[Chronic]

I guess this is agood thing and shows I am trusting T more and feel emotionally closer to him as well but I am too scared to ask. I do not want him to know I feel this way- I dont want him to laugh at me or to reject me or to make me feel bad for asking. I feel ashamed of myself for wanting him to be closer to me. I dont want to talk about why I want him to sit closer or why I find it so difficult to say this to him. I just want him to be there. How can I tell him this without telling him...actually I know I cant but suggestions/experiences appreciated!

[PTSDlovemycats]

If I were you I would try to bring it up somehow...maybe making some comment about the distance between the chairs and wondering what it would be like if they were closer?? I don't know just a thought. Good Luck!

[deliquesce]

could you pull your chair closer to him? i fiddle around with my chair everytime i go in - it's nearer or further depending on how i feel that day and my T doesnt mind.

[SpiritRunner]

It's OK to ask....T won't laugh or reject you or think it's stupid you asked. This will him know what you need! But if it is hard to ask, you can change where you sit, maybe sit closer to where he sits, if he has a chair where he usually sits and a chair closer to him than where you usually sit? My T has her chair, a couple of small couches and a smaller chair, so I can vary where I sit. She knows now that I do like her to sit closer, so she does come sit closer to me....but she still usually asks me, out of respect for my own personal space boundary!

[elliemay]

What if you said "You know you feel so far away from me sometimes" See what his response is.

[ladyjrnlist]

I agree totally with ellie. It's OK to ask for what you need. T is there for you, remember.

[Chronic]

Thanks for your ideas everyone... I'm not brave enough to come straight out with it and ask him, so I'll have a go at moving my chair towards his a bit. Or I could just sit on his lap I just hope he doesn't notice and want to talk about it! Deep down I know he wont laugh at me, but I just dont want to bring attention to it

[ECHOES]

I am lucky I guess, because my T moves closer at times. I never mentioned it until a few sessions ago. It was a particularly good session and I realized in the middle of it that her sitting closer felt good to me, so I just said I like it when you move you chair closer. She didn't want to know more, just heard that it feels good to me, and I think she saw that it was about trust and connection and that it might have helped me 'flow' easier in that session. She wants to know these things and thanks me when I tell her.

[Chronic]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I am lucky I guess, because my T moves closer at times. I never mentioned it until a few sessions ago. It was a particularly good session and I realized in the middle of it that her sitting closer felt good to me, so I just said I like it when you move you chair closer. She didn't want to know more, just heard that it feels good to me, and I think she saw that it was about trust and connection and that it might have helped me 'flow' easier in that session. She wants to know these things and thanks me when I tell her.

My T used to move closer but has stopped doing it now He has moved to a different location and the office is smaller so I don't know if that has something to do with it, but I wish he would still do it.

[ECHOES]

Ah, then the perfect way to bring it up
Tell him that you liked when he moved closer and now he doesn't, and that you would like it if he could still do that. Perhaps he did it to see if it felt good to you, and needs to hear that.

[sugahorse1]

I was fine about where we used to sit, but one day we had to move to another office for our session. T sat closer to me.

I sent her a mail during the week leading up my next session, and in it I told her how much nicer/safer it had felt in the smaller office with her closer to me.
Now she makes an effort to sit close to me, she even notices in the middle of the session if she's sitting too far away and moves closer.
It is not easy asking for what you want, but especially in therapy we find that T's are very understanding - we under-estimate them, and expect a certain response based on responses from other people

[googley]

I think your T would be fine with it if your brought it up. I had it going the other way once. My T had spent time the previous session leaning forward and it had really wigged me out because it felt like her body was like a finger and it was being shook at me. (I don't know if that makes any sense). I told her the next session that I was wigged out by it and since then she has always sat back in her chair to give me my space. I think Ts are really aware of space and how much different clients need. Part of how we communicate is how much space is between us. I think your T would be open to hearing your needs about space and helping you get those needs met.