[DelusionsDaily]

yikes!!! Todays session was intense. We went over what I had read, highlighted, and wrote about from the book on grieving. I get frustrated with myself when I start disconnecting and not being totally present in session(T said its called dissociation and told me how to ground myself). Problem I dont always realize when it is happening. We talked a little about something my mom said about my sister being on a ventilator before she died amd she kept pushing for feelings. I kept disconnecting and saying I dont know and she would push some more. It took me forever to get grounded(is what T called it) and finally start putting feelings with it. Honestly I think I got so stressed at times that I was forgetting to breathe because when I left my breathing changed so dramatically in seconds of going out to my car. This is going to be tough for me. Got another appointment next week tuesday...I scared to be so exhausted after again.

[mixedup_emotions]

It's great that you are trying so hard to go through this very, very difficult process. Dissociating is a survival technique that many who have endured traumas used when they were younger, and I have a tendency to do that as well, on many different levels.

It will take time to reconnect to your feelings and to work through them. It's not at all an easy task.

I can relate to that feeling.

I can understand why your T might push you a little, but if you're feeling unsafe and having trouble breathing, I'd definitely tell your T that so you two can slow down a little bit.

You really need to feel safe before the feelings will surface. I doubt your T would want you feeling this scared.