[granite1]

ok one of the things that has been really causing huge problems for me right now is my farther .i havnt been able to say anything to my T about it exsept in the e-mail i sent her last week saying i hate my family and want to distruct my life.first i was told i am a hatefull person for not forcing my son to spend time with his horrable great grandmother who would do nothing but put him down.i will not sacerfice my son to her,but they decided it was more important to go to the casino instead of spend time saying goodbye to my son before he goes back to okinowa for two more years(they go to the casino twice a week but couldnt miss it once)but get mad at me because i wouldnt force my son to go over to their side of the houst to spend time with my stepmother.but never did she come over to see him andask him to go out to lunch or something.he is 19 they are the adults i thought but it is up to my 19 year old son to hold up the relation ship and if he doesnt it is because of my failed parenting skills in not teaching him respect.so last week i was a hatefull person.this week i honestly forgot my stepmothers birthday.so instead of my farther just walking over to my side of the house and let me know it was her birthday.instead he waited untill the next day and came over to my house and called me ungreatfull and hasnt talked to me sence.her wanted me to forget so he could be mad.and i know they are even more mad because i wont go over and subject myself to being ignored berated and told off.it really makes me feel terrable to be called hatefull and ungreatfull when it hhas always been me who is pulling all the weight of this family because the feel so intitled to do nothing.god i hate it and today i went outside to find my husband and ran into my farther and aked him whare my husband was and he just looked at me and walked bye without saying anything.i hate him and am feeling so bad but have to sit with it because i cant talk to my T about anythingi so dont want to care i know i am heading to SI over something so stupid but he is my farther and it hurts to be treated this whay bye him

[invisigirl]

it's NOT stupid. it does hurt.

i got crap from my family for not coming down to their place for Christmas. we have a family of 7 and nothing but an old beater car that seats 5 for transportation. add to that some big bills that my husband is working extra to make money to pay and we can't afford to rent a van to drive down for Christmas. and my parents kept asking if we were coming even after i told them the situation. then, a week before, my dad called to offer to help pay for the rental so we'd come and i had to tell him that since we had been unable to plan on it, we'd made other plans.

he told me that he understood and then went on to talk about how my mother is selfish because she didn't want to offer assistance, and that i'm selfish and need to 'get over my little issues and childhood reminiscences' (of sa) and appreciate the fact that i have a family who wants to be together.

ummmm. yeah.

the more i try to work through and process my 'little issues', the more split i feel i have to be. i feel like i have a secret life outside my family and that i have to put on this mask to even be able to be around them. and when i'm with them, it totally changes my perspective on everything - my past is again a happy childhood and nothing bad and i wonder what the big deal is and feel silly and selfish and stupid. then when i'm away from them and take a step back and look at things from the outside... it's a bit more ugly.

[Sannah]

I'm sorry granite. This does sound so stressful. He must think that you forgot on purpose?

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( granite )))))

I am so sorry. That is so hurtful, and it's so hard at times to see that it is 'their stuff' and not to take it personally. Please be kind to yourself and let them own what's theirs....

[SpiritRunner]

I'm sorry too, granite. It does sound hurtful and stressful.
Like mue said, try to let them own what's theirs......your father's anger and unkind attitude belong to him, not to you! Please be gentle and safe with yourself, and remember that we are here and care about you!