over the edge

in last session I positively raged at T.
When I finally subsided I looked up at her; she was staring off into space and then she literally shook herself. That was chilling.
I think I'm a lot sicker than she realized when she took me on.
now she's gone till end of month. before she left she said she'd be with me while I get through all this, but I don't know. After all this time I thought I was on the way up now. But apparently not.

Hi sawe,

I hear you.
The anger feels like it has no end and no bottom and the depth of it goes on forever. Sometimes I have thought of it as I am a dragon capable of taking out entire cities with the all-destroying force of my rage.
You are brave to let this anger out and let it go.
If it makes you feel any better my partner tells how she would throw things in her T's office from time to time... clocks, vases, then she had to replace them.
You are doing good.
You are not responsible for your T.
Let out all of the anger... because in the end, it does have an end.
You just haven't reached it yet.
You deserve to be heard.
Take care of yourself.
You deserve to feel better.

E

((((sawe))))

Progress does not happen in a linear fashion, it happens in cycles. Whether you consider the idea of 'peeling an onion', or even the cycles of the seasons -- things in life move more in a spiral than a straight line.

The fact that you were able to share such intense emotions with T IS progress. It might feel yucky right now, but just the act of sharing and not censoring yourself is a huge step forward.

You ARE on your way up. You ARE on your way to healing. Please try to remember to be kind to yourself along the way.

sitting, Therapy is a frightening thing at times...but the thought of being left alone with all my "sickness" was scarier... I was going to say I'm sorry that happened just before a break..but then thought perhaps it happened because of the break?...there nothing a able therapist hasn't seen before....anger is very scary...I still am afraid to feel anger....don't know where I'm going with this post now other then to offer some reasurance that I can so relate to your post....I don't always realte to some of the Posts regarding peoples Therapy...but real raw emotions I really relate too.

Can you try to trust her on that statement? Ts don't say things they don't mean. Maybe she was surprised by your display of anger, but it's NOT going to scare her away. Therapy is hard work, and having your T say she's going to be with you while you get through it, sounds reassuring to me. Like my T quotes "The best way out is always through." You ARE making progress, just by letting the anger out.

((((SAWE))))

Why is this week being so hard on so many people I care about? I'm really sorry. Keep breathing, you can get through this. Breath by breath.

swe i so want to reach through and send you some big hugs(((())).if only i could.i know it is hard but like someone said try to trust T when she says she will be with you.so are we here

(((((((((((SAWE))))))))))))))

You ARE on your way up. Feeling and expressing how you feel IS how to heal. You're doing it

The bad part is that healing just feels AWFUL sometimes. Really, really horrible. But on the other side, there IS peace. I've been there. It's real.

Take my hand, sawe We'll get there together.

you are all such kind friends. I'm happy to know every one of you!!

(((((((((((SAWE))))))))))))) Maybe T was trying to think of how to help you process through the rage? Maybe she got lost for a second on thinking about what she needed to do to help you out? Big hugs~~~! You are making progress!

(((( sawe ))))

I'm glad your T gave you that reassurance, even though you may not have been receptive at the time. You've had a lot of terrific feedback here, and I agree...You need to let it out in a safe environment....you're doing the work. Be kind to yourself. (( HUGS ))