[SpiritRunner]

So....I have session in an hour, well, less now! Weather is freezing and not so nice, but OK to go out in....
Today we will talk about the couples' session we had last Wed., about the date night my H and I had Friday (our 1st night in many years without any kids around at all!!), and.....and this is what I am nervous about.....taking meds. Because I am going to tell her I will......and for me, this is like some sort of surrender; in my mind, I feel like a boxer who is in a corner, and I'm laying my gloves down, no sense in continuing this fight, time to concede. I'm having trouble not thinking of it as a defeat....I've stayed in the fight many years without the help of meds, and to admit I no longer can do that is hard, so hard!

[sugahorse1]

Poet - there is nothing to be afraid of. Sounds like you've had a great time since your last session, and you'll be proud to tell youor T about these things.

Taking meds is not a surrender. I know for some people it is difficult to start, but realise it is kind of a priviledge - we have a life-line to make our lives easier/more fulfilling/happier - we just need to reach out to take it.

You are not going to committ to taking meds for ever. Start by giving them a chance. It is brave of you to have made this decision, and I'm assuming it was encouraged by your T - she'll be super proud of you. And we'll support you, regardless of what you do.
But just know - There is no shame in taking meds

[Elana05]

poetgirl,

Thinking of you. I hope today's session offers a little bit of understanding and light. Be