Saw my t at the market

I saw my t at the market yesterday in the parking lot. I was just getting out of my car and I saw him and two of his kids walking down the same lane where I was parked.

I did something a little weird, I hurried up and went accross the parking aisle as fast as I could so I wouldn't have to walk past them. It was an obvious thing. T saw me, I saw t. We made brief eye contact once I was safely accross the parking lot.

It was very intentional on t's part that we made eye contact because I only glanced up for one nanosecond and he was looking at me I think waiting to see if I would look.

It was really weird because I felt like if I were to walk past him it would be an intrusion into his private life. I don't know things have been really hard lately. T knows I am soooo depressed that I just want to lay down and die. He tells me to call him between sessions for support and I used to but I never do anymore.

This was just a weird situation and I was wondering how anybody else felt or what you did if you ever ran into t outside of the office?

OMG, I hope I never see T out of the office, I wouldn't like it....as much as I like her personally. FYI - They are trained to follow your lead if you run into them in public because of confidentiality.

Strangely, I've never run into T outside the office. We live in the same town, and I've been seeing him for over 3 years, but our paths have never crossed! He does live on the other side of town, so I'm guessing that we just hit different stores, etc.

I did have the weird experience of leaving him a voice mail, looking in my rear view mirror while I was leaving it (I was driving home from therapy) and seeing him two cars behind me at a red light. I felt very much like AAAAAAAAA! It was just so weird, especially since I was talking to his voice mail right then

I'm glad you saw him, kacey. It sounds like things are really hard right now. Maybe it was a little gift from the universe...a little reminder that T is still there, even between appointments.

Wishing you peace. I'm sorry things are so hard right now.

It would be pretty near impossible to not run into my former T from time to time where I live. This a small town and it can't really be avoided. It's a bit awkward, but in a way, I think it can be healthy too. It's good to be reminded that therapists are human beings just like any of us...they need to fill their cars with gas and they get groceries too. Anytime T and I have bumped into one another, we were always cordial and went about our own business. It isn't easy, though. I hope you are feeling better soon, Kacey.

When I was a teenager I saw my T once or twice right before my session. I came directly from school and had extra time and she seemed to have a break right before my session. Every time I saw her I ran away (out of the store) before she saw me (or at least I think before she saw me.)

Sometimes Ts bring these things up in the next session, so don't be surprised if he asks what it was like for you to see him outside of session.

As a client - with DID - it's risky to run into our therapist(s) in public. I had a little one who came out and screamed her name across a restaurant and ran towards her. I had another little one who ran into T's hubby and nearly tackled him by association. Then some poor woman at the mall who looked like our T - she nearly got plowed over my little people in a big body... I think they'd love to run into our T's

Thank you for this, treehouse--it gave me a chuckle, not at your expense, of course--just a great little story and visual.

I'm not back in therapy yet (later this month), but when I was, I never really saw my therapist outside his office, unless you count the sidewalk beside the building or the parking lot nearby. Reading people's experiences here have given me food for thought regarding that potential situation, since it was one I hadn't really considered. I'm not sure what I'd do--say hello, I guess. If anyone asked, I'd say he was one of my college teachers or something, or maybe just a friend.

Sheesh, I forgot I'd wanted to reply to this wonderful response, too.

Thank you, Brightheart--I really appreciate your perspective on this issue, and think you've got a great way to look at and handle this interaction when it happens. I know everyone's situation is different, but this point of view works well for me.

((((((((((((Kacey)))))))))))))

I've never run into my T but I know if I did I would run away and avoid her

She has told me stories about running into other clients, and being invited to go to dinner with them and their families!!
Can you imagine running into your T and suggesting dinner together?
(Of course she declined.)

I'm really sorry you're so depressed lately.

I've run into my T's everywhere. I do mean everyyyyyyyyyywhere. Except the bathroom, thankfully. But then again, three of my T's also worked in a place I hung out a lot at school, and another two T's worked in the health services for my university where I was a lot...

Heck, I ran into my former pdoc at a train station, in another city 5+ hours away. Now THAT was weird. (I introduced him to my friends. He later told me I didn't have to do that and I could have had my own 'space', but I didn't mind at all)

Kacey2

My T lives in the next town over, which is a funky, fun town. Now I know, I avoid the town at all costs! I even avoid the supermarkets in my town that abut to his town.

Don't know why I do it, but I do.

Early in therapy, my T told me about an event in an area of interest of mine. I considered going but one thing (among many bigger things in my library of fear) was what if she was there: was I supposed to not acknowledge her, would she acknowledge me? if so, how?
So I took it to therapy. I didn't go because the many other issues kept me from going, but while discussing those, I also talked about the fear of running into her and how that would work. I don't even remember now what was said. I do know that if I saw her I would say hello in passing and however that went would be okay. If she returned my hello okay and if not, well probably okay but there will be a session to talk about it if it was not okay.

I think, though, that it would really kind of disorient me to see my therapist out in public!

I've actually thought about this quite a bit because I've recently been interested in his behavior in session. I've wanted to run into him outside the office just so I could see how he is in public or behaves with his wife and kids. I also think it may be interesting how he reacts to seeing his clients ouside the office as well.

Over the past three years I've run into or seen my T several times at the gym, grocery store, library, town hall, local theater, driving - umm I think that's about it?

Sweetlove I sometimes secretly 'watch' my T in public to see how she is in 'real life' LOL!! - I hope that doesn't sound too weird. - ok maybe I watched her twice since I've known her. And no I have never driven by her house etc... It wasn't a stalker kind of thing.

And basically she's a nut like the rest of us. Just Joking!

