session in an hour....

I am unsure.....just that I felt self-conscious suddenly....and maybe it felt like her saying that was an interruption of a flow that had been coming without a lot of conscious thought somehow....or just that I had been talking about easier things, not thinking of the harder things, and then I was reminded. I don't know why....but it does happen. I hate being without words....

oh....please don't feel defeated about taking meds...it is a win!...you are providing for yourself, a ways and means of living a better life......it is courageous to work with the meds, not an act of defeat. You are stepping out, willing to do what it takes to help you live a full life.

Be patient. Sometimes it may take a while to find the right med and dose....just stay with it.

Good luck to you

Not wanting to cause a debate or anything, but I don't agree that it will necessarily go away by talking/working through your emotions. Some people have a genetic predisposition for having a chemical imbalance in the brain. I don't think that it means just because your mom has bipolar, you will develop it as well. I do believe that you have the possibility because of your genetic makeup. Whether or not that develops can be caused by some trigger that happens in your life.

Some people will need meds the rest of their lives to manage the chemical imbalance. Some won't. Everyone is individual when it comes to this. I hope that I am not taking meds forever, but given my family's history with bipolar and depression, I could be.

Again..........just discussing. Not looking to cause a tiff on here with anyone.

I understand what you are saying, squiggle.....I agree that talking/working through emotional patterns may not make it all go away, although I definitely believe that it has helped/will help me greatly. It's just that, like I put in my earlier posts, my feeling is that for me it is something deeper that will still be there even when the wounded emotional/thought patterns from my childhood have been healed/changed......a chemical thing, a wiring thing, if you will, that has been mine from birth and will be there always.....that I will always find myself dealing with deep despair/melancholy that is because it is, not just because my childhood was dysfunctional and brought it out intensely. I just feel like this is true for me....and not trying to put my truth on anyone else....
As you say, everyone is individual in these things.....the way the environmental/biochemical/genetic elements combine and affect each person will be different....and the way we each choose to view our mental/emotional conditions/experiences is different, too, I suppose.....

Oh and......speaking of meds......my app't today to talk to the dr. about what to take is coming right up. For some reason, my appetite stayed in bed, bleh......
I know I don't need to be afraid, yet I am.

good luck with the med eval P-girl, I really hope you like the doc and feel somewhat comfortable letting another caregiver into your life. The doc's don't require much from us, they usually just want to know symptoms and side effects...lol. The first appt is the most difficult, but it gets a lot easier after that.

Just a few things to keep in mind, the medication takes a while to start working, weeks even. And not all meds are equal...if one doesn't do it or causes side effects there are dozens more to try.

Chin up, your not giving in, your just putting on a little more armor.

I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree Squiggle. You all can tell me what happens down the road.

If a person is still on meds and they still have issues which can be worked through in therapy like boundaries or self worth or expressing feelings, then they haven't done enough work.

pgirl, it's okay to be scared. Many of us are nervous about many things and then we go and do them anyway and afterwards we are okay because we faced it.

I do follow you there, Sannah....I know that I have a lot of work to do in all of those things you mentioned....the meds won't do that work for me, I know that! But maybe I can do this work better when I'm not having to work so hard to to keep my emotions from being so unbalanced....to keep control...
I know, I know it'll be OK, I'll be OK because I faced it.....but knowing doesn't stop the nervous, sick feeling!

Yes, very good, if meds will help you do the work this is great.

Yeah, you still have to tolerate that nervous sick feeling until it is over......

Just a little update.....my dr. visit went well, really not as much to be afraid of as I thought, although I had to explain my odd thoughts/feelings, etc! At least my T had already talked a little to my dr. because I signed a release....so that did help. So, I have something to try now to see how it goes.....not supposed to have as many side effects, but I really feel fuzzy headed and just sort of strange today after taking it yest. afternoon.....
If I find someone to watch my little ones, I'll see my T this afternoon.....
Thanks everyone for your kind encouragement and support!

Maybe you're just nervous about the medicine. Give it some time to see if you have unpleasant side effects. I think you're brave to take meds. I never could, but ended up on other meds for cholesterol I hate anyway! I'm thinking of you!

Chiming in late here....and haven't read all the posts....but I wanted to say that when I first started meds, I too was scared and felt defeated, like I wasn't able to cope on my own. A disappointment. I realized, over time, though that this was only hurting me, and that the meds are helping me get past some of the physical aspects so that I can concentrate more on the emotional aspects. It's helping me do the work. My T wanted me off meds....pdoc increased the dosage. Go figure...My primary dr said that I will know if/when I am ready to go off the meds. And ONLY I will know. So, I'm trusting that. It fits for me. And right now is not the time for me. 8-)