[Melbadaze]

Reading Kaceys Poll thread one of the questions about how often you think about therapy, made me think, do I? But then I realised I think about therapy a lot during my day to day outside life because its a spring board for "doing" life for me, like a secure base, its like I check into my therapy experience if I'm having a discussion with one of my children, If I'm doing something new or anything that I may come up against in any 24hrs...I think back to my time before therapy and wonder did I use my dysfunctional upbringing in the same way? and I honestly can't really remember, I use to do things without thinking more, and most of that was negative, I didnt have the freedom in my mind to think about what would my adoptive parents have done in this situation and weight it up, it was all so concrete, this is what SHOULD happen, and I guess there was clue here that I couldnt' think about it, there was no space but when I "think" about T or therapy theres a thinking quality about it, its not either/or I get to decide if it feels best, so yes thinking about therapy is for me a secure base, I use it to do my life. Do others have experiences of how their "secure base" was before therapy? I understand if some are in therapy for a specific issuse such as rape and not because of a dysfunctional upbringing this isn't going to be as important, so this is more for those that had dysfunctional family upbringing.

[Perna]

I experienced day-to-day life as you describe, without "space" to think. I imagined myself very much like Chicken Little, the sky was always falling, there was no other scenario. My own secure base was inside myself, and, as an inexperienced young person, that wasn't terribly secure? I did know, without doubt, that I was intelligent, had good thinking skills/common sense, a good sense of humor, was imaginative/creative, but my day-to-day/moment-to-moment fear usually swamped me. It took a long time to realize that, like a turtle or hedgehog, I could retreat inside and "trust" that no one could get in (problem being I couldn't get out, either and you can only roll just so tight before you run out of interior room).

But as I got better in therapy I learned to use my knowledge that I could "retreat" faster than anyone could get to me to hurt me to experiment and take chances staying "out" longer and longer and realizing that it wasn't so bad, that I could take care of myself or that I wasn't actually attacked, that being attacked was a function of my fear of attack rather than what was happening and I got rid of a lot of my wrong perceptions. I also learned to enjoy other people I was attracted to and not just fear they wouldn't be attracted to me.

[Melbadaze]

perna, I couldnt believe anything about myself before therapy...had no idea what my favourite colour was, couldnt form an opinon, I was completely without inner form..my adoptive mothers power over me was complete, all I could do was rebel...I had an idea I had a good sense of humour only because that was how me and my adoptive father communicated with each other, but seriously it always makes me realise how completely engulfed I was when I hear other people have some point of reference within themselves..

[Sannah]

So this is your secure base like a child uses a parent as a secure base? (A healthy parent of course!)

[Melbadaze]

Originally Posted by Sannah

So this is your secure base like a child uses a parent as a secure base? (A healthy parent of course!)

huh? .

[Sannah]

The secure base is discussed with attachment. If a child securely attaches to their caregiver they are able to go out and explore the environment because they have that secure base to run back to and feel safe and receive comfort and encouragement that everything is okay.