggers, get to the root of things, etc. I don't know--I'm kind of confused by your T's comment!

[Sannah]

I don't think what you did was bad either. Sounds like it is a personal preference possibly. He is "what you see is what you get" and you are a little deeper and more complex. Nothing wrong with that.

[MissCharlotte]

Originally Posted by Sannah

I don't think what you did was bad either. Sounds like it is a personal preference possibly. He is "what you see is what you get" and you are a little deeper and more complex. Nothing wrong with that.

I didn't interpret his comment as a criticism although I can understand why you might think that. I don't think he was saying that anything was bad. I think he was trying to get me to acknowledge the pure feeling as opposed to the "intellect." (Hence the head reference.) In other words when he asked me where I was I described the scene rather than the feeling. So, for me I can begin to operate from a point of feeling rather than an intellectual configuration such as an image we create in our minds or such. In order to do this I have to trust my feelings---something I never did before therapy.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by MissCharlotte

I think he was trying to get me to acknowledge the pure feeling as opposed to the "intellect." (Hence the head reference.) In other words when he asked me where I was I described the scene rather than the feeling.

I understand now. Thanks.

[Sannah]

Yah, this makes it more clear..........