[with or without you]

I moved out of the area almost 4 years ago, but my therapist kept me on anyway. Most of our talks are over the phone, but I try to see her when I am back in town, if it works out. Last Monday, we had a phone session. Much of our discussion was about how many breakthroughs I have been making in my progress for the last month. I suffer from social phobia and depression, so much of the "breakthroughs" have been about me opening up much more deeply to her than I have been able to in the past, mostly in writing. Stuff that really bothers me and nauseates me even when I write it down, but I do it...stuff about feeling embarrassed all the time, high school days, my body, my sexuality, you know...really personal stuff. Anyway, she told me that she has had a lot of admiration for the work I've been doing, and that she was excited for me. I told her at the end of the session that I had a lot more to say, and the next "hard" thing I really wanted to explore was why I don't particularly like touching people or them touching me. I can't stand anything other than a handshake or high-five and I want to find out why. After that, she said we needed to stop and we said our good-byes.

About 5 minutes after I hung up, my phone rang and it was her again. I answered, and she said, "Oh...[with or without you]. I meant to dial the number of a person who called me while I was speaking with you, I'm sorry...and I unconsciously dialed your number again instead! We will talk about this in our next session." Well of course, I was super intrigued after this and she left me hanging for a whole week! LOL

Fast forward to yesterday, and I am in her office. I asked her, "Sooooo...what was with the 2nd phone call? You left me hanging there. You said we would talk about it in our next session." She said, "Oh yes. We psychologists tend to analyze everything, so I just wanted you to know that yes, I did dial your number instead of the person who called me while we were talking. I am wondering if I called you again because you had told me that you wanted to figure out why you have a problem with touch but were not ready to go there yet, and I told you that we could definitely talk about it some more sometime. I think I may have unconsciously just wanted to help you again, right away."

Who knows why she dialed my number again, neither she nor I will ever know. But my T's therapy orientation is mostly psychodynamic, which deals a lot with the unconscious, and this philosophy is something that I really believe in and accept. Anyway, I found what she told me to be very moving and just wanted to share. Btw, this has helped to stem my feelings of curiosity about her and always wanting to know more about her outside of her job.

(((((((((((with or without you))))))))))

I love that your T was so honest and open with you....and that her behavior showed how much she really cares about you and your well-being. Very cool

[jilliebeanmn]

She sounds like a great T!

[with or without you]

thanks guys!

[velcro003]

I like the line "Well we psychologists analyze everything"