[sherizel73]

Hi everyone. I started seeing a therapist because I have an anxiety and eating disorder. I have never seen a therapist before. I admit, I'm pretty messed up and this has been going on for many, many years. During my second session with the therapist, she told me I have very high walls up and wouldn't make another appointment for me. She said I need to go home and really think if I want her help and if so I need to be more open. I'm to call her next week and let her know my decision.

I am very offended by this, how could she just bail on me? Is this some kind of psychology method that's used or did I just get a bad therapist? I feel like after two sessions she doesn't know enough about me and don't you need to build a level of trust with your therapist? Isn't her job to help me open up?

Just wondering if anyone had any experiences with this or any thoughts on the matter. Thanks!

My walls were 10 feet high and 10 feet thick! It took 9 months to get mine tore down enough to really start getting to the issues we needed to work on. I really don't know why your therapist would say something like that so soon into your therapy. I am sorry that you had such a bad experience your first time in therapy. She may have a very legitimate reason for the actions she took.

Talking with her and asking questions will be the only way for you to figure out what she means. Being able to open up to a therapist (who is basically a total stranger) is not easy to do. Yes, it is her job to help you feel comfortable enough to open up. I am sorry you had such a bad experience so soon into therapy. Don't give up just yet. If she is not the right one for you, seek out someone else.

[jexa]

Whoa. Very, very unusual. Find a new therapist.

[SpiritRunner]

wow...only the 2nd session and she says that?! of course, most everyone still has their walls up at that point, even if you're desperately seeking help! it takes a long time to build up trust for walls to come down, bit by bit.
you're still determining at that point if this T will work for you, usually; doing the history questions and such. it seems much too soon for the T to say something like that to you.....I wonder if maybe she's saying she feels the 2 of you might not be a good fit, really? or maybe she simply wants to know how committed you are to really going through therapy and being willing to do the work? why not ask her these questions when you call her back, and if you are truly committed to going through therapy and doing the work of letting those walls down, tell her that.....and see what she says.
It's OK to keep searching; sometimes it can take a few tries to find the right one for you.

[Luce]

Mmm, yeah, find a new T. It may be that this T is uncomfortable working with people who are guarded, and prefers to work more with people who are open and easy to read. I find it really, really odd and offputting that she said what she said to you, and would definitely not return to a T who said that to me. I have very high walls and am very guarded as well. It takes time to get to know me. If a therapist isn't willing to go at my pace then they are not the T for me.

[skeksi]

My therapist has been helping me take my walls down, brick by brick, for five years. I'm not saying that everyone should keep walls up that long or be in therapy so long, just that there are therapists who are respectful and understanding. I think if you are, indeed, someone with high walls (her assessment doesn't make it so), then you should seek out someone who accepts that and it willing to work with it.

Different people need different therapists. People with long-term problems (like me, and maybe like you) often need a therapist who understands that it may take some time to untangle everything. That kind of therapist might be more willing to explore silences and walls, rather than throw their hands up in futility.

[Omers]

After only knowing someone for 2hrs I would hope your walls would still be up. Good self care and boundaries IMO. I worked with a T for 3 years before I opened up with that T.

I agree with the other posters. That seems harsh and unusual.

If it were me, I'd look for a different T.

I'm seeing a relatively new T and on the 6th session, she said to me "you know, I'm in no hurry. I'm not going to rush you, we've only known each other 5 hours." And that was the most comforting thing I could hear! I have high walls too, and in my experience they only come down in time when you're with someone who is patient and safe who gives you space to heal on your own timeline...

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

My walls were 10 feet high and 10 feet thick! It took 9 months to get mine tore down enough to really start getting to the issues we needed to work on.

LOL, it took me 9 as well.................................but years

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by sherizel73

Hi everyone. I started seeing a therapist because I have an anxiety and eating disorder. I have never seen a therapist before. I admit, I'm pretty messed up and this has been going on for many, many years. During my second session with the therapist, she told me I have very high walls up and wouldn't make another appointment for me. She said I need to go home and really think if I want her help and if so I need to be more open. I'm to call her next week and let her know my decision.

I am very offended by this, how could she just bail on me? Is this some kind of psychology method that's used or did I just get a bad therapist? I feel like after two sessions she doesn't know enough about me and don't you need to build a level of trust with your therapist? Isn't her job to help me open up?

Just wondering if anyone had any experiences with this or any thoughts on the matter. Thanks!

You should see another one right away. A bad first impression really sets everything off on the wrong foot. Sorry this happened to you, good luck.

Originally Posted by with or without you

LOL, it took me 9 as well.................................but years

When we first go into therapy, most of us have the misconception that we will only need a few sessions (6-12) and things will be fine. That may be all that some need, but I think the majority find that they need A LOT more help than they realized or would admit.

The 'surface' issue that brings you into therapy is minor compared to all that lies underneath. It is amazing how much emotional baggage we can store up and lock away! And then we expect years and years of baggage to be magically gone in a few months.

Boy, was I naive!

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

When we first go into therapy, most of us have the misconception that we will only need a few sessions (6-12) and things will be fine. That may be all that some need, but I think the majority find that they need A LOT more help than they realized or would admit.

The 'surface' issue that brings you into therapy is minor compared to all that lies underneath. It is amazing how much emotional baggage we can store up and lock away! And then we expect years and years of baggage to be magically gone in a few months.

Boy, was I naive!

Dear me, I thought I only needed a few weeks of counseling to get through an unpleasant existential crisis sort of depression thing, my dr. said it was likely just postpartum stuff. My T told me not so long ago that she at first wondered why I needed to be there, because at first glance I seemed to have it together.....on the surface, and even despite what was going on when I first saw her, I did because I was used to having the walls up so high and making things look ok; underneath I really did know there was an ongoing pattern of depressions, and hurts I hadn't paid attention to or dealt with. But she didn't tell me not to come back, either....even though she didn't see how much need there really was at first, and I am glad for that!
And now, the further we go, the more I see to work with and sometimes I think, oh my, how long will this take?! And there are still those walls around the deepest core issues.....so yes, it takes lots of time to deal with many years of emotional baggage and it takes lots of time to change deep old emotional patterns, too....lots of time to build trust to let the walls down and lots of time to let them down! So....while we have to be willing to try to open up and do the work, T's also have to be patient with the time the process will take....

[sunrise]

sherizel, I think your therapist sounds very lazy, like she only wants to work with "easy" clients (whatever that means). Most clients and therapists have to have a number of sessions together to build a relationship and trust before they can get to the hard work. I think this therapist is not worth returning to.

Welcome to PsychCentral, BTW.

[ECHOES]

Well, good grief, what a way to discourage openness and wall-tearing down
Demanding openness would never work.

I think feeling offended is a healthy response.

Not all therapists do depth work, so perhaps this isn't the therapist or the therapy for you, if that's what you are looking for.