trust, again

I'm having trust issues again.

I really want to feel like I can trust my T, but right now I don't know if I can. I asked her opinion on something and she was like, I'm not going to tell you. I feel like she has shared her opinion in the past. It feels like all of the sudden she has changed. I can't think of any specific time when she has shared her opinion, but it feels like she did. Or at least she would correct me if I was wrong. And now she wont say anything. I don't understand how she believes I can see that as her having anything but a negative opinion. It feels like if she had a positive opinion she would share it with me. She pretty much said that she wasn't going to tell me anything and that was just the way it was. No space for negotiation or discussion. No room to convince her otherwise.

I feel like there is this huge gulf between us and I don't know what to do about it. I know there are topics she wants me to talk about, but I just can't. They are too scary, and I don't know what to say about them. And this whole trust thing just makes it worse.

I don't know what to do.

((((Googley)))) The best thing will be to just let her know you don't trust her right now. Just say that much and let her take it from there. I have had to say this a few times and it helped my T get me back on track.

Googley I agree with WePow if you can tell her that much than she will hopefully start investigating and maybe you can tell her when this gulf began. I think that she needs to know that her not offering her opinion is super hurtful to you and she may have to adjust her therapy or at the very least offer you comfort.

You have to feel comfortable talking about stuff. It is no good to feel forced to in any way. That has always backfired for me. (It happened a few times in couples therapy). I wasn't exactly forced, but I wasn't ready and I just tried to push through. In the end I didn't feel safe.

In a way, I can understand T not wanting to share her opinion. I'm not sure I'd want T's opinion on certain things, because I might hesitate to share certain things with him depending on what his opinion may or may not be.

I can also understand the feelings of rejection that I'd feel if I asked T for something and he wasn't willing to give it to me. I'd be sure to ask why and would expect an answer until I was satisfied!

i agree with the others. i would flat tell her you don't trust her and see if she can help you work through it with her. i've told my t that a bunch of times. sometimes it ended up being something i had to change and sometimes it was something she needed to change, but we worked through it. it really stink going through it, but i usually end up trusting her more afterwards.

Are you using this issue as a way to avoid getting into the scary issues?

Maybe you can't think of a time in the past where she shared her opinion because she didn't? And you feel that she did but what really happened is that this is the first time that you asked for her opinion?

What would you really gain by her telling you either 1) you will be a great social worker, or 2) you shouldn't become a social worker? Why is her opinion so valuable to you?

I know that I am really hard on myself. I know I am really critical of myself. I don't know how to judge myself given that I feel like my professors have a negative bias against me since I am opinionated. They think that everyone should agree with everything they say all the time. So I don't trust their judgment. I know their assumptions about me are wrong. I guess I just want the opinion of someone who I see as objective. I know people who I have worked with in the past have said that they thought I would be a good professional, but it is hard to hold onto those opinions since I don't see those people anymore.

Or it is hard for you to believe positive things about yourself?

"I know that when I couldn't afford to keep seeing her she shared her opinion that I should keep seeing someone."

This is a different kind of opinion though.

"But I still don't understand why she wont share"

You really don't understand or you don't want to understand because you want it so badly?