[Focus62]

I have T tomorrow and after a very very rough Thanksgiving with my FOO, involving a physical fight with my father, I have some scabbed up scratches on my cheek that I can't hide and I don't know how this session is going to go. I know she'll ask about them and I have thought about making up some random story to explain them but I know that's not what I should do... I'm just really nervous about it. I don't know how to talk to her about this stuff, I wish I knew how she was going to react. I have never discussed any violence in my home with her before, mostly because there hasn't been any between my father and I until now. Between my parents there has been some though and I always knew there'd be a possibility... just didn't think it would happen now that I'm 20 and don't even live there for more than a few months out of the year anymore. Thank god my older brother was there to intervene, though he got his trying to protect me . I am so lost...I don't even know how I feel right now. I don't know what to talk to her about. And I definitely don't want her to report anything, but since I'm not a minor, I don't think she legally has to. Ugh, why does this have to be so hard.

Any support or pocket riders would be greatly appreciated. Thanks PCers

[mixedup_emotions]

I'm sorry that happened to you....I can relate to there being violence in the home and not wanting people to know about it. (( HUGS ))

Please try to be honest with your T. It may lead to a very valuable discussion. Lying to your T will not help you.

(hopping in your pocket)

[Nightlight]

I think this is just the kind of thing your therapist would like to help you with and support you through. Let her help you.

What a tough thing to go through. I know something like that would severely knock my sense of self worth. What a good brother though. I'm glad you had someone there on your side.

[Focus62]

Yes, my brother is very very important to me. We have always been close, he has always been my "protector" ever since we were little. After my dad told us to "Get the f out of my house!" we both fled to a friend's apartment and he told me that he doesn't want me to go back home unless he is there too. I know how much he cares about me, he is the only one in my family that I think I really feel safe with and that I know loves me. I miss him a lot (he recently moved across the country), so it was nice to see him...even though it was in the worst of contexts.

I am going to try and be truthful, I just don't know how much I'll be able to get out to her... I just feel empty right now. And scared I guess... You're right Nightlight --it is a severe knock to my self worth, but my parents have never made me feel worthy so that's nothing new, I guess.

Thanks for the support guys.

[Chopin99]

I'm in your pocket, Focus.

[Nightlight]

I think sometimes it's okay to try saying a little. Just a word or two. Sometimes they can see in your expression and body language the words that you can't say...and if you manage a word or two and that's all, then you're a little bit less alone with it.

And just to go completely off topic, I like your display picture too. I bumped into one at the park the other day too who was very shy but stunning. I'd love to be able to own a sighthound of some sort one day, but not sure if it'll happen.

[kaliope]

my thoughts are with you focus....your scratches will be the perfect segway into the conversation...if your t is professional, you can trust her to be non judgemental and compassionate. and she will not have to report. she will offer you advice on how to keep yourself safe if she does her job correctly. peace...

[mixedup_emotions]

I would be surprised if it was something that your T would report. My last SA experience occurred during a time when I was seeing T - and a scorned friend tried to run me over with a truck - and my T didn't try to report either of those things (although he encouraged me to). I'd imagine it's only an obligation when a child is involved.

[Focus62]

I love sighthounds too, I don't own those dogs though, just a picture off of google (they're Ibizan Hounds if you're curious). I am all about animals and I can't wait to have a dog of my own someday...stupid college apartments .

I think you're right, Nightlight, my T is usually very keen when it comes to picking up my body language and I think even if I can't really verbalize exactly what I want to say, she'll get the picture. Thinking this through more, I am feeling a little calmer. I know she won't make me talk about anything I don't want to go into...I have some control here. I am not powerless, right? It will be okay, my T has not led me wrong yet...

It is a relief to hear from you all that my T most likely will not report it. That would make my life hellish, I can't even imagine...

[Wren_]

(((((focus)))))) I hope you can share this with your t pocket riding with you

and sorry you've had such a difficult time recently

[Nightlight]

Originally Posted by Focus62

I love sighthounds too, I don't own those dogs though, just a picture off of google (they're Ibizan Hounds if you're curious). I am all about animals and I can't wait to have a dog of my own someday...stupid college apartments .

