Anger can make you do crazy things! (Take 2)

Thinking back and trying to figure out what may have triggered my anger, I do know what probably caused it. My husband has been addicted to pornography most of our married life. It bothers me a great deal. When my children were younger, I was constantly worried that they would come in on him while he was viewing that sort of stuff.

A few years ago, he just happened to leave his email open. I wasn't trying to spy on him or anything, but I started reading the last email he wrote. To my total shock, he had been having an emotional, sexual, online relationship with a woman for months! I read all the graphic details about how they wanted to have sex with each other.

This is not the first time he has done this. He always tells me that he is sorry and that he is not going to do that again. After a while, you just don't believe it anymore. I don't EVER go into his emails. I don't want to know what he is doing anymore. I cannot handle that.

Some people would not view this as having an affair, but I do. It may not be physical, but having intimate, sexual conversations with another woman IS having an affair in my book.

The trigger was that we got into a conversation about sex. I guess I hit a nerve with him (cannot remember what I said), but his comment was that it was none of my business what he does (concerning masturbation and what he does in private). I was like, "What did you say?" He repeated it and said that what he does in private is not hurting anyone. He thinks it is no big deal.

This was my clue that he was up to that stuff again. Not sure if he is actually communicating with women, but then again, I don't want to know. I was so mad that I walked out and slammed the door! Yes, anger showed up that night. Talk about hurt, rejection, and a slap in the face, that is how I felt that night. I HATE that he does that, but I cannot control what others do, I can only control what I do (and that is a full time job right now).