so much

just kind of a mix of things. I miss my T sooo much. When I think about it my stomach hurts. I miss her.

I feel like I'm not being a very good community member as I don't have time to read many posts and when I do I don't often reply. I don't know how to fix that but it doesn't help me feel less isolated.

I'm just feeling kind of blah and down and depressed, and I don't know what to do to change it.

(((((((((((zoo))))))))))

It's okay to read and not post.

I'm feeling really sad and blah too. So, not much help, other than knowing that you're not alone

that does help tree, thanks. Sorry you're down too. I guess we can be down together.

Can I join you? I'm in that depressed blah mode as well....and it stinks. In my session with T yesterday, I told him that I feel like I'm drowning and don't know how to get out of it...and that everything I do is not working...and that I'm sinking in quicksand....He agreed that I'm surrounded by it, and it's so easy to fall back into that hole....*sigh*...So, here I am, in the hole....Ugh.

ahh, MUE. I am so with you! I was listening to a song this morning and part of the lyrics are "I feel like I'm slowly, slowly, slowly slipping under" and I had to pull over in my car and cry, because that's how I feel. Suuuuuuuuper slooooooooow mo drift back down into the dark. So slow, but still unstoppable.

I called my T today and told her I'm really, really depressed. She said it's ok, to let it be. That scares me. I spent a lot of years deeply depressed. I don't want to go back there. I told her I don't know WHY I'm depressed, and again she said that's okay. Sigh. She was right but it wasn't what I wanted to hear I guess.

Plus she was laughing when she answered the phone, and pushed me off after 3 minutes, so I feel like I interrupted her in the middle of something fun and she was like, "wtf? Why are you calling to tell me you're depressed? Whatever." I mean, that's the story I made up in my head about the phone calll, not that that's what she actually said. That's what I'm imagining she was saying in HER head, lol!

(((Zoo))) I am sorry that your T wasn't able to give you what you needed when you called. That is always rough. TONS of safe hugs to you!

Zoo, I'm intrigued by this. Do you know why your stomach? Is there something else behind this depressed mood, beyond missing your T?

I feel things in my stomach, a lot. I get stomach aches when I am stressed or sad or angry. It gets really bad when we are doing trauma work, but really any time I think about something that is at all emotionally charged, my stomach tells me about it, lol.

I think missing my T is just a small piece of the picture of what's going on with me. It's easy to identify that part, because I think about her a lot and when I notice my stomach hurting every time I do so, it makes me stop and think about the fact that I miss her.

There's a lot of other stuff going on, but missing T is easy to identify and easy to put a label on.

I have group tomorrow, and even though my T won't be there, it's in her office suite and I can see all her stuff there and see group-T who I like and who knows a lot about me. I'm hoping there won't be drama with the other group members, but other than that I'm looking forward to it.

(((((zoo))))))

hey---stomach issues! I can completely, without a doubt in the world, relate to that...whenever i have a problem, i get very very sick in my stomach. i'm sorry you feel this way too, as i know how this feels.

Hi (((((((Zoo)))))))
I get stomach issues too. Ever since I was a kid.

(((((everyone)))))

I went to group today. It was ok, it was just me and one other person (a man ) and the therapist. But the man was very nice and it was ok.

I went there with the intention of talking about my upcoming custody issues (going to court next month. ) and how conflicted I am about seeking full custody of my 4 kids. I'm not sure that would be the best thing for me, but there is little doubt it would be the best thing for the kids. So it's trying to find a balance between meeting my own needs and those of my children. Always difficult.

And we did spend literally half of the group time talking about my issue, and I was able to start on a pros and cons list which my T had asked me to do and to bring to the next session.

I just want to veer a little off topic here and say that I talked to my sister for about an hour tonight and she helped me SO MUCH. You know how you can get so close to a situation, so squished up against it, that you just can't have any perspective? Yeah. She helped me a LOT and helped me figure out a way to do what is right for my kids while still being true to myself.

I just have been struggling so much to learn to take care of ME. Fighting those messages I got growing up that was I selfish and a bad person. It has been unbelievably difficult. I am so afraid of losing the ground I have gained. Finding a way to do what I want and need to do as a mother while still being true to the me deep inside that is just learning to find her voice is a big deal.

I can't wait to tell my T about this. I really felt like I could breathe again after talking to my sister.