[WikidPissah]

Today is the day I go to the Breast Cancer clinic and meet my treatment team. I will be finding out the extent of the cancer, and scheduling my surgery, chemo and radiation. I am so stressed, it's over the top. I've been hanging on really well, thru scans and pokes and all the testing. I haven't fallen apart or even cried. I am so proud for being able to remain strong for my family. But today, that might crumble. When I look at the diagrams and descriptions and read/sign the paper work, somehow it may hit home. idk.

T has agreed to meet with me late this afternoon when I know all the ins and outs. I put this in place just in case I can't deal, or I start to lose it.

I'm so f'ing scared.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Eileen - please know that you are not alone, I'm glad you posted here - yr T will help you that is good - will be keeping you in my prayers. hang on

[pachyderm]

Need pocket riders?

[granite1]

eileen i will be thinking of yopu and hoping the best outcome.sending strength and hugsplease let me know how things go.pm me if you want

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Eileen2010

I am so stressed, it's over the top. I've been hanging on really well. I haven't fallen apart or even cried. I am so proud for being able to remain strong for my family.
I'm so f'ing scared.

(((((((((((((Eileen)))))))))))))

I'm so glad you scheduled an appt with T...what a hard morning, no matter what the outcome.

Please come back and let us know how you are doing.

[bpd2]

Huge day!...I'll be thinking of you.

[Gus1234U]

think about letting us all know how it went, Eileen~! how we are all pulling for you ~ and remember to keep up your blood sugars, stress eats them like crazy~!! best wishes,, Gus

[sunrise]

((((Eileen)))) Sending good vibes your way... You will be in my thoughts. Sometimes I find that even going off by myself and letting myself cry can relieve some of the strain of keeping it all in. It's OK to cry. I am glad you will see your T for later today. Best of luck.

[mixedup_emotions]

((((( EILEEN ))))))

I'm keeping you in my thoughts during this difficult day. I'm glad your T will be there for you to help you through whatever feelings you are dealing with. Please update when you can. (( HUGS ))

[Kacey2]

Eileen,
I am thinking of you! Please let your t appointment be a soft spot for you to fall today in the midst of all your trials. Also know that you may find care and support here as well. (((((((((((Eileen)))))))))))

[WikidPissah]

Thanks everyone....I appreciate the support and pocket riders so much.

The surgeon didn't tell me what I wanted to hear, but you know what...I can handle this, I can beat this thing. I will be meeting with a plastic surgeon tomorrow.

It was a big help to sit with T. I am so numb. T said that it was ok, not everyone falls apart when bad things happen. Some people just work thru it. Denial is normal isn't that cool? He said I would eventually feel the emotions and grieve, but that might not happen until after the cancer treatment is over...and it's ok. I am not a stone cold person without feelings, I am just dealing with it in my Eileen way. I did get choked up when I had to deliver the news to my daughter...when I saw her face get white. That proves that I do have emotions. Weird, I am more concerned about not feeling anything than I am about the cancer.

On another note, H's employer changed our health plan as of Dec 1. We now have a very large deductible before medical procedures and tests are paid. This is gonna kill us financially with all this cancer crap. But on a positive note, our copays for medical visits have been cut in half, so I can afford to continue with T, just not every week.

[jazzy123456]

Its GOOD to be strong but, if you do feel sad, discouarged, angry, or miserable...you have the right to those feelings as well. let yourself work through all the ups and downs and I'm sure your family will continue to support you.lots of hugs.

(((((((((((Eileen))))))))))))

It sounds like you are open to feeling whatever feelings come up. Sometimes we just have to be strong to get through what we need to get through and feel the feelings later. Sometimes the feelings sneak up when we don't expect it. However you feel is okay - even if what you feel right now is numb.

Wishing you all of the peace, strength, support and love that you need

[rainbow8]

((((((Eileen))))))

I'm sorry the news wasn't exactly what you wanted to hear. It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. I'm glad that you could see your T today and that he helped you.

[emilyjeanne]

I've been sending good thoughts your way.