[Wawrzyn]

Has it ever happened to you that you were at the grocery store or the mall or anywhere other than the T's office and you bumped into your T and instead of receiving a warm greeting the T ignored you and pretended that he or she didn't see you?

[mightaswelllive]

Originally Posted by Wawrzyn

Has it ever happened to you that you were at the grocery store or the mall or anywhere other than the T's office and you bumped into your T and instead of receiving a warm greeting the T ignored you and pretended that he or she didn't see you?

By doing this, T is respecting client confidentiality - most will not approach you or acknowledge you unless you do first.

[Perna]

T's have regular lives too; they may not have "seen" you since you were out of context.

[Wawrzyn]

Originally Posted by mightaswelllive

By doing this, T is respecting client confidentiality - most will not approach you or acknowledge you unless you do first.

That makes sense, but a simple smile is not going to break confidentiality, especially since the therapist dresses and acts like any other civilian and any person witnessing the friendly gesture has no reason to think that the T is anything to me other than a friend, colleague or acquaintance.

Originally Posted by Perna

T's have regular lives too; they may not have "seen" you since you were out of context.

I have bumped into coworkers at the mall. We were "out of context", we were surprised, but neither one ignored the other.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Wawrzyn

Has it ever happened to you that you were at the grocery store or the mall or anywhere other than the T's office and you bumped into your T and instead of receiving a warm greeting the T ignored you and pretended that he or she didn't see you?

Has this happened to you? Did you bring it up with your therapist to discuss it? That might give you some insight into why the interaction with your T went that way. (It is not the way all such chance interactions go.)

As a clinician, I've had these experiences. Clients at Wal-Mart or where ever. If I'm acknowledged, I acknowledge them back. If not, I don't do anything. I don't smile, I don't wave, I don't hold eye contact even.

Sometimes I've seen clients, and they hold eye contact, but I haven't registered from where I know them. It's not intentional. It's just out of context and my brain didn't click "oh that's client X".

I've had clients come to session and say "I saw you at such-and-such place and you didn't acknowledge me!" Oops. I hadn't seen them at all. I didn't even know we were at the same place at the same time.

I wonder if it's that the T "pretended" not to see you. Or if T TRULY didn't see you.

[PreacherHeckler]

A simple smile might seem innocent but your T may not necessarily know if you are in the company of someone who is controlling and abusive, and that "simple smile" could become the catalyst for violence. Most T's will err on the side of caution for a number of reasons, including the fact that you might be with friends who do not know you are in therapy, and if they see this "stranger" smiling at you they might ask questions you aren't prepared to answer. I don't run into my T very often but when I do, my T always waits for me to initiate contact and then he will greet me because he knows it is ok with me at that point. If I don't say hi to him first, he will not acknowledge me. That's a good policy and it gives us control over our own exposure in the community.

[rainbow8]

A couple of my Ts asked me, early in therapy, if I wanted them to ignore me or acknowledge me if we met in public. They said some people just want T to ignore them. I'm not like that. I feel rejected if my T ignores me.

I used to see my former T often, and sometimes she would smile first, but wouldn't come up to me or talk until I did it.

I agree with the reasoning that it's for confidentiality purposes, and I think it's important that you discuss it with your T to see if that's her reasoning. If you want her to smile or make contact with you, tell her! Despite our wishful thinking, our Ts are not mind readers!!

[granite1]

i had a situation like this but it was in her office.i was waiting to pay her secitary and someone was infront of me and kind of having a problem with appointments so it was taking a bit but it was ok because i was early.my T came down stairs and was walking down the hall towards me and the other person i smiled and waved and she totally ignored me and just said excuse me as she walked bye me.i was likewhat did i do?i guess im not supose to acknowledge her in the hall or something.i felt like i did something wrong.it wasnt like she was with a client or something she was just bringing paperwork downstairs.it was strange.i know i wont ever talk to out in the hall again

[Wawrzyn]

Originally Posted by stormyangels

Sometimes I've seen clients, and they hold eye contact, but I haven't registered from where I know them. It's not intentional. It's just out of context and my brain didn't click "oh that's client X".

And those same patients probably think that you love them and really care about them and that they are more than just a job to you.

I do care about them. They are more than just a job to me. If they weren't, I could do something and make a lot more money doing so. But I enjoy what I do, and connecting to people.

I've run into colleagues, and because they're out of context, I don't recognize them. But I see them EVERYDAY in the office setting. My clients I see 1x a week (so less frequent).

You appear very set on the idea that therapists do not care. It saddens me that this has been your experience. However, if you seek everything to validate your view, you are going to continue to feel negative about the relationship. If you are looking for ways to prove that therapists don't care, you will find it. What if you looked for how they DO care?

As much as I hate it - my degree did not come with super human powers. I still fail. I admit it when I recognize it. It does not mean I do not care or do not love my clients.

