Eyes Contact with T

I always have trouble looking at people's eyes when i talk to them. Especially to my therapist, i avoid looking at her when we were in session. I look at the floor, her office, anywhere but her face. She is beautiful and very good looking, but i just can't look at her face. I feel so rude and disrespectful about it. I know she said it okay that i am not looking at her, but i feel i should look at her.
I don't know why i just can't look at her at all.

i will look my T in the eyes when she is talking to me because i have a really hard time following what she is saying but i could never look her in the eyes if i was talking to her nope no way.im with you on this one no eye contact at all.

When my T is talking to me I can look her in the eye but when I'm talking to her I look everywhere else

I have never looked at my T either. Doesnt matter if it is me or T talking, I wont look. Like you and geez, I look everywhere else in the room. Sometimes, I will get fixed on a particular spot for a bit if we are talking about something hard.

I spend time staring over my Ts right shoulder. Sometimes I will look at her face when she is talking but I can't look at her when I am talking. It's too intimate even though we are sitting across the room from each other. This probably sounds corny, but it feels like if I look her in the eye she would be able to see how truly screwed up inside I am. It makes me feel vulnerable.

I also happen to have trouble looking people who are in authority in the eye.

When I am sharing something with T and feel ashamed, I will look away and down. But I think I look in his eyes at most other times. My XH was a person who never looked anyone in the eye, and I found it unnerving (why don't you look at me?!). I don't want to be like him, as I know it made me feel bad never to be looked at, so I try to look people in the eye. I felt like it meant he hated me or was hiding something, and I wouldn't want T to think that of me because neither is true.

My T told me once very early in therapy that if a person tended to look away to the right while talking it meant one thing and to the left meant another thing. I have no idea what he meant...

been in t a long time with the same t and used to have eye contact, now, never...i have what i call a "safe square" on his carpet, that is what i look at, and t has tried several ways to get me to look; but like someone else said, can't... way too vulnerable, like he can see inside of me and see all of the bads and there are way too many of those!!!!

I can only kind of look at my T when she is looking at something I have given her like my journal and then just kind of look at her like her legs or something like that and that is a huge improvement. I don't know why I can't look at her or my pdoc but I can look at others. I guess I am like you that I am scared that if I look at them that they may realize that I am really screwed up. I have never been able to look at anyone in the mental health field in the eye. Even when I was seeing my Uncle for therapy I couldn't look at him and we are related go figure. I know once I almost looked at my pdoc and he commented hey you almost looked at me and I quickly looked away so that was that.

So don't feel alone you are not the only one that doesn't look at your T.

Jan

I think I'm making progress on this one. I spent about a year starring at the floor. Or sometimes when I was really working hard to act like I was unaffected by something we were discussing I would kind of look through her. I think this was something I developed in childhood...kind of my way of saying "You don't scare me" when inside my mind was screaming..."F***! DON'T LET THEM KNOW YOUR FREAKING OUT. DON'T SHOW THEM ANYTHING!"

eye contact is extremely hard for me. There isn't many people I look at in the eyes. Especially not my T or pdoc. I might give quick sideways glances, but that's about it. I agree it's a vulnerability thing. I am so glad you made this post, I thought I was the only one who didn't look at my T.

I have a history of not looking my T in the eyes. With my last T, she mentioned that I was improving, and I didn't know she had noticed. So I tried hard and it got easier.

I realized that until last session, I never looked closely at my T because I saw the color of her eyes for the first time. Eye contact is hard and scary, but it makes me feel the connection. It's worth it. Of course, when I'm embarrassed and it's difficult material, I look away. Which is most of the time.

I think it has something to do with recalling an actual memory or being deceiving...

Up and to the right...exaggeration of the truth

Looking down and to the left:
Deep in thought.

Looking down and to the right, or to the left, or up and to the left:
Using memory...being honest and truthful.

Sustaining eye contact with former T took me a long time, but after months of looking at his shoes, I got better at looking into his eyes. It takes time...

I guess it can vary from person to person....

I don't know about you guys but I HATE it when someone that I am having trouble looking in the eye tells me Jan look me in the eye. That drives me nuts.

Jan

if my T wants me to look at her she will ask but in a nice way.she will say something like do you think you can handle looking at me,i really want you to hear what im saying to you.she has never been mean about it at all.but i think she does it to keep me focused.i tend to go away to my little safe place in my head

I stare at the wall, or at a stuffed animal in across the room. Very hard to make eye contact. When my T really wants to make a point to me, he will move out of his chair on to the floor into my line of vision. Kind of nice, kind of freaks me out and I still look away.

I think it because of my attraction toward my therapist that get in the way of me looking at her. I don't know why at all. But when i am away from my therapist's office and when we were taking a walk around the neighborhood, i am able to look at her and to make contact.

I have really struggled with eye contact in T. Sometimes I leave the session and have no idea what she was wearing or any recollection of ever looking at her, at all.

I've been trying, though. I think each week I am making more eye contact. I know I really thought about it today and made probably the longest sustained eye contact ever. Probably only a few seconds, but it was better than nothing!

Today I made eye contact with my T for most of the time. She was glad that I did. It used to be impossible for me, but it's getting easier. My T helped by telling me over and over that she's not judging me. She keeps saying "my parts" need to keep hearing that.