There is a Zen saying about a finger pointing to the moon. Essentially, if someone is pointing at the moon and we look at the finger, we miss the glory of the moon itself.

I've come across that saying six or seven times in the past two days...in the strangest places. In a Bruce Lee movie. In a book I'm reading. In an e-mail this morning. It's so pervasive that even my H is all about it. H, who is not all hippie-dippie like me, says "someone is obviously trying to tell you something".

I've thought a lot about it. In Buddhism, the lesson is that if we focus only on the dharma (the teachings of the Buddha), we'll never have the actual EXPERIENCE of mindfulness, or enlightenment, or nirvana. We'll be too busy studying to experience "being".

And it's made me think a lot about T. T is the "finger". He is pointing to the moon. He is showing me what it is like to be heard, to be loved, to be connected. He is showing me what it feels like to trust, to be trusted, to be in an intimate relationship that is safe. He is showing me what if feels like to allow myself to truly open up to another human being.

But the Moon is what happens outside of T's office. The point is to carry those lessons with me, inside of me, into the world, and to connect, and learn, and love out HERE.

I'm realizing that when I long for connection, I long for T. But T is only the finger pointing to the moon. I can connect with H or my friends or my higher power or my children or my Self. When I long for love, I long for T. But love is right here around me.

I'm not even sure if this makes sense (it does to me! lol). But it was this HUGE a-ha moment for me. If I only focus on the finger, I'll never experience the hugeness and the beauty of the moon itself.

[WePow]

(((((Tree))))))) That is VERY beautiful!
"T is the "finger". " <--- Thanks for saying this! I needed to hear it put this way!

That saying is very old and very true. It takes a very humble person to be able to point at the moon and allow the person to see the moon rather than their shiny finger.

[Gus1234U]

brilliant insight, Tree, and thanks for sharing,, even those of us who think we know this lesson can afford to be reminded~! Gus

[jazzy123456]

GREAT! u r truly learning! that is what i feel like i'm trying to do now, take what i have learned about myself throughout therapy and apply it to my life...i could stay in therapy forever and never really get any WORK done...if i never applied it to my life. I have the tendency to do that in general,not just therapy, just in everyday life, i read up on a lot of stuff but tend to shy back when its time to act on my insights.

[ECHOES]

tree, I just really really love this. I think of how long I made my therapist the focus of therapy rather than the wishes I want for myself that seem as distant as the moon. I think the focusing on the finger vanishes when we can get to that place where we are looking at the moon together.

Thank you for posting this!

[rainbow8]

I think the focusing on the finger vanishes when we can get to that place where we are looking at the moon together.

I really like this, ECHOES. It doesn't mean T disappears, but that you are both looking at what YOU need to look at. I'm glad you're at that place, or getting there. I'm trying to get there too.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I really like this, ECHOES. It doesn't mean T disappears, but that you are both looking at what YOU need to look at. I'm glad you're at that place, or getting there. I'm trying to get there too.

rainbow, I think that place comes and goes

[rainbow8]

tree, I'm going to tell my T what you posted about the moon. She's "into" Buddhist writings and meditation; she'll probably love it!

I'm realizing that when I long for connection, I long for T. But T is only the finger pointing to the moon. I can connect with H or my friends or my higher power or my children or my Self. When I long for love, I long for T. But love is right here around me.

When I wrote a poem for my T about the blanket of love, she told me that the "blanket of love" lives inside of me, and that I can access it at any time. I also want my T when I long for love and connection.

Thanks, tree. You are such an inspiration to me.