[WePow]

And to just give another side of this ----

One day only a few months ago I was eating out at lunch and was in the area of my T's office with a friend to do some shopping before my session. I was walking out and went past the bar and the bartender is someone I knew and she waved at me. I smiled and waved back and then left. It was lunch, but not that busy.

Well a few hours later I saw my T for session and he said "I waved back to you but was eating lunch with a friend so that is why I didn't say anything."

WTF ???????

I was like "When was this?" He looked SHOCKED and said "A few hours ago. I was sitting at the bar and you walked by on the way out and waved to me."

uhhhhhh no T, I didn't even SEE you sitting there!!

[PreacherHeckler]

Wawrzyn, I'm a little confused. You are posting in this thread about your beliefs that T's don't really care, but in another thread you started you are wondering if it's ethical to become friends with a T after therapy because you think it could work out for you and your T. Why on earth would you want to become friends with a T if you believe they don't really care about their patients/clients?

[Wawrzyn]

Originally Posted by PreacherHeckler

Wawrzyn, I'm a little confused. You are posting in this thread about your beliefs that T's don't really care, but in another thread you started you are wondering if it's ethical to become friends with a T after therapy because you think it could work out for you and your T. Why on earth would you want to become friends with a T if you believe they don't really care about their patients/clients?

I believe that my T cares about me as a patient. But I also want him to care about me as a friend.

[googley]

You also have to think about it from the perspective of the therapist. If the therapist is with a friend/colleague/child/spouse they may not initiate/reciprocate contact because they do not want the person they are with knowing you are a client. They may not want to have to answer questions to the person you are with about how they know you. Confidentiality is very important to a lot of clients. It is easier to keep one base (most restrictive) rules to keep from making a mistake with a client.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by Wawrzyn

I believe that my T cares about me as a patient. But I also want him to care about me as a friend.

I think stormy is right. If you look for evidence for anything you will find it. Good or bad.

If you want your therapist to be your friend, I think that's okay. I think you should tell him and talk about it.

I really do think that it's natural to have these thoughts about therapists. They are usually very kind to us, and sometimes that feels really really good.

It's not that other people aren't kind to us, and, of course, I don't know your story, but sometimes with the therapist is easier to allow ourselves to feel that kindness.

My therapist and I have seen each other in restaurants. It's disturbing to see him free-range like that. I want him to live in his office I guess.

He did not acknowledge me. I was grateful. I was with some people and I really didn't want to have to explain who he was.

Also, it confirmed the fact that he was going to hold my secrets. For me, it was the most professional, kind and disciplined thing he could have done.

[geez]

I've bumped into my T on many occasions and she will smile or wave or talk to my 5yr old if he's with me but that's about it. And that's only if I'm comfortable with it. There are other times we have seen each other and haven't acknowledged one another when she has been in the company of other people. In session we did talk about this and she doesn't like to chat outside the office publicly for privacy reasons other than a friendly hello, wave or smile. She leaves it up to the client to initiate a hello for their own privacy.

[splitimage]

All of my T's including my addictions nurses say that if they see me in public they won't acknowledge me, unless I initiate it. Seems to be fairly standard practice to protect confidentiallity / annonymity.

It's only really an issue with one of my T's. My primary T who I've been seeing the longest have a mutual acquaintance who is a musician. We both always go to her concerts. My T won't initiate, but I usually go over to her to say hi and we talk about the concert. It was a little weird when she introduced me to her partner. (oh right T does have a life outside of therapy).

[Omers]

I usually initiate this conversation at the first session. I hate HIPPA (the US laws about confidentiality) even though it is for my protection... however, I wouldn't work with someone who I didn't think was ethical enough to be appropriate. Anyway...

My current T knows that if she sees me that I would like her to say hi and we have agreed to that... Other than her everone else said that I had to initiate. One ignored me after I initiated (and we agreed to my initiating)... Ooooh was I hot next session.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by Wawrzyn

I believe that my T cares about me as a patient. But I also want him to care about me as a friend.

Wawrzyn, over time it is likely that your therapist will come to care about you deeply as a human being. In order for therapy to be effective, however, it is inappropriate for your therapist to care about you as a 'friend'. Friends don't help and support us through the depths of therapeutic work - therapists do.
That is by no means settling for something 'less'. The therapeutic relationship has the potential to be far more powerful and transformative than the bond between friends can be.

I have bumped into my T outside the office on several occasions. She acknowledged me, happily, but only after I initiated the interaction with her. She later told me that she doesn't acknowledge clients outside the office unless they do to her first, for the same reason others have stated here - confidentiality.
This is an important rule that most therapists abide by. It has nothing to do with caring or not caring about a client, and everything to do with protecting client confidentiality - which is vital for effective therapy. A therapist who breaks confidentiality (except where legally required) is worth diddly squat.

[with or without you]

have never seen my therapist in public and I hope I never do. It would just be weird, and I would not acknowledge her.

[sugahorse1]

I'd feel uncomfortable if I met my T in public... But I'm not denying that it could well happen