Well, I feel rotten.

My therapist has recommended a peer support group (other people dealing with the same issues, with someone leading the group) in lieu of therapy. For financial reasons, partly (because the group would be free) but also because she doesn't feel qualified to help me deal with my sexual abuse history stuff.

Well, FML.

Considering I went to her originally again because I'd seen her before and knew I had to deal with this abuse stuff, but hadn't even discussed it until this past month... how annoying! She did say she'd be willing to meet with me if I needed it and could talk on the phone... but honestly, the only reason I'm agreeing to consider doing a group (she's doing the research for me to find a group I'd work well with) is because I feel like a burden and an annoyance now. Although rationally I know that if a therapist doesn't have the specific skills, it's better to refer a client elsewhere. Sigh.

I'm just bummed out. I always do get something out of groups, but yet I always seem to fall into a specific role in the group. I also don't know if I want to share my life history with a bunch of random strangers yet either. I've loved going to groups, but I always seem to fall into worrying more about everyone else and trying to 'help' them or make them perceive me in a more positive way. I'm also an attention hog at times too...

But financially, if this group is free... then that's good? I don't even know if a group would work with my already limited schedule which will be getting worse soon (more time restricted). Hell, I can barely schedule in therapy already and I'm less than a month into my semester. And yet, our teachers in my program do recommend we go to therapy to work on our own issues -- since when we graduate, we'll be able to do counselling (not therapy, they're different) and can't have our own issues affecting a client, really.

I feel conflicted. Confused. Sad. Abandoned. Irritated. Anxious. Afraid. Any and all of those I guess. Maybe I'll have the guts to tell my therapist that when I see her next, but I guess it would depend on whether or not she's actually done research into groups I could attend.

Debated leaving her a voicemail yesterday after the session, decided against it. It doesn't do me much good to be irrational or angry, since I know psych groups do good work. I just don't know if *I* would be good in a group right now. But maybe this is what I need to do, to change and be a better person. To reach my goals, whatever they are.

Also have to do the homework she assigned, something about how I perceive myself and how others perceive me. She wrote it down, I'm too lazy to find the paper right now. Sigh.

Burnout, I hate it.

I'm not sure what to say, but just wanted to offer some hugs.

^ THIS is really clear. It makes so much sense that you would feel all of that (and more).

I do hope you'll tell her when you see her - or even before, if you need to. Not necessarily to change the outcome, but because she's your therapist. Even if group ends up being the best thing ever, even if T is making a really sound and caring decision, even if you end up writing her a thank you letter later...THIS is how you feel right now, and THAT is what is important, and what you need the chance to work through.

What a crappy situation. I'm sorry

such interesting dilemas,, Christina.... life takes place in groups so much of the time, maybe it's time for you to get comfortable in them? change your group dynamics skills ?
i hope you find the right group, that can sure make all the difference~! Best wishes,,, Gus

Could you do a group in addition to therapy? If time permits.

So your goal this time might be to change this, and choose the role that you want, instead of the one you fall into?

The group is good if the group it good. If it's free, that's something else.

If you don't wish to do a group, can she refer you to another therapist?

I'm sorry you are having to deal with all of this

((((((((((Christina)))))))))))

I'm sorry you are going through this transition.

Christina, if your therapist is not qualified to help with SA issues, could she refer you to a therapist who is? You were set to do therapy with her, so you had some kind of financial resources to do that? Maybe you could use those resources for a new therapist who is qualified. The group might be helpful, although no guarantee it will be free. I would have a hard time sharing really traumatic stuff, SA, etc. with a group of strangers.

Guess I don't have much practical advice, either....but your feelings are real and valid and I hope you can share them with your current T when you see her again.
I've never done group, and actually am completely terrified at the thought of it! My T brought it up last time too and I simply don't think I can do that.....
I hope you can come to a good resolution of what is right for you to do.