[onlymedid]

I am afraid to tell my T I lied to her. I told her I was depressed and I was crying and I wanted to die. She asked if I had a "plan"...I said no. Well, I have been thinking of ways.
I am going back to see her today and I want to apologize for lying to her, but I don't know how to tell her. I feel really bad for lying and I don't want her to think that I am going to do something now because I am not.
Help anyone?

[with or without you]

Just tell her you lied. She won't be angry, she will be grateful you told her and then she can really "look after you", since you are thinking of hurting yourself. However, don't be surprised if she seems very serious with you all of a sudden, since we are talking about ending your own life here. You know what I mean? However, I am sure they are trained to expect people holding back this stuff, especially when it comes to self-harm.

Take care, and please don't hurt yourself.

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by with or without you

Just tell her you lied. She won't be angry, she will be grateful you told her and then she can really "look after you", since you are thinking of hurting yourself. However, don't be surprised if she seems very serious with you all of a sudden, since we are talking about ending your own life here. You know what I mean? However, I am sure they are trained to expect people holding back this stuff, especially when it comes to self-harm.

Take care, and please don't hurt yourself.

Thanks. I am not going to do it because I have my husband and son that I couldn't do that to, but I have the thoughts all the time. I just don't feel right lying to her. I want to be honest with her because that's what I want my therapy to be about, ya know?
I will tell her. I do worry about her reaction and am very anxious and scared about what she might say....

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by onlymedid

Thanks. I am not going to do it because I have my husband and son that I couldn't do that to, but I have the thoughts all the time. I just don't feel right lying to her. I want to be honest with her because that's what I want my therapy to be about, ya know?
I will tell her. I do worry about her reaction and am very anxious and scared about what she might say....

Yeah, for instance, I have never had suicidal thoughts while seeing my current therapist, however, I recently told her that I feel super attached to her all the time. I want to know everything about her, I constantly find myself thinking about her, and I was worried that she was going to think I was "in a bad place", like I was mentally stalking her. I thought she was going to think she would have to treat me delicately from now on. But that was not the case at all.

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by with or without you

Yeah, for instance, I have never had suicidal thoughts while seeing my current therapist, however, I recently told her that I feel super attached to her all the time. I want to know everything about her, I constantly find myself thinking about her, and I was worried that she was going to think I was "in a bad place", like I was mentally stalking her. I thought she was going to think she would have to treat me delicately from now on. But that was not the case at all.

That's interesting. I feel the same way about my T. I wonder if more people do the same thing, feel super attached and thing about them all the time and want to know more about them.....hmmm.
It's nice to know she didn't treat you differently.

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by onlymedid

That's interesting. I feel the same way about my T. I wonder if more people do the same thing, feel super attached and thing about them all the time and want to know more about them.....hmmm.
It's nice to know she didn't treat you differently.

I know a lot of people on here do!

Yeah, I didn't get the feeling like she was going to treat me like a "special case"...again, not the same situation as yours, but both situations deal with feeling our T is going to get upset with us.

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by onlymedid

That's interesting. I feel the same way about my T. I wonder if more people do the same thing, feel super attached and thing about them all the time and want to know more about them.....hmmm.
It's nice to know she didn't treat you differently.

I think plenty of people do - I sort of did, too, but it has mellowed out, probably we discussed it rather frankly and she was kind and gentle about it! Getting the feelings into open space helped settle them, so I feel like I have a secure, safe sort of attachment now.
Also she will be glad for your honesty.....that was my experience telling mine something serious like your situation. (she did have me sign a safety contract and said she would be trusting my integrity to keep it, tho....)

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by with or without you

I know a lot of people on here do!

Yeah, I didn't get the feeling like she was going to treat me like a "special case"...again, not the same situation as yours, but both situations deal with feeling our T is going to get upset with us.

Yeah, I understand

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by poetgirl76

I think plenty of people do - I sort of did, too, but it has mellowed out, probably we discussed it rather frankly and she was kind and gentle about it! Getting the feelings into open space helped settle them, so I feel like I have a secure, safe sort of attachment now.
Also she will be glad for your honesty.....that was my experience telling mine something serious like your situation. (she did have me sign a safety contract and said she would be trusting my integrity to keep it, tho....)

I think you are right....she will be glad for the honesty. Oh gosh about signing a contract, though. ugh!

[Lizabelle]

I have the same fears, that if I lie to the T/counselor that I'm going to see tomorrow, that she'll hate me or something. I always am scared about things like that, and I'm glad that I'm not the only one.
About that contract...I hate those.

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by Lizabelle

I have the same fears, that if I lie to the T/counselor that I'm going to see tomorrow, that she'll hate me or something. I always am scared about things like that, and I'm glad that I'm not the only one.
About that contract...I hate those.

Yeah, I mean, I could keep it to myself and not tell her that I lied, but I feel so badly about it that I feel guilty. I don't think the guilt would go away.
No, you are not the only one.

[onlymedid]

So, should I tell her I lied? Or should I tell her I fibbed? is it a fib or is it a lie? am I getting too technical here? am I analyzing it too much? am I being too anxious? ugh!

Just tell her what is going on with you now. That is what is really most important. Don't get hung up on the whole lying issue. That just blurs the real issue that needs to be dealt with.

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Just tell her what is going on with you now. That is what is really most important. Don't get hung up on the whole lying issue. That just blurs the real issue that needs to be dealt with.

OK, thanks Farmergirl. You are right....I'm getting too hung up on all the other stuff.

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by onlymedid

I think you are right....she will be glad for the honesty. Oh gosh about signing a contract, though. ugh!

Yeah, that was hard. I mean, I certainly understand why it's necessary....but wow, it's still sort of embarrassing, somehow. I don't really have the words for it. And if it's hard enough to sign the thing, it's even harder to confess later that you did break it (as in something I did to punish myself, a few months after I signed it the first time)......which I did, actually. And so I had to re-sign it, look her in the eye and promise (eh, that was harder really than signing it).....I'm still cringing when I think of it, though my T was extraordinarily kind and gentle, she was also quite intense about the whole thing.
Anyway, no matter how hard, it's much more worth it to be honest. Ts love honesty, no matter whether it's later rather than sooner for some things to come out. They know it's hard to say some things.....that's not the same as purposefully lying.

[onlymedid]

Thank you everyone for the help and advice. I talked to T and she forgave me. She was really cool about it. We talked more about it the rest of the session and more stuff came up. She mentioned a contract, but I avoided it and she said ok that we wouldn't do it now, but we may need it in the future.
Thanks again!

[with or without you]

great to hear, glad it went OK.

[sugahorse1]

Glad to hear things went well. I've never signed a contract with my T, but I've always told her when I've OD'd and she knows I am a high-risk patient.

Honesty is the most important part of therapy, and the one that hurts the most, but will allow you to grow and heal the most.

Attachement to your T is very normal, and it's something I've only started to notice in myself recently. I have discussed it with my T, and she was not at all judgemental. It's basically transferance - there's lots of info on it on the net

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

Glad to hear things went well. I've never signed a contract with my T, but I've always told her when I've OD'd and she knows I am a high-risk patient.

Honesty is the most important part of therapy, and the one that hurts the most, but will allow you to grow and heal the most.

Attachement to your T is very normal, and it's something I've only started to notice in myself recently. I have discussed it with my T, and she was not at all judgemental. It's basically transferance - there's lots of info on it on the net

Thanks Sugahorse. I am going to check out the transferance because I hear a lot about it, but don't know much about it.