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I really like this, ECHOES. It doesn't mean T disappears, but that you are both looking at what YOU need to look at. I'm glad you're at that place, or getting there. I'm trying to get there too.

both looking beyond, both looking at it together......
and maybe this is something to apply to other relationships, too, maybe? not just getting stuck on the person themselves/how they can fulfill you, but looking beyond to a greater perspective, a greater focus.....ah, I don't have that clear enough in my head. (being spiritually minded, I guess I mean not losing my focus of eternal things, or my creator, or my spiritual relationship, because I'm focusing too much on the natural relationships.....that's just me, not meaning to apply it to others who may not think similarly)
anyway, I thought I had moved away from focusing on my T herself too much....but then I find myself once again focusing on her/the connection with her instead of keeping my focus on the greater lessons from that connection...I want to remember to look where's she pointing, not just at her!

[bpd mess]

That's a great word picture, tree. I understand things so much better with word pictures. Now to get past the absolute terror of actually appying it.

Tree, this feels so important, it keeps popping back into my head. Thanks for sharing it.

[pachyderm]

Where is the moon?

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Where is the moon?

in the sky, with the stars? somewhere above and beyond where we are now.....

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I've come across that saying six or seven times in the past two days...in the strangest places. In a Bruce Lee movie. In a book I'm reading. In an e-mail this morning. It's so pervasive that even my H is all about it. H, who is not all hippie-dippie like me, says "someone is obviously trying to tell you something".

This is somewhat off your topic, but what you've said in this part that I've isolated above made me think of something that's been on my mind for a long time now. I don't know how much you know about the actual history of the profession of psychology, but there is a theory by Carl Jung (who was a contemporary of Freud's, although he was much younger) called synchronicity. It's hard for me to wrap my head around it entirely because I don't have a degree in psych, but basically it's about "meaningful coincidences" that cannot be ignored, not necessarily from a Higher Power but the power of the collective unconscious. I am reading about this right now.

Anyway, one of these "synchronicity" moments happened to me last week. Almost 2 years ago, I found out who my birth father was (I always knew I was adopted). It turned out that he along with the woman who is my bio mother were people who had been in my life for its entirety. I have been wrestling with the inevitable confusing feelings a revelation of this magnitude brings up. Anyway, he is 75 and in a nursing home. He really likes to read history books. A little while ago he told me that he was always told growing up that his family was related to the great Scottish poet, Robert Burns, who wrote "Auld Lang Syne" and many other works. I always liked that possibility I could be distantly related to him. So when I went to see him before Xmas I gave him a book of poems by Burns.

So last week, when I was driving, I was thinking how it was a new year and about Auld Lang Syne, and everything else I said in the last paragraph. I had my iPod on shuffle. And about 20 seconds later, the song currently playing ended...............................and Auld Lang Syne came on! There are over 4,000 songs on my iPod, come on! I almost crashed the car!

Anyway, your entire post makes perfect sense to me, and I'm not a hippie either. I have been currently trying to replace my T's finger with as many moons as I can possibly find. Haha, that sounded kind of weird but you know what I mean.

Originally Posted by with or without you

but there is a theory by Carl Jung (who was a contemporary of Freud's, although he was much younger) called synchronicity. It's hard for me to wrap my head around it entirely because I don't have a degree in psych, but basically it's about "meaningful coincidences" that cannot be ignored, not necessarily from a Higher Power but the power of the collective unconscious.

This is funny, ((((wowy)))), because I *literally* just sent my T an e-mail about synchronicity How weird is that? lol

I loved your story. I love those moments of synchronicity (like this one)

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Where is the moon?

I'm going to try to look past T's finger to find out....

But I think it's right here, and I just haven't been able to see it.

(((((((((((pachy))))))))))

[Gus1234U]

"i am that".... Sidharta Guatama, upon the dawn of the first day of his Awakening~

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Where is the moon?

There is a Zen koan my T likes and he used it in my therapy when we were engaged in tearing things down:

Barn's burnt down, now I can see the moon.

.

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by treehouse

This is funny, ((((wowy)))), because I *literally* just sent my T an e-mail about synchronicity How weird is that? lol

I loved your story. I love those moments of synchronicity (like this one)

LOL yikes that is wild! Thanks! I want to know what she thinks of synchronicity, report back here OK?