- she seems normal and to be a great mom but I really don't 'know her'. I must say while feeling weird about seeing her in public there is a level of comfort I do feel seeing her. It's like a relief or comfort that she's 'there'. I've told her this - about the comfort and weirdness of seeing her but never told her I have 'watched' her.

I'm curious in a way about this too!
My T once went over me what we might do if we did happen to see each other in public......she would acknowledge me if I acknowledged her first. But I think if I did see her in public right now anyway, I wouldn't want to! Even if I might want to spy a bit to see if she was acting like the person I 'perceive' her to be!
Once, I had thought of going to a certain event but didn't. Then a friend of mine who knows my T (because they're in the same church but not friends) said she saw my T there - and I thought it was interesting that my first reaction was that I was thankful I hadn't gone! The whole idea of seeing her in public somehow disconcerted me and made me feel nervous. Still does. The deeper we go into the darker things in me in therapy the more I feel that way.....feeling exposed even by the thought of her seeing me in public when she has seen the inside of my heart and mind so much in private.
Maybe in time that will change...

Thanks Tree,
I like your spin on it about a little gift. Never thought of it like that. It doesn't feel like a gift right now but that doesn't mean it isn't one.

Sooo..... to continue on. You won't believe it but today I saw t again, this time driving over 40 minutes from our town. Ugghh. I was just driving home minding my own business and there he is again driving with his family! It really bothered me because then I started to wonder what he was doing, where they were going, when he was coming back etc.... I have been doing a lot of 'splitting' for lack of a better word when it comes to t. 50 min session unattatched then back to the old grind of fighting depression on my own til the next 50 min. Not thinking or caring about t or my sessions and when these things happen it doesn't help me compartmentalize it.

It must be some of the apathy that comes with the depression because as you all can remember I used to care a lot about my t relationship and get wrapped up in what it was and what it was not. Now I must have shut off any feeling because I just go since I don't have the energy or guts to quit but I don't have faith in therapy helping me anymore.

WOW just reading this back to myself, I sound like a huge Downer! Sorry guys. I just am really aware at the change I have felt lately. I told t about 2mos ago that it was something that resembled my past. I tried hard to be a good 'all star' kid to change the abuse in my family and to be cared for and loved and when I got to be a teenager I madly rebelled because I figured out that it didn't matter. What I did was in total vain. I never tried or cared again what my parents thought or if they loved me and I still don't. I never looked back, I could never get back to the point of if I did care. I told t that would happen some day and now I know that it has. I wish he would have taken me more seriously when I told him this would happen.

Sorry about being such a slug on this post.

yah Echoes that is a great way to put it. Disorienting. Thanks for this.

Thanks for the heads up on this googley.

My T and I did discuss this once. She just wanted me to know about the confidentiality thing and that she would not acknowledge me in public unless I acknowledged her first.

I think my first reaction would be: "Hey _____!" and then give a friendly hug. That is just how I normally greet anyone that I run into in public. But since she we have discussed the 'no touching' thing, I am not sure I would hug her.

I kinda wish I would run into her. Just for kicks, I'd like to see how I (she) would react!

In September I started a course right round the corner from where my T works three days a week, and felt very anxious about seeing her. I asked her where I should avoid going at lunchtime, and that helped. A few months later, I've got braver, and feel quite relaxed about the possibility of seeing her. In fact, I sometimes realise that I'm subconsciously looking around for her- maybe even hoping to see her?

In November, I moved vaguely close to where T lives, and that feels totally different, because if I saw her she'd be with her family being a 'mother' rather than on her own/with colleagues in a work role. I don't feel like I can ask her where to avoid, because it's asking about her personal life rather than her work life, so I just don't go out of my front door No, I imagine the areas I think T might go to, based on the v v limited information i have, and then choose to go away from rather than towards that area.

The thing I dread the most is seeing her with her daughter, or indeed anyone (husband, nanny) with T's daughter. Knowing her daughter's name and then seeing her photograph have helped a lot- I'm no longer constantly worrying that every little girl I see might be T's. Do get the odd heart attack though when I'm out and about and hear someone call that name!

I saw my T once at a farmer's market and actually it felt nice to see a familiar face of someone I felt so close to. But what can you say, I was like "Oh hi, how are you?" and it's not like she could tell me and she couldn't ask me either... so instead we went on for a minute about the weather and the good turn out at the farmer's market then speedily said goodbye. But that was my first T, and to be honest I wouldn't want to run into my new T. I don't want to know about her life at all. I don't think it's weird to want to avoid a T outside the office...

Many of you probably remember that my former T and I used to cross paths periodically, but I'll repeat it for you, Kacey (sometimes I think people must be tired of my same old stories, but there are new people posting who haven't heard it).

At first it was awful. I wanted to avoid her, but at the same time I was fascinated. Sometimes she would be at the same dinners as I was at (these were large banquet type events) and I panicked that she and I would be seated at the same table. We never were.

Eventually I wanted to go up and talk for a few minutes when I'd see her, and that was fine with her. But she didn't like it that I watched her so carefully. I couldn't help it; I was very much attached to her at this time.

Once we attended a class together and there were 2 seats left, one next to me and one farther away. She told me afterwards that she had to make a split second decision about which would hurt me less. She knew I didn't want her to reject me. So, she sat next to me and I felt like a deer in the headlights!! I was so embarrassed; we had to discuss it in my session.

About a year later we sat next to each other for something and I was totally relaxed, and it was a good experience. But another time I was totally triggered by seeing her with her grandchildren. When I saw her with her daughter, I was jealous.

She also attended my daughter's wedding, but that's another story I'm not getting into here!

So, she's not my T anymore and I saw her recently. We had a nice conversation though it's still a little weird.

In retrospect, I think there a lot of problems caused when you see your T in places other than therapy, but it could be managed.