[googley]

I've been here before. I went and looked at my post from that time, but it didn't give me much direction on how to get out of it.

I left T tonight feeling so frustrated. Feeling like she was avoiding my questions and turning them back on me. Me asking "what do you think about x?" her: what do you think I think about x?

Why can't she just answer the question in the first place?

I've been here with her before. I don't know that I can trust her to give me the truth. To tell me what she really thinks. And if I can't trust her to tell me the truth, how can I trust her with anything else? I don't know if she believes in me.

Is it too much to ask to have someone who believes in me? To ask my T to believe in me?

I need my place where I can feel like I don't have to be perfect.

I am so sad and alone.

[Emotionally Dead]

((((((((((googley))))))))))

I am really sorry you are going through this rough patch. I suppose some T's are like that, where they want to hear YOUR feelings instead of speaking their own. Sometimes, though, it's best that they do give you their feelings. I'm not sure why she won't, but have you actually had an honest to goodness talk to her about it? Have you told her everything you feel and how you feel about this particular subject? If you just told her everything that you've told us, it should get you somewhere. And if not, I say look for a new T.

Wish you the best of luck.

[jexa]

((((((googley))))))

I'm sorry you're struggling with trust right now. It is hard to let go.. I know you care a lot what T thinks about you, you need to know if she's safe. But, you know, it's like the trust fall. You just have to let go and hope she will catch you. I know, sooooo hard. This is why trust happens in baby steps. Please tell T you are feeling this way ok?

[ECHOES]

Why can't she just answer the question in the first place?

Because she doesn't want to lead you with her thoughts, she wants to help you explore your thoughts and desires and values
I asked my T this last session when she responded to my question with a question. In response to her question, I asked Do You Always Have to Answer a Question With a Question?! grr and lol. She replied quickly Yes and moved on and we both chuckled.

goggley, I know you know this, and it doesn't help with the pain , but she is there to help you find your truth. Because she does believe in you. It probably would be easier to just say what she thinks, but she's doing her hard work to help you with your hard work. This says a lot about her trustworthiness, I think

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by googley

Me asking "what do you think about x?" her: what do you think I think about x?

I don't know that I can trust her to give me the truth. To tell me what she really thinks. And if I can't trust her to tell me the truth, how can I trust her with anything else?

I don't know if she believes in me.
Is it too much to ask to have someone who believes in me? To ask my T to believe in me?

I need my place where I can feel like I don't have to be perfect.

Hi Googley, it is true, you are paying her to help you work through these things what she thinks is not going to advance that.

What are you really wanting from her?

Your beliefs about your perfection seem to tie in with all of this? Were you seeking her approval?

[WePow]

Googley, let her know what you need to hear. I had to do that with my T when I was not getting what I felt I needed. I had to just come out and ask point blank: "T, I need you to look me in the eyes and let me know if you believe what I am telling you about my past - or if you think I am mentally ill and made up all this stuff for some reason?" ((That was my exact question to me)) He looked me in the eye and said slowly, "W- I BELIEVE you." Somehow, that broke our relationship through to a different level, a deeper level, of trust.

[geez]

((((( googley ))))) I don't have much to add other than wishing you comfort and a resolution.

((((((((((googley))))))))))

Trust is soooooooo hard. SO HARD.

For me it happened in baby steps...lots and lots of baby steps. And I would trust and then not trust and then trust and then not trust. I think that's part of the process...we are so trained to have to protect ourselves that it's hard to let that go.

Can you tell T what you need? Being really honest about what I need, and having T give it to me, was a big part of learning to trust him.

I'm sorry it's so hard.

[googley]

Maybe I'm just projecting my own uncertainties on to her. But I really want to know what she thinks about my abilities. She asked if I thought that she had my best interests in mind. But what if we don't agree what is best for me. I know in a way I asked at the end of session because I really just wanted a yes or no answer. But even with a few minutes left, she managed to avoid my question.

I told her when I started that I needed T to be a place where I didn't have to be perfect. Where I could share my problems without being judged. But now I feel like sharing those things has lead her to believe I can't succeed. Is it wrong for me to want my T to believe in me?

Now I feel all alone. What if she is mad with me? I feel so alone. What if she hates me? I feel like a failure. If I can't convince someone who is supposed to be on my side, how can I convince anyone else?

[WikidPissah]

((((googley)))) It is so freakin hard to trust! You don't have to be perfect here. I know you are sad, but you aren't alone.

[Dr.Muffin]

did you ask her to believe in you?

