[emilyjeanne]

I rarely write my own post. I might ramble for a bit. I don't expect answers. Just knowing people will read this is enough.

But today I'm feeling that I need my T. Monday is normally one of the days I see her. But part of me is glad she is gone. I'm snowed in with 2.5 feet of snow and would not of been able to make my appt. anyway. I was thinking this morning how panic would have overcome me because I would be missing my appt. That feeling is the worse. Needed to get there but can't. I have those anxiety type dreams all the time.

So, the good thing is I'm not experiencing that anxiety that I need to get to my appt.

But, I'm coming up on a major trauma anniversary on Wed and I'm starting to feel shaky. T told me that I can call if I need to talk. That she is answering her calls. But I'm one of those patients that never calls. I have a hard time reaching out when I need it. I'm concerned because sometimes I dissociate. Not in the multiple personality way. But I just space out. In fact this has not happened in a very long time. Yesterday I hurt my shoulder. I don't know how I did it. One minute I was taking a shower, the next I couldn't move my arm and was in extreme pain. So I waited for a few hours thinking I just strained it. But I ended up in the emergency room in the middle of the blizzard. Not dislocated or broken. They told me to go to the ortho doc. IT HURTS and obviously I did something to it. Cannot move it without extreme pain. I had to lie at the ER because they wanted to know how it happened. Of course I couldn't tell them that I didn't know.

So, I'm starting to think that I dissociated, hurt myself, didn't know it until I was sitting in a chair.

What concerns me is that I'm reacting to the trauma by dissociating. I've never hurt myself before when I've been in this state.

So I sit here, do I call my T or do I wait? What good would it do anyway? Make me miss her more? And I would still feel crappy about the trauma.

Ok enough my rambling.

[WePow]

((((Emilyjeanne)))) Go ahead and call your T since she said you can. She would WANT you to do so. Go ahead and do it now so she can help you stabalize before things get too bad for you.

[Confused_1982]

I agree with WePow- definitely give T a call. She has encouraged you to call her if you are in need; she would not have brought this up if she didn't want you to contact her. It is difficult making the first call, but I'm sure T will be pleased to hear from you if you need her and will appreciate that it hard for you to call. If you are coming up to a trauma anniversary and are having difficulty coping T will want to hear from you so she can help

[Melbadaze]

emily, you don't have to rationalize or justify. Just call T, by doin so you are actually helping yourself and that ain't a crime.

[pachyderm]

Call, already!

[jilliebeanmn]

I agree...make the call...big step I know, but you can do it!

[granite1]

if you can call why put yourself through so much pain the trama aniversary will be painfull enough dont ya think

[emilyjeanne]

Thanks everyone for your input. I'm going to give her a call tomorrow. I'm feeling ok right now. It might be the pain killers i'm on.

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( emilyjeanne ))))

(((((((((((((((emilyjeanne))))))))))))))

Just want you to know I am thinking of you today.