[The Poet]

I started with this T like 2 months ago. It has not felt right and the T seems more interested in other things than me. Lots of little things like forgetting an appointment, not knowing my name, etc. that I have overlooked, because well, everyone is human.

But, today, I left the session....walked out.

T kept saying "you think you are the only one who had a rough life? you want everyone to have sympathy for you? you think you are the only one who had bad experiences. you want to be stuck in your bad life so that others have sympathy? What is the point of staying stuck in the past, etc, etc." -- Saying it in a very confrontational way.

I could only take so much. And I kept saying no. No-one knows anything about my life...not even this T. I have never said anything in detail about my life, which is very, very different than most people, but I survived.
All I want to do is talk about my life and my feelings and go on the journey of understanding my life with someone.

Was this a therapy technique? Was that the point?

I didn't ask for sympathy, I wanted to explore my feelings.

[WePow]

Poet, it sounds as though this is not a good therapy fit.
There are some Ts who are more assertive than others - addictions therapist have to be assertive. It can take a bit of trial and error to find the right match.

[ladyjrnlist]

Sounds like a therapy technique gone wrong. The T was probably trying to make you understand that we have to move on from the past. That said, this to me was totally wrong and not the way to handle the subject. But, it's possible you took it wrong too. I would discuss this matter with your T just one time. If you don't like the T's answer as to why he/she did that, then find another T. Before you end this discussion tell this person exactly how this made you feel. The T needs to hear it because it is not his/her job to make you feel worse.

[rainbow8]

I strongly think you should find another T! He forgot your NAME? That's inexcusable. Forgot your appointment? Also inexcusable. The things he said to you about having a bad life, and not living in the past may be all right in some kinds of therapy, but not said in a confrontational way.

He sounds very toxic and mean! Maybe he has emotional problems of his own, and has some memory loss, but it sounds like too much all in one person who is supposed to treat you with compassion so you can trust him.

I'm glad you walked out. I'm sure you'll be able to find a better T.

I'm glad you stood up for yourself. For a therapist that can't remember his clients name, that's just pathetic.

My mom always tells me about a story of a therapist who told her something similar years ago, after she walked out of an abusive marriage. My mom lived a horrible childhood and the therapist basically told her "other people have it worse, get over it, that was decades ago". She was devastated and never spoke honestly with her again. And stopped soon after.

The fact is, yes other people DO have it worse. They always will. I am not naive to that fact, and I doubt that you truly are either. However that is merely not the point at all. The point is, is that stuff that formed who you are today has affected you in a negative way and it needs to be taken seriously. If his goal was to make you retreat from a "victimization" role. He was unsuccessful. You can't force people out of there. It's a process, that requires therapy, unlike what he seems to be giving you. Unfortunately what he didn't realize is that people who are stuck in a victim mentality don't fight for themselves. They don't get up and leave therapy sessions when justice isn't served. They sit there and take stuff they don't deserve. So kudos to you

[Omers]

SO unprofessional! yes some therapists are VERY directive and that can be helpful BUT there needs to be some kind of rapport. Forgetting your appointments and your name? That would only happen once with me and I would 1. leave and 2. tell others to stay away.
Again, I would feel different if they were just being directive but paired with the other things you've said... hmmm... they need to be running in the other direction but you get the idea!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by The Poet

T kept saying "you think you are the only one who had a rough life? you want everyone to have sympathy for you? you think you are the only one who had bad experiences. you want to be stuck in your bad life so that others have sympathy?

I doubt you ever told him you think you are the only one with a rough life or that you want everyone to have sympathy for you. Coming to therapy for help doesn't mean you think you are worse off than everyone else in the world. Sheeesh. He's saying those things to make you feel bad--who knows why. If it were me, I would point out to him I never said those things and ask why he is making those assumptions. And then I would hit the road.

I'm glad you have only invested 2 months of time with this T. It does not sound like a good fit.

[geez]

Three strikes and your T is out! - In the two months time you have three things one of which is forgetting an appt. (that's is unexcusable in my book). I wish you the best in finding a better T.

[ladyjrnlist]

I almost dropped my T when he forgot my session a SECOND time. But, the texted me and then called me later to apologize so I gave him one more go. If he ever does it again, I'm out. Even though we have a good relationship, I cannot emotionally afford to be forgotten.

