[HamsterDrive]

Hello! I read about this forum in a blog. It sounds like I could get some good advice here. (Also, apologies if my first post is a bit long.)

Basically, I'm an adult now, but I grew up in the middle of quite a bit of emotional and physical abuse. I was raised by my mother and grandmother. My grandmother displayed many of the symptoms associated with Borderline Personality Disorder, but never had an official diagnosis. (The Sopranos was difficult to watch, because Tony's mother was very similar to my grandmother at times.) I feel like I display many of the symptoms as well, but I'm not sure what to make of it. My mother was a single mom, working her butt off taking care of a child and a mother. It got the best of her sometimes; she released her frustration via physical abuse.

A couple of years ago, I saw a psychologist for a few months whom I was very happy with. I was in the process of dropping out of college, and basically dropped out through her. Problem is, I moved away for a job, and can no longer see that psychologist. I'm much happier now that I'm out of school, but I'm still having many of the same issues (depression, social anxiety).

A few months ago, I began the search for a new psychologist in my area. My job has a Wellness hotline one can call for referrals (can't remember the specific name right now). I didn't find it to be very helpful. All I got out of it were some phone numbers. I called around to a dozen or so places, starting with the numbers I got, then moving onto my list of those covered by my insurance, only to find that:

1. I couldn't find any psychologists in my area covered by my insurance that were taking new patients, and
2. I found two businesses with social workers available for therapy that were taking new patients, but they felt... shady. (Sorry if I offend anyone, I'm only going with my gut here.)

I've tried self-help. I bought the book Healing Your Emotional Self by Beverly Engel. It seems like it could be a helpful book, but I don't get very far without feeling very upset and having to put it down.

My wife suggests that I should get a checkup from a primary care physician, telling him/her that I need help and asking for a referral to a psychologist. I really do need help, as my issues are making day-to-day life very difficult (although luckily not affecting my job).

Does this sound like good advice? (Getting a referral to get my foot in the door.) "Forced" social interaction like this is very difficult for me; I don't want to go through it for nothing. Do I need to "readjust" how I feel about the two places taking patients, even though my gut says "no"? Any other ideas?

[ECHOES]

Try the social worker.. My T is a wonderful T and a her degree is MSW. I used to think that a 'good' therapist had to be a PhD psychologist, but I no longer think that.
I found my T by calling the psychoanalytic institute near me (I knew I wanted an analyst) for a referral to a cadidate (student who is already a therapist and has meets the institutes high standards).

It's a process and it takes time. It's anxiety-provoking for those of us who aren't natural 'talkers'.

Sometimes the gut is right on, and sometimes the gut has ulterior motives like to protect one from difficult things. It's just really hard to tell the difference sometimes. Giving it a try, giving yourself 'room' around ideas (room to see how it really goes versus how we imagine it will go, room to sit with the immediate thoughts without acting on them, etc). The unknown is anxiety making but it's also something to be curious about and who knows what wonderful things await As someone told me, think of it as a good book that you don't know the ending to yet!

[WePow]

Thank you for your post and welcome to PC!
Here are some suggestions I have:

1) Call your area hospital and ask to speak with somoene in the mental health dept. Most hospitals have staff that only work that area. They often have to make referals for people who come into the hospital for various reasons and they have a list on hand of referals who are usually able to take new clients and who often accept the insurance that hospital accepts. Many people forget that this is a good rescource because you don't think about being able to ask a doctor at a hospital unless you are actually in the hospital. But I have a close friend who works for a hospital in mental health field and she said all you need to do is just talk with someone on the phone and usually they will be happy to pass on the referals.

2) Research on-line to see who the expert for the state (if you are in the USA) is on the type of issue you want to address. Email a few of those experts a very brief email saying exactly what you need and ask them for any referals who match your criteria.

3) As a last resort, place a call into the suicide hotline for your area and state up front that you are not suicidal but you need help on finding a referal for your depression (so you don't get that way) and want to know if they have the time to give you a referal for your area. Most of the local suicide prevention hotlines have a "hot list" infront of them that they can give out to callers.

Hope this helps a bit!

[sunrise]

Hi HamsterDrive. Welcome to PC. What felt shady to you about the places the social workers worked? Was it just that they were social workers, or was it some other aspect of where they worked that felt wrong? If it's just that they were clinical social workers, then I think they would be worth trying. Many fine psychotherapists are LCSWs. If there was something else wrong with where they worked or what they said on the phone, then it's hard to say, unless you share more details.

I think word of mouth is a good way to find a therapist. Ask your doctor, dentist, lawyer, whoever! Friends too. If you do try one of the social workers, and they don't seem like a good fit for you, ask them for referrals to someone who is closer to what you are looking for. There is also a list of therapists that might be helpful on the Psychology Today website.

Good luck.