For Those Who Decided To Switch Ts

Was it an easy decision? What prompted you to switch? Were you glad you did in the end?

I'm sad right now. It seems like everyone here has really awesome, engaged therapists. My T is clinical 95% of the time. I don't get honest reactions, reassurance, appropriate sympathy, any of that. He doesn't ask questions that really hit the mark. Mostly, he doesn't ask questions but when he does he is usually off.

I'm starting to get the distinct impression he doesn't like me.

Plus as we swirl around that %^$%!* confidentiality issue he has basically told me that I'm sensitive to it more than others, i.e. I'm having an abnormal reaction. He also said he didn't know what the "crime" would be if he broke my confidentiality by telling his wife (my boss) And really, I'm not even talking about the repercussions of say, reporting that. I'm talking about my feelings of betrayal, etc.

I've talked to him about most of this but it doesn't seem to be changing anything. I'm considering switching Ts. Experiences with that??

Yes! I've got a story to tell about switching Ts. A positive one! I've had various Ts throughout the years, but I never really chose any of them myself. Therapy ended for different reasons so I wouldn't consider that switching.

However, I saw my former T for over 5 years. I would read online and had similar feelings as you do. My T was nice, but there were a lot of things I didn't like about her and the way she treated me. She hurt me in ways that certainly weren't healing. Her style was blunt. She even admitted that and said if I didn't like her style, why didn't I see someone else?

But, I was so, so attached to her that I couldn't consider switching. I kept trying to get more from her than she would give me, and ended up crying in my car often after sessions.

We gradually cut down on sessions but never completely stopped until about a year ago when I had a lightbulb moment. She and I couldn't get any farther. We had basic disagreements about her therapy methods and it was a stalemate. So I quit!

I spent a lot of time researching the kind of T I wanted. Yes, someone like many posters have--someone warm and responsive to me who would accept the child parts of me. This was the first time I carefully thought about what I wanted in a T. Yes, it worked! I love my T and I knew we were a good fit from our first session. Actually even before the first session. So, yes it worked out great for me even though I had been terribly attached to my other T.

I say "go for it". There are many Ts out there with many different personalities and different orientations of therapy. But, like most people say, and I agree, the fit has to be right. That makes all the difference. Right now I'm a little upset/angry with my T, but our relationship is stable and I know she cares about me enough to treat me the way she is. My former T cared for me too, and I know because she told me, but the way she treated me was not as helpful as my current T.

Good luck if you decided to switch. I'm sorry this was so long. I just like to tell my story and to give you some hope!

Whoa! "What the crime would be if he broke my confidentiality"!!!!!! Leave that sucker. Even if it weren't unethical for him to break your confidentiality, which it is, it is iniappropriate of him to share anything about you if you ask him not to!
No matter what his therapeutic orientation, I don't see how this guy is good for you to work with--for the variety of reasons you've mentioned, not just the confidentiality issue!

He really said that????? I would never go back if my T said something like that to me. Do you have to see this particular T? Given you have concerns about him being married to your boss and he hasn't been responsive in addressing the privacy issue, I would definitely try to look elsewhere for help. It also doesn't sound that you feel like therapy with him is really working for you. How long have you been working with him?

Yeah, I was pretty surprised, couldn't believe what I was hearing. And I called him on it and he back-tracked, *mildly* acknowledging the trust betrayal part, but that's pretty steep denial to pretend a confidentiality breach wouldn't be larger than that. I'm not interested whatsoever in getting him in trouble (if he has indeed said something), but I am perplexed by how he isn't even acknowledging how important this part is. What is therapy without confidentiality, you know?

I've been with him since June (with summer vacations taking out about 6 weeks).

I keep feeling alone and you would think therapy would reduce that feeling. Not so.

((((((((((((((symbiosis))))))))))))))

The confidentiality comment would be a total deal-breaker for me. There's no way I could do the hard, intimate work of therapy with someone I couldn't completely trust. Eeeek. I'm really sorry he said that.

It sounds like you have some ideas about what you're looking for in a T. I found mine on the Psychology Today website...the T's write descriptions of themselves there, and it helped me get a general idea of what each person might be like. I wonder if you could check out a website like that, or call a few T's and chat with them?

Good luck. I'm so sorry you're in that situation.

I'm not even gonna touch the whole "your boss is his wife" thing...others have already said WHOA...and that would be my reaction as well....
I have had to do it a few times. My first T wanted me in DBT, but there was only one group in a 75 mile radius, and I tried it but my social anxiety and claustrophobia took over (the room had no windows). He harped on the fact that I couldn't "handle" going for over a year. Then my pdoc mentioned a dbt therapist that was new to the area, but she didn't have groups, so I had to switch to her. She was nuts...the first few sessions she tried EMDR and I freaked, then she started burning sage and chanting at the beginning of a session...I ran for the hills. A friend recommended a T a half an hour from me, so I tried him and stuck with him for 1.5 yrs. I never clicked, but I just didn't want to switch again. It got more and more difficult. He had this idea that I might be demon possessed. Sounds crazy now, but for a while I was trying so hard to be the obedient client so I listened. When he started trying to set me up with RC priests (and I'm not roman catholic) a lightbulb went off. One day I called to cancel, said I needed a break for a while, and never went back. My current T I have been with since July...I really like him so far, and I am so glad I am not with that last T anymore.

It is a tough decision...and it's really hard starting over again. The trust just doesn't come easily for me. All in all it was worth the switch. A lot of people think you need closure and to talk it out with your current T first...I differ in that. I think it's ok to just cancel over the phone and not reschedule.