[Melbadaze]

I was deliberately thinking about T yesterday at what would be our usual session time, shes off for the week only. I sat back with the security of knowing this is only a weeks break and went right into whatever came up, and I felt this absence, and then I thought about the feeling I get when with T and there is no absence, no abandoment, it feels whole. I then began to get feeling sensations of my whole childhood and absenCe and abandoment Were everywhere, to the little child hurting and the mother sitting there but not really ever being there, I saw how I never got that whole cared for feeling at all, and then I saw T sitting there and me crying and realised that what T is always saying about the silences was true, that even when I am in deep pain and she sits silent for a while she is there, more so.

There is still a terror that with each break a return to absence/abandoment the hole will return but I saw that too is part of the old tape playing, that eveni n T's break we do continue, she is inside of me too now I can think of "us" and fill the hole with the whole of us.

No wonder I limped so much in the beginning, what a wound abandoment is for a child and Saw how as adults we can become our own best friend and need never be alone.

[Hunny]

Yes, Melbadaze

How this resonates. We see this assurance a vision worked toward and through together. Here's to 'from holes to wholeness'.

We will and we are are and we were.

[WePow]

(((Melba))) I think you did a wonderful thing by using YOUR healing time to work on your healing - even when the resource (your T) you normally use was not available to you. That is maturity and really shows your strength!