[Dr.Muffin]

Originally Posted by googley

Maybe I'm just projecting my own uncertainties on to her. But I really want to know what she thinks about my abilities. She asked if I thought that she had my best interests in mind. But what if we don't agree what is best for me. I know in a way I asked at the end of session because I really just wanted a yes or no answer. But even with a few minutes left, she managed to avoid my question.

I told her when I started that I needed T to be a place where I didn't have to be perfect. Where I could share my problems without being judged. But now I feel like sharing those things has lead her to believe I can't succeed. Is it wrong for me to want my T to believe in me?

Now I feel all alone. What if she is mad with me? I feel so alone. What if she hates me? I feel like a failure. If I can't convince someone who is supposed to be on my side, how can I convince anyone else?

i dont think youre wrong at all for wanting your therapist to believe in you. but i do notice, reading this last posting, that you want therapy to be a place where you are allowed to be imperfect and you arent judged, but you are asking your therapist to pass judgment. its as though you cant feel comfortable in a place where you are safe to just unapologetically be who you are....is that the case?

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by googley

I really want to know what she thinks about my abilities.

what if we don't agree what is best for me.

I feel like sharing those things has lead her to believe I can't succeed.

Now I feel all alone.
What if she is mad with me?
I feel like a failure.

If I can't convince someone who is supposed to be on my side, how can I convince anyone else?

I remember you telling us a few months ago how you didn't feel that she sided with you when you were having issues at school. Did this come up again in session or are you just remembering this?

Why would she be mad at you?

I remember people not believing in me.

[WePow]

Googley, the bottom line is you will not know unless you ask. You are doing the right thing by asking. Be even more point blank and say "I need you to answer yes or no to this question - please."

[Omers]

my guess is that her turning the question around is a part of her theraputic style and it isn't you.

I studied a program that talked about 3 feelings people need to have about themselves to be healthy. They are:
you feel capable
you feel significant
you feel influential
don't dwell on them too much though... they will come naturally as you continue to grow.

[googley]

Originally Posted by Dr.Muffin

i dont think youre wrong at all for wanting your therapist to believe in you. but i do notice, reading this last posting, that you want therapy to be a place where you are allowed to be imperfect and you arent judged, but you are asking your therapist to pass judgment. its as though you cant feel comfortable in a place where you are safe to just unapologetically be who you are....is that the case?

Originally Posted by Sannah

I remember you telling us a few months ago how you didn't feel that she sided with you when you were having issues at school. Did this come up again in session or are you just remembering this?

Why would she be mad at you?

I remember people not believing in me.

I think it came up again because I am having to register for the class I failed. All my anger about how I was treated with the class and the review are coming back up. I asked her if she thought I could succeed doing my dream and she asked something along the lines of, do you think I have your best interests in mind? I feel like everything changed when I showed her the review. That she is taking their word as gospel and now I'm the one who is 'crazy' for being upset with how they dealt with it. Even though when I went to talk to them 1 on 1 about it, no one would take any responsibility for anything mentioned in the review except my anxiety. I asked for examples of the other stuff, and no one could provide any.

She seems to think that my frustration with the demeaning way that clients are sometimes talked about is unreasonable. That the professors are right and I am wrong. I specifically asked her when I started seeing her if she was open to discussing the stigma around mental health within the field. But now that we are getting to it, apparently she is not really open to it.

I felt her opinion of me change when she read the review, but I tried to ignore it. I tried to tell myself that I was reacting to something that wasn't really there. That I was imagining her change in opinion. But now that the issue has come up again, I am seeing it again. And this time I can't ignore it. I asked her if she believed in me, and she couldn't give me an answer. She hesitated a moment too long for her response to have been natural. The way she turned it back into a question just made that silence seem like it could be nothing other than 'no'.

I don't want to be judged, but I do want her honest opinion. I feel like they are two different things. Judgment implies for me a values based decision. Where as an opinion is based in fact. Yes it would hurt if she didn't think I could do it. But if she gave me a yes or no answer, then I would be able to ask her why. With her just turning it around on me, I can't find out why she thinks the way she does. Not knowing one way or the other rips at the threads of trust that have grown.

She says that she 'wants what is best for me' but I don't know how to interpret that. What a vague statement.

I still don't really believe that she isn't going to be mad at me for being angry with her. She says she wont. But I continue to wait for the time when she is. For the time when she is unable to hide her being mad at me.

[alcira]

Originally Posted by googley

Me asking "what do you think about x?" her: what do you think I think about x?

