[geez]

As a continuation from my previous post: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=163762

I had a difficult but good session today. I told my T that I was dreading coming to my appt today. I told her I assumed she read my email and she told me she did. I told her the feelings of dread were surrounding the email I sent her and that I was sorry for sending it. She of course said I had nothing to apologize for and I should be asking for what I want. She also said that she had NO IDEA that I always wanted a set day and time every week - and she didn't no how important that was to me until now. She set that time/day up originally because she thought it would be more convenient for me due to me needing to find childcare for my 20mnth old so I can go to my appts. So now it STANDS I have an appt every Tues if I so choose at the same time - she also told me she doesn't believe in mind games and she expects me to be an adult and ask for what I need.

One thing I told her is I felt like she wanted to get rid of me (because of my neediness) and tell me that I don't need to come to therapy anymore. She told me that's my choice to make about going to therapy not hers.

I also told her that I felt afraid of her referring me to someone else because I feel like she doesn't want to treat me anymore (again because of my neediness). She told me she would not do that.

In summary:
My T does not hate me.
My T will not kick me out of therapy.
My T will not refer me to someone else.
My T wants me to ask for what I need. As hard as it is for me she said I should ask for what I need and want.
I can email my T about something I wanted to say in session but couldn't (we will then discuss it at the next appt). She told me she read my email and put it aside to discuss at my appt.

My T told me she wants me to feel safe in the room and if I don't feel safe then we need to do something to change that. I'm hoping to be able to open up more to talk about somethings that are on my mind soon. I'm feeling a lot more safe. The bulk of my mind feels like she won't judge me after all the things we talked about today (there's a part of me that has doubt but that's because of me - nothing she has done).

I feel like I can trust my T a little bit more and I feel comfort right now. Even though I'm not in her presence at the moment I feel like a warm blanket has been placed over my shoulders and I'm cozy

Damn It's about time I felt good for once after a T appt I hope this ride stays on this track for a while and wish you all comfort.

Thanks a million for all of your thoughts, encouragement, support and last but not least: HUGS I feel like I owe you all so much for being supportive.

Thank you.

[Lilleth]

At least your T is listening to you. I have had two sessions with two different Ts and each time all I could see was them watching the clock. I have six sessions booked and each time I am suppose to let them know how it is helping me and I have to have an idea of what I hope to gain from the sessions' I dont know how its going to help me I said I want to be able to wake up each day and not feel like I cnt go on and to be able to feel ok and not be crying and worrying all the time .

[rainbow8]

geez: I am very happy for you that you had such a productive and connected session!!! I was smiling the whole time I was reading it. Your T sounds excellent! I am so glad that she reassured you that she is not kicking you out and that she doesn't hate you, and that you have a regular appointment time now. I know it's hard asking for what you need, but it's important for us to learn how to do that.

[geez]

Originally Posted by Lilleth

At least your T is listening to you. I have had two sessions with two different Ts and each time all I could see was them watching the clock. I have six sessions booked and each time I am suppose to let them know how it is helping me and I have to have an idea of what I hope to gain from the sessions' I dont know how its going to help me I said I want to be able to wake up each day and not feel like I cnt go on and to be able to feel ok and not be crying and worrying all the time .

Lilleth have you just started out with these T's? I have been seeing mine for almost three years now and it has taken me this long to really feel like I can fully trust her to be 100% open and honest - and that is scary for me to feel that way - I feel like I'm making myself vulnerable to being hurt.

Have you had other T's in the past? If so how where they compared to the ones you have now?

Hope you find comfort soon Lilleth.

[WikidPissah]

Way to go Geez!!! Good job connecting and making yourself heard, I am so glad it went well for you!!!

((((((((((((((((geez))))))))))))))))))

I LOVED reading your post. It is such a gift when we are finally able to make ourselves vulnerable enough to feel safe and trusting (wow, how weird is that? We have to be vulnerable to feel safe?).

Good work

[jazzy123456]

OMg, NO...thank you...for being supportive and posting your story on here, in doing that, you prove to us that not every story has to have a bad ending... you prove to us that therapeutic relationships can be rocky and still have hope on the other side.
you give us that kind of hope by posting such an encouraging post, and in that, that is the best kind of support I like to hear...although, I enjoy being able to relate to others in there pain....theres no better feeling then being able to share a moment of celebration, a positive outlook. thank you.

[Sannah]

Ahhhhhhhh, what great news Geez!!

[geez]

FYI

It's Sunday and I am still wearing a warm blanket on my shoulders and feeling vulnerable

I just got back from shopping. As I was walking into the store I looked up and I saw T and she saw me. I just gave her a big smile and a wave.. she smiled back and I kept on walking. It feels great to not carry fear on my shoulders and I wish you all the same.

[chicken_wing]

You are very brave. I will try to remember these same points for my T.

[Sannah]

Wow! See everyone, the only way out is through!