[Chronic]

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want/need from a T, and trying to work out whether I have a T to best meet those needs. After 3 years with current T things are hitting a particularly sticky patch, and although I really hope we can get through this, for the first time since I have been seeing him I am considering looking for a new T.

So it got me thinking about what qualities this new T would need to have that my current T doesnt in order for me to trust and get better. This is what I have come up with so far:

To be able to respond in a way that I know I am understood. For T to understand where my feelings come from and to let me know that she knows (feedback?). Current T does not do that which makes me feel like he doesnt care or understand

To be able tolerate my neediness and attachment issues (current t does this)

To have experience with working with BPD

For it to be ok for me to call/email when I need to (T does)

For T to make suggestions about how to best help me and for T to appear actively involved in helping me to heal. I think current T gave up on that ages ago.

If I end up being admitted again forT to genuinely care whether I come out dead or alive. For T to check on me. And if I do come out for T to ask me how the experience was for me and not to brush it under the carpet and ignote it. (which is what current t did)

To take a more active part at the beginning of sessions to bridge between this session and last and not leave me frantickly trying to find something to say. (even though t does this to stop me from feeling he is taking control. I feel he has gone to other extreme and that he is leaving me on my own. We are discussing this now)

To have a sense of humour.

To be able to help me and want to pull me out of the s*** when i am struggling on my own

The most important one for me is to know that T truly cares (within the boundaries of therapy) and that he has my best interests at heart.

there are probably loads more, but that's what I have come up with so far.

What are the most important qualities you look for in a T or the qualities that your T has?

[sugahorse1]

Your list would probably be mine down to the last word. But finding someone to meet all those criteria - not easy.

My attachment and abandonment issues are the biggest for me. I need to know my T cares and is available (Mine's not THAT available, but I understand she has a career, a life and other patients too)
It took me a long time to be brave enough to ask her if she really cared, adnd once that was confirmed, it made me feel much better, but also made the attachment issues worse...
For me, I don't know if I could connect with a male T, so I needed to find a female T.
I also am not very good at being the first to talk, so I like the fact that my T is prepared to get the conversation started when she realises I need a kick start.
I am an arguementative person and like to analyse things too - I needed a T that was prepared to challenge my thinking, and make me look at things from different angles (She is not afraid to tell me what her personal view is on something) (She has a very much psychoanalytical approach to therapy)

Well, those are my 2 cents worth