[WePow]

Well, last night I wrote T because he said I could - even to tell him I missed him - so I did. I did miss him and so I told him so. And I told him I wished I could talk with him for hours and hours because it makes me feel sane when I am with him and talking with him.

I did not ask to see him today even though I am off work and even though I WANT to see him. But today would be a want and not a need. Even though last night was hard for me on a deep level for some odd reason. But the hard times are getting easier.

The odd thing was the dream I had about T early this morning - I ended up sleeping for 10 hours and was like I was when I was 27 with being physically unable to wake up but was awake inside my body. Just could not get my body to wake up and get out of bed. Think that ties into the early CSA protection mode my body would go into.

Anyway, the dream I had was that T and the female T in his office that is very nice were having a group session with both their clients. She was telling me that I was invited to come join them but when I looked at my T, he was so angry with me for showing up uninvited! I sat there with them and was trying to help others in the group but my T would get very angry with me for anything I tried to share with "HIS" clients. He was telling them to not listen to me and I was "crazy" (a word my T HATES and would not use). I finally got up and left the group and was holding my head up and acting like I was fine and that I was not upset at all by what he said. Then as soon as I got out of the room I collapsed and was crying.

The whole dream was so strange. I have nothing at all in my therapy that I can figure out that would have my mind dream this.

Anyway, once I finally was able to wake up an hour or so ago, I felt very emotionally distant from T - not like last night wanting to talk to him. I am trying to figure out how this relates to my past and other people. What a strange thing the mind is!

[tears_of_a_clown]

It feels like a dream about some fears or anxieties about being rejected or ignored. I hope you talk with T about the dream, I think it could provide some helpful insight about your relationship with him and/or others.

[eskielover]

Maybe it's your minds way of distancing yourself from that deep need feel you seemed to have for him when you when to bed? Sometimes our mind knows when we are feeling too dependent on someone & tries to give us a bit more independent feeling even if it is from feeling hurt by how the person acted toward us.....the minds best way of knowing how to create that distance feeling.

Just a thought as to a possible why.......you are right about 'what a strange thing the mind is'

[WikidPissah]

Maybe you have a history of people you need turning on you? Just a guess, since I don't know you. Of course, sometimes a dream is just a dream and not a big message.

[Oceanwave]

So T in your dream: was it really T? Or someone else perhaps? Who used to say you were crazy?
Maybe you're worried that now you opened up to T he will reject you or not respond. So you push him away before he can do the same.

Keep well,
Oceanwave

[mixedup_emotions]

My therapy is gestalt based, and when talking about dreams, my T usually has me pick something in the dream...whether it's a person or an object, whatever...and then talk as if I am that person/object - because in gestalt therapy, it is believed that every part of the dream is a part of you...or something along those lines. So perhaps these are your fears coming out, your self-doubt, your critical self?