[sittingatwatersedge]

not long ago I told T jokingly that I wished I could be her most boring client. (Because then I would be almost done yes?)

in the 3 wks since she has been back from vacation, she has either started with me about 5 minutes late, or has wrapped up a few minutes early.
Yesterday it was both.
As she handed me my appt slip and we stood up, I looked at the clock and said, hey, I still have eight minutes left.
OK so sit down, she said.
Oh no, I said, this must be some couple you are preparing for. Let's go.
So we went out into the hall.
She patted my arm and started to open the hall door and then came back and said, I can't open the door and hug you at the same time. So we had a hug. Then she opened the hall door and there was a couple sitting there.
I want to call her today and leave a message saying, please don't make me push you away any more, I do enough of that on my own.

[Perna]

Okay, being ready for termination isn't at all boring, if anything, it's more exciting, but I doubt that you are boring either!

I don't think she would have remembered and gone through the can't-open-the-door-and-hug dance if it were about boring or wanting to go on to someone else. It could just be that she's having trouble catching up after vacation and might be taking it out of those she is more sure of; I would point the time thing out to her, not with assumptions of your own (because you can't know unless you ask her) but just to let her know what you're seeing. She may not be noticing it (your 8 minutes left and her immediate "sit down again" responses), that it is happening both ends and each week.

If she starts the session late next week, mention it to her.

[googley]

((((((((SAWE))))))

I'm so sorry that happened. I have a really hard time too if session doesn't last the whole 50 minutes. Last session we ended a few minutes early because I assumed that the time was up (and can't see a clock) and then was disappointed when I saw as I was walking out that there were a few minutes left. But at the same time I try to remind myself that there are times she goes a few minutes over when I need it. I try to feel like it all balances out in the end, but it doesn't always feel that way.

I would definitely bring it up with her if you start late next time. She may not realize that she is doing it. You deserve to have your full session time.

I am SO sensitive to the time in session. My sessions are "supposed" to be 50 minutes, but I would say that they are 55 minutes 90% of time. If it's shorter than 55 minutes, I feel kind of disappointed and pushed aside...today it went over and was about an hour and five minutes and THAT made me completely uncomfortable too.

I really do think that keeping the "therapeutic frame" is a HUGE deal. My T told me that one of his professors said that when a T is with a client, the T needs to be aware of their (own) every facial expression, movement, even their breathing. My T said that's way too difficult for him and he just is however he is, and I said "I think your professor was on to something there, actually"

I hope you bring it up with her, sawe....ALL of this is part of the work. (ugh - sometimes I hate that word...."WORK")

[jexa]

Yeah, I hope you bring it up too SAWE.. she should know how this made you feel.. and you being open about it will be good for healing..

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by treehouse

(ugh - sometimes I hate that word...."WORK")

but it IS work, for me. And how.

Yesterday I told about T something I'd read in Pete Walker's book. He wrote that he has come to the realization that there is no memory or feeling or past action in himself that he need fear, or be ashamed of, or run from.
I said, T, I am happy for him, but I can't say that. I do see things in here that I will never be able to accept, or say I am not ashamed of, or say they don't scare me.
She said, SAWE you are on a journey. Not every book will speak to you.
I said, but that's how I have always learned; if not that way, how will I ever find the path?
She said, you are on the path. You are on it, now. Right now.

Hmmm.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

but it IS work, for me. And how.

Oh, blah, me too. I guess I don't hate the word. I just hate how much WORK it is sometimes. Like today.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Oh, blah, me too. I guess I don't hate the word. I just hate how much WORK it is sometimes. Like today.

Amen !!!

[doogie]

"She said, you are on the path. You are on it, now. Right now."

Sounds very similar to what my T says when I say "I don't know how to do this." and she says "you are doing it. You are doing it now." I don't totally get it, but I guess she is saying (and maybe your t, too, though I don't want to overspeak) is that the process is the path to some extent. That the process is the "doing it". The showing up every week - in whatever form - is the "doing it". I don't know. Something to think about for both of us maybe.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by doogie

"She said, you are on the path. You are on it, now. Right now."

Sounds very similar to what my T says when I say "I don't know how to do this." and she says "you are doing it. You are doing it now." I don't totally get it, but I guess she is saying (and maybe your t, too, though I don't want to overspeak) is that the process is the path to some extent. That the process is the "doing it". The showing up every week - in whatever form - is the "doing it". I don't know. Something to think about for both of us maybe.

Doogie I don't know either. The rest of what she said at that moment was, "it's painful; but you have a lot of courage."
I don't think of myself as courageous.
When I reacted to the imago therapy premise so badly (I don't WANT to be my mom, I don't WANT my father back in my life, what I need from my DH is totally the opposite f my father; and if all DH is looking for is his Mommy, and not me, I was ready to give up) T recommended that I throw the book out, since it was upsetting me that much.
When I got into her office I told her that I hadn't thrown it out, I had decided to wait a few days and calm down and give it another try; it may be that the overreaction was from fear of change, from denial.
She said that that was brave, I dunno.

I also told her that I am afraid that I will just resign myself to accepting that my reading of Harville Hendrix is right, my DH is just looking for his Mommy; that there is no such thing as love between adults.
And so we will go forward: I will be Mommy to my DH and make him happy; and so he will not abandon me as my father did; so if he will not go, but will otherwise leave me alone, then hey who could ask for anything more. T looked very troubled at this, but didn't say anything.
I have a feeling we are going to talk about it again some day.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I also told her that I am afraid that I will just resign myself to accepting that my reading of Harville Hendrix is right, my DH is just looking for his Mommy; that there is no such thing as love between adults.

Maybe it could be both? Not saying I know it is, but... leaving out the "just", maybe your DH is looking for his mommy (now but maybe not forever) and there is such a thing as love between adults. Possible?