[learning1]

Does anyone know if couples therapy tends to be more directive than individual therapy? That's what I've experienced but I've only been to couples therapy once, so I don't have a good basis for comparison.
An example of what I mean by directive is the t saying "I want you to..." Another example is the t doing a lot of talking during the session, not leaving long pauses where you can stop and control your feelings. Another example is the t leading the topics we discussed if we didn't bring up topics ourselves.

I found couples therapy to be more helpful but I don't know if it was just because of the therapist or maybe partly because it was couples therapy.

Thanks!

[seventyeight]

hi learning, welcome to PC

yes, i think that couples therapy is more directive. when i've gone, we've either gotten exercises to do in session, or homework to do after. and yeah, there doesn't seem to be the usual long-pause-of-silence thing either, though i didn't realize it until you pointed it out. i guess it's not as therapeutic to sit there in silence during a couples appointment, as it can be in an individual session.

i'm guessing you equate "helpful" with direction? if so, and if it's something you feel is lacking in your individual therapy (if you even still go), then you may want to mention it to your therapist and see what they say.

[bpd2]

sometimes couples therapy is "mediation"....gives it a far different tone than individual therapy....

[learning1]

Thanks both of you.

Well, I'm kind of disappointed because I did find the couples therapy a lot more helpful and now that I'm single I can't exactly go to couples therapy. I did tell my current therapist that I'd like something more directive (actually, she interpreted what I said to mean that) when I started with her. But it is still the usual long pause thing and I'm the one who has to come up with topics each time.

I thought it was a personality thing. I know the couples therapist was an extrovert. I've had two t's since then and one of them called herself quiet. I'm not sure if the other one considers herself quiet but I think she's probably more of an introvert. Maybe it's some of both personality of the t's and the type of therapy.

Anyway, now I wonder if they have to have the long pauses in individual therapy, assuming the t is capable of avoiding them.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by learning1

I did find the couples therapy a lot more helpful and now that I'm single I can't exactly go to couples therapy.

A lot of couples therapists do individual therapy too. Could you call up your couples T and ask if you could see him/her individually?

I was in couples therapy and did find it very different from individual therapy. There were times the T did talk a lot, to impart information. But it wasn't always that way. The T was also very good at interceding during communication-challenged moments () between me and my partner. In this way he tried to show us how to communicate better with each other. He was also good at holding space for us. If one person said something and the other was going to respond too quickly, T would ask the responder to hold off and then let us sit there for a while. It helped us learn to listen to each other, instead of firing off a response without thinking about what the other person had said. I found it very useful.

Learning01, it seems like there would be individual therapists who have the skills and approach you really liked from couples therapy. Would you want to change therapists?

[learning1]

thanks Sunrise! I have another post about another reason why I'm not sure if I should go back to the couples T, so I won't go on about that here. But it's helpful to know you found couples and individual therapy to be different. My ex and I are both pretty introverted, so the T didn't have to intervene much, but he still talked a lot. I am thinking about looking for another T, maybe one who is more talkative.