wanting a relationship outside the walls

lately i have read so many posts about wanting to be with T outside of therapy,or be in a family with T,or friends.or whatever...i just really have been thinking about this experiance i had and thought i would share it with you no need to respond at all.i think i was 16 not really sure of dates and ages as my memory stinks as far as time.i was in hight school and was seeing the school therapist once a day to start.i had a lot of problems and one day the special ED director kind of grabbed me bye the coller and dumped me in her office saying can you do something with herspec ed director and i were very close he wasa like a dad to me.i was angry etc but eventuall i was able to talk to her and we became very close.i would go ovwer he house when my family would kick me out etc...anyway we were very close.i would call her anytime i had a problem or wanted to hurt myself etc...durring the summer she left the school to work for another agency but i was still able to see her call her go over her house when things wernt good at home.i wanted so badly to be her kid and part of her family i would always fantisize about it.i loved her with all my heart and sole.when things got really bad and i was being admitted to hosp and stuff eventually things got so bad i was being taken away from my family and she fought to have me live with her as a foster child.all my dreams were fulfilled.i was moving in with someone who loved me and i loved and would talk to me help me with all my problems.is going to give me all her undivided attention,she will be thare for me all the time,just like when i saw her in her office or she came and visited me in hosp,or i called her.(CAN YOU SEE WHARE I AM GPOING WITH THIS)so i moved in with her and her husband and her 22 year old doughter.about 8 months later i was admitted to my first extended hospital stay and i never was able to go back and live with her.although she was still my foster mom and supported me and all.after i moved in nothing changed i still had all the anger and hate and all these out of controle feelings that didnt go away(GO FIGURE).in fact along with that i was also devistated that she was human and had a family and i wasnt going to be the center of her world like i thought.i remember dying to get her alone so i could talk to her etc..i remember her getting frustrated asking if i was her foster kid or client.she did get me another T but i didnt talk to het i was living with my T.a lot went on but to make a long story somewhat short.in the end her love just wasnt enough.i needed a Tand she couldnt be both but she did stay my foster mom.but now i have learned and would be happy to have a great therapist who can really help me with this stuff.i dont think i need T to love me but jut to really care enough to want to help me and mean it

Thanks so much for sharing this, granite....((( HUGS )))

(((((granite1))))) You have been through so much, and you have come so far; now you and T are taking good care or granite1

(((((((((((((Granite)))))))))))))

Thank you for sharing this story <3

granite: Thank you very much for sharing with us. That sounds very painful. I wonder if you could ever share it with your T. You're a strong woman and you're moving forward even if you don't see it.

Thank you so very much for sharing this. I think it's a really important story to hear.

I'm so sorry that you were hurt in this way. I hope the T you have now can help you to heal

thanks everyone i just wanted to say i love my foster mom very much and she was good to me and loved me i just wanted to point out that sometimes when we get what we ask for (living with T,being adopted by Tetc...)it isnt always what we need or what we expect or helpfull.my foster mom was just as devistated the i was still behaving the way i was after i moved in.i remember her telling me how she really thought that getting me out of the situation i was in would help.and it did keep me from being abused any more but clearly the damage had been done and i needed more help than she could provide to keep me safe.we do still keep in tough always but she has moved to a differnt state

Sounds like she didn't really understand how things work with kids who are abused and neglected and then become foster children. The knowledge about this stuff is rather new and actually just beginning.

(((Granite))) thanks for sharing. It sounds very painful. I also have these ideals in my head, and really wish they could be met. But no doubt, were they to be met, I'd find that they are not enough. We need to learn to be enough for ourselves