Aaaaah, therapists... Mine does that too. To that I respond "I don't know that's why I am asking you."

[bpd2]

The way she turned it back into a question just made that silence seem like it could be nothing other than 'no'.

Be careful with this....therapists have to be so conscious of all our levels of needs, all our different vulnerabilities, that they surely must have to think before they speak. It is impossible to why her answer wasn't immediate. You just have to ask.

Therapy, too, is about giving someone else control of the direction the healing proceeds. I have to trust my therapist to know what comes first--doesn't mean I don't ask about it, just that I have to trust him----or move on to another t.

Regarding a therapist's anger....the idea is that we are their clients and their work is about figuring us out and helping us, not about having a relationship with us that in any way is about their needs. If they don't need something from us...it's pretty unlikely they'll get angry at us...

[Omers]

Me asking "what do you think about x?" her: what do you think I think about x?

My T knows that while I am generally nonviolent I would bap her for that one.
I get "What I think isn't what matters"... don't know why that is not a bapable offence and the other is, but the other definately is!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by googley

I really want to know what she thinks about my abilities.

Perhaps she does think you will have challenges along the road and isn't sure how you will face them. And she doesn't quite want to say that as she perceives it might be discouraging. One approach would be for you to work hard on your most difficult issues now--anxiety, depression, low self esteem, or whatever they may be--then come back to this question after 6 months (or sooner or later) of working hard inside and outside of therapy to overcome what is your greatest challenge to success in school right now. Ask her again after you've made concerted progress and see what she says. If you know your professors were wrong about your performance in the class you failed, you now have a chance to prove them wrong. If you think your T was swayed by reading your profs' report, then take the class again, and show T your passing grade. She probably doesn't need it, but I think it may be important for you to be able to show her it.

Originally Posted by googley

how can I convince anyone else?

Work hard on your issues, make progress, and do well in the class. This would be pretty convincing!

Originally Posted by googley

But what if we don't agree what is best for me. I know in a way I asked at the end of session because I really just wanted a yes or no answer.

Maybe it's not so black and white. Maybe the answer is something like, "if you work really hard on your anxiety (or whatever), and work hard in your classes, then I think you can do this." I think, in the end, what is most important is how you answer the question yourself. We should be the ones who know ourselves best. If you know you can do it, then I believe you can.

[Oceanwave]

Originally Posted by googley

I felt her opinion of me change when she read the review, but I tried to ignore it. I tried to tell myself that I was reacting to something that wasn't really there. That I was imagining her change in opinion. But now that the issue has come up again, I am seeing it again. And this time I can't ignore it. I asked her if she believed in me, and she couldn't give me an answer. She hesitated a moment too long for her response to have been natural. The way she turned it back into a question just made that silence seem like it could be nothing other than 'no'.

Hmm, is that right? If a client asked you the same quesitons, what would you say? Wouldn't you pause for a few moments first to digest the issues at hand and then to think about how best to help this particular client? I think you are giving her a lot to think about - which is fair enough. Do you think you are again wondering, like before, whose side she is on?

[Sannah]

Now I understand what is going on googley. It sounds like this is a sticking point for you in therapy now? I liked Sunrise's post. Is there anyway that you can move forward with your work in therapy and class?

I'm sure that I told you about my struggles during my MSW. Many, many people didn't believe in me but I kept working and in the end I did prove them wrong.

Actually, this is an interesting topic. What kind of helping professionals don't believe in some people? Have they seen a lot of people who couldn't overcome their obstacles?

[googley]

I am wondering whose side she is on. It seems like since I showed her the review she is all on their side. Thinking that I am a failure.

Sannah: The thing about the class that pisses me off is that I have to take it again. (and pay for it again-we pay per credit hour). When the professor of the class said that there wasn't anything more for me to learn didactically. So obviously my work in the class was not substandard. They just failed me anyway. It is hard not to be pissed off about this.

I feel so alone and like I don't have anyone I can talk to about this-about all the details. About all the problems with the class and now with my T. You guys are all great, but it is still hard. There is only so much that can be shared on line, in written form.

[velcro003]

Googley--I am confused on why you have to re-take this class? If you work was fine, how could they have failed you?

Also, (if you want), what specifically makes you think your T disapproves? I interpret silence from my T as disapproval SO easily, and it generally isn't true.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by googley

I am wondering whose side she is on. It seems like since I showed her the review she is all on their side. Thinking that I am a failure.

Can you tell your T this Googley?

What is the title of the class?