[The Poet]

Thanks everyone. The thing that upset me, was that this T does not even know anything about me. Once before, T did the same thing and I clearly stated that their are people whose lives are more difficult, whose lives are easier, etc.

But, isn't the point of MY therapy, to talk about my life?.. and feelings?

I am new to therapy, so am I missing something.?

[with or without you]

Yeah, find another therapist now. Best of luck to you, I'm sorry it's not working out.

[WikidPissah]

Sorry that was so difficult. I really hope that things work out for you. If you can handle telling him how he made you feel, either in writing or verbally I think you should. But if you can't handle that...it's ok to just move on.

[peaches100]

Yuck! I would never continue with a therapist who talked that way to me. NO way. . .

[Irine]

You are right. get another therapist or tell him this technique is not helpful - sounds like a therapist who lost himself!

[jilliebeanmn]

No, I think HE was missing something. I would have walked too!

[Fartraveler]

I agree with the others -- this T sounds like a loser (and some of them definitely are.)

Trust your instincts, and go find a better T. It can take some time, but it's definitely worth it.

There's info around about how to screen T's so that you improve your chances of finding one that works for you -- like, interviewing them to make sure they have experience in working with your particular issues; checking to see if their therapeutic approach is one that seems good to you, and so on. Also, a general rule of thumb seems to be that you should go for a few sessions to see if the T is a good fit.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with deciding to change T's, especially if it's not a pattern.

-Far

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by The Poet

Thanks everyone. The thing that upset me, was that this T does not even know anything about me. Once before, T did the same thing and I clearly stated that their are people whose lives are more difficult, whose lives are easier, etc.

But, isn't the point of MY therapy, to talk about my life?.. and feelings?

I am new to therapy, so am I missing something.?

no as the previous replies state you're missing something...a good T. run, don't walk away from this T, IMHO.

[Omers]

Nope... you've got it... your T however is missing a lot. Skills, compasion, tact, a memory.... hmmm... me thinks me B****y side has emerged. Sorry it just pisses me off to see you treated this way and I don't even know you at all!

[Omers]

BTW... after years of therapy with some 8 different therapists I now have a list of interview questions saved on my computer. Each is ranked... Some if they answer wrong it is over right away, others are a red flag and others are things I know we will need to talk about before getting into any real work.
I know a lot of T's don't like it when clients feel this way but... Think about it... YOU are paying them... that makes you the boss, not them... If they don't like or pass my interview than I am not going to contribute to their pay check! :P

[Perna]

Originally Posted by The Poet

Thanks everyone. The thing that upset me, was that this T does not even know anything about me. Once before, T did the same thing and I clearly stated that their are people whose lives are more difficult, whose lives are easier, etc.

But, isn't the point of MY therapy, to talk about my life?.. and feelings?

I am new to therapy, so am I missing something.?

I agree that you should discuss the issue with your therapist, how they operate.

Looking at how you responded above, I would suggest, with any therapist, not discussing "other people" and how their lives might be easier or harder than your own. We don't know anything at all about other people and how their lives have affected them so trying to compare and put one's self in a lineup misses the point of talking about your life. If you want to talk about your life, do so, without reference to how you fit in some imagined whole. It doesn't have to do with sympathy so much as with how you present yourself. No one can see you if you are there in the middle of some group only you can see in your head.

I would think something triggered your T's response which, in return, it sounds like is triggering your feeling attacked or more attacked. If you don't feel like discussing with your T, T's previous responses like these from before, then maybe next time you get that response, try saying something like, "No, I don't, why do you ask?" and seeing if you can get a little understanding of why your T asked, instead of trying to "hide" in the middle of the road/crowd of humanity like you may have done or said something wrong If you don't understand what your T says or why they say it, you have to ask for clarification then, at that time. We can't know the whole story/session and what you said before or what T said, etc.

After two months, your T should know a bit about you; if nothing else, T knows how you communicate with T and it could be a method they are trying to get you out of "T knows nothing I've told them nothing". It sounds like trying to engage you is not easy? It could be that what you are saying is either apologetic to yourself or in some way trying to maintain a status quo. If that is all your T has to go by, T might be trying to get you to "jump" one way or another, not in a confrontational way exactly but in any way at all.