[Melbadaze]

Yesterdays first session back with all the tears and pain and anger...I can't stop thinking about that one simple sentence T asked, "did you get my first card I sent you?" and when I replied yes, she replied "good"..there was something different this time about my pain at missing her and my hating having to admit it and protest thinking the only thing that would take the pain away was for T to never go away again...but what she said during my tears and pain, was so comforting and I remember T yrs ago said to me when I said whats the point of protesting and she replied, well you get your feelings heard, and I thought, pppffftt rubbish that won't do it...but she was right...T asked me if I was trying to protect her by not wanting to tell her about my anger? and I managed to squeeze out the words, no I'm trying to protect me from them...it all felt so confusing in my head...but as the pieces begin to settle back down I realise now that whenever I was hurt growing up and cried or protested, it only brought my anger from my mother and having to resign myself to whatever it was tha as going on and having to resign myself to getting no comfort and I learnt to be hard, tough, to forget whatever it is that hurts me because it was pointless, what was the point in protesting, she didnt care, nobody cares...of course a very young feeling..but T yesterday her sentence, shone through the pain like bright daylight...she cared about how I felt during the break, she cares that I struggle with her and the feelings around it..the need to have her never go away lessened, Its like suddenly knocking and knocking at a door and suddenly someone opens it with a warm smile and says, hello, welcome, how nice to see you, come in!...and nothing has to really change to be able to cope, someone just needs to see you and say, I get it.

[Gus1234U]

Dear Melba,, Been there, Done That. I get it. I'm so glad you broke through that wall of isolation. The world will still hurt, but now you can take comfort in feeling that you belong, that someone cares, that that matters somehow. I'm very happy for you. Gus

[Melbadaze]

Originally Posted by Gus1234U

I'm so glad you broke through that wall of isolation. Gus

yes thats it exactly! thanks