I think you're right, Nightlight, my T is usually very keen when it comes to picking up my body language and I think even if I can't really verbalize exactly what I want to say, she'll get the picture. Thinking this through more, I am feeling a little calmer. I know she won't make me talk about anything I don't want to go into...I have some control here. I am not powerless, right? It will be okay, my T has not led me wrong yet...

It is a relief to hear from you all that my T most likely will not report it. That would make my life hellish, I can't even imagine...

Well, I think you have good taste then. It was an Ibizan that I bumped into and it was so gorgeous. I've heard they blush when they are excited which is pretty cute too.

Good luck with your appointment. I know it must be scary to face it, but I think you'll do just fine. You're right that if your T has always done the right things by you she will probably come through again for you. I'm facing a very tough next appointment too. Possibly my final one, which has been sudden and I'm not ready. The only positive thing I can say about my situation is that it was so much nicer to dread having to tell my T the most difficult stuff, compared to the dread of seeing her again to say goodbye.

Hang in there. It's a difficult thing you've been through and you deserve some support from your T.

Originally Posted by Focus62

I have T tomorrow and after a very very rough Thanksgiving with my FOO, involving a physical fight with my father, I have some scabbed up scratches on my cheek that I can't hide and I don't know how this session is going to go. I know she'll ask about them and I have thought about making up some random story to explain them but I know that's not what I should do... I'm just really nervous about it. I don't know how to talk to her about this stuff, I wish I knew how she was going to react. I have never discussed any violence in my home with her before, mostly because there hasn't been any between my father and I until now. Between my parents there has been some though and I always knew there'd be a possibility... just didn't think it would happen now that I'm 20 and don't even live there for more than a few months out of the year anymore. Thank god my older brother was there to intervene, though he got his trying to protect me . I am so lost...I don't even know how I feel right now. I don't know what to talk to her about. And I definitely don't want her to report anything, but since I'm not a minor, I don't think she legally has to. Ugh, why does this have to be so hard.sorry

Any support or pocket riders would be greatly appreciated. Thanks PCers

So sorry about your fight with your father focus. I am in your pocket with you.

[Ike McCaslin]

I'm in Focus. Best of luck.

[elliemay]

I'm in your pocket, but you should know that I am outraged as your father's behaviour. It's assault and battery. It's illegal. I wish you would call the police. He should be held accountable. I understand though.

the first step in being totally free from this is the first word out of your mouth about it. Your therapist is the safest place to do it.

Just that one step. Just that one word. It's starts a journey that leads to freedom.

[Focus62]

Originally Posted by elliemay

I'm in your pocket, but you should know that I am outraged as your father's behaviour. It's assault and battery. It's illegal. I wish you would call the police. He should be held accountable. I understand though.

Thank you elliemay. He just recently (like a few weeks ago) got arrested for domestic violence, my mom got arrested too (she's an alcoholic and his temper and her drunkenness clash hard). He has totally snapped. It has never escalated like this before.

I can't call the police though. He is helping me through school and if he pulls his funding, I'll have to drop out. My student loans aren't enough to cover all of my tuition. I have two jobs but I still only make enough to pay for rent, utilities, food, and my cell phone bill. He pays my car insurance and whatever tuition isn't covered by my loans. It sucks but I really can't afford to lose my financial ties with him. Pretty much every other tie has been severed though... I'm not going home anymore. I can't, I definitely won't feel safe... The next holiday breaks shouldn't be a big deal, I can stay at my apartment and I have to work anyway so whatever. I just don't want to be in that situation ever again, and my brother won't be home for Christmas so I'd be fending for myself which would not be wise, my dad is a hell of a lot bigger and stronger than I am. Not sure it would happen again but I don't want to take that chance.

Thanks for the support, hugs, and pocket riders, everyone. I appreciate it.

((((((((((((((((Focus)))))))))))) hope i'm not to late to jump in!!!

[Focus62]

Nope, I don't have T till 3:00pm. Kinda sucks, I just want to get it over with. Thanks for jumping in!

[Miswimmy1]

I'm in! Thinking of u! Try to be honest with t.

[Wren_]

not sure on your time but it might be soon or already going on? pocket riding anyway

[elliemay]

I hope things went well with your therapist. These situations are so hard. My guess would be that there are resources around that you likely don't even know about - when and if you get ready to make a move.

You are not alone in this, and you are not trapped. Only you know you.

When the time comes. You'll know.

Peace to you.

[Victoria'smom]

Good luck I'm in your pocket