[WePow]

Well guys, I did it. I actually forced myself to go to session and after 10 min of standing infront of his door but unable to open the door (I was early - and kept thinking he would HATE me showing up so early - along with all the other negative T thoughts I was having), well I finally opened the door and went in to face my fate.

T was not with a client, and he invited me to go ahead and come into his office. He was moving some chairs in his other room for group space. So I got to sit in his office alone and play on my iPad - I have been playing a celtic harp program. T finished and came in and asked me what the program was. Then he downloaded it for his iPhone. I appologized for being early but he was very cool about it and we ended up talking for 20 min about app stuff. That was the first time EVER for that.

We then moved into the heavy stuff for the next hour - a full 60 min :-) A lot of T time! It was not easy at all and I kept my coat on the entire time - but didn't even realize it until I got ready to go and realized it was already still on me.

But he was very kind about things... and I wanted to share that he told me he thought about me when he saw one website. I was shocked - honestly. I said "you did?" And we talked about clients. He said that it was hard when he had over 100 clients in the other place he worked, but now that he has his own private practice, he has only about 30. He said that another T told him in training that therapist have children. Us. And we do rely on them and need them and such. T said he knows what is going on with every single client of his and he does care deeply for us all. That I am NOT just a number or a paycheck.

I logically knew this but emotionally I didn't know it. I felt like I bothered him with my emails and that I bothered him by just existing in his life.
He said the right things tonight to make me feel like he really does care - even when he can't reply to emails. That I am important.

I still am recovering from being so detatched from him this past week. But I feel kinda hopeful now. It is so hard to trust people. But I am very glad I allowed myself to go to session today and just be honest about all of this. It is ok that I need my T at this time in my life.

[Fartraveler]

That's so good, WePow. Congrats to you, and thanks for sharing this.

-Far

We, sounds like a great session, so happy to hear that you and t connected. it is cool to me that t was able to explain how much he cared, and how... sometimes things like that can make all the difference. it took lots of courage going to t to and being so honest... i am so glad it all worked out so well

[Sweetlove]

Wepow!!! That is so great! Your T sounds incredible and perfect for you. I love that he said that about his clients...it makes me hope that my T feels like that. I'm really happy that you were able to be so honest...sessions like this make it all worth it!

Originally Posted by WePow

He said the right things tonight to make me feel like he really does care - even when he can't reply to emails. That I am important.

You ARE important...to T, to PC, and just because you're you. I'm glad you felt that with T tonight

Good for you for being brave and honest

[elliemay]

I gave my therapist today some Apache Tears. According to legend, these stones were created by the tears shed for slain Apache warriors in Arizona. It also marked an end to the Apache warrior spirit. I've been feeling that warrior spirit leave me too lately. A peace and a vastness is opening up. Seemed a fitting gift for the two of us to share right now.

Also, the owner of an apache tears stone never has to cry again. The apache cried the tears for us.

The first words out of his mouth were "These are more yours than mine" I had to show him my stones to get him to accept his.

They care WePow. They do. It's good enough.

[sugahorse1]

Wow - that sounds like an awesome session and exactly like what you needed. Your T cares for your deeply and was able to cement that idea in your heart and soul.
Please print this post out and keep it somewhere safe - refer back to it whenever you have doubt again
(((Wepow))) so glad for you!

[WePow]

(((All))) It was so funny because when I was listening to my T and just absorbing all that love, I thought about you all !!! I thought "I need to bring this home with me and post it to PC! I know if my T feels this that other Ts must feel the same way, but they just don't ever tell clients this!" My T was the one who suddenly looked VERY exposed and vulnerable. It was strange to see this because it was him without his shell of protection. Yes, I am still floored a bit by this.

[sailboat]

Wow, that is heart-warming! I love how he described his clients as children and knows what's going on and everything. I guess he said all those things all of us want to hear...
Wow! That is WONDERFUL!

[SpiritRunner]

WePow, that is lovely! I'm so glad you have a T like that....and yes, there are other Ts like that (I have one!)!!
And you're right, ellie.....they do care. and it is good enough.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by WePow

(((All))) It was so funny because when I was listening to my T and just absorbing all that love, I thought about you all !!! I thought "I need to bring this home with me and post it to PC! I know if my T feels this that other Ts must feel the same way, but they just don't ever tell clients this!" My T was the one who suddenly looked VERY exposed and vulnerable. It was strange to see this because it was him without his shell of protection. Yes, I am still floored a bit by this.

Yes, that is the key, being open to and receptive to that love. You have to be in a place where you are able to receive it.

It's funny, but my therapist and I were just talking about the notion of grace (thanks to treehouse!) and how I was thinking of going to church again. He reiterated that the key to grace is being open to it, even though we may not feel we deserve it. You still have to open your heart and let it in.

I thanked my therapist for the grace he had given me. Despite the apache stones, I think he teared up a little bit. He's such a weepy willow.

[sunrise]

[quote=WePow;1681728]That sounds like such a wonderful session, WePow. I am so glad experienced that and that your T spoke straight from his heart. It's a gift.

I like that your T downloaded the harp app you showed him. I love when my T does things like that, as it makes me feel I have an effect on his life outside of therapy.

Originally Posted by WePow

It is ok that I need my T at this time in my life.

Such a simple statement, but very powerful, I think. I am at a similar place now. It is OK. It is OK (repeat, mantra).

Originally Posted by elliemay

He reiterated that the key to grace is being open to it, even though we may not feel we deserve it. You still have to open your heart and let it in.

Not to get off track, but oddly, I just came home from therapy and I said EXACTLY THIS to my T today. That I am trying to stay open enough to notice grace, accept it, let it in.

It sounds like you're doing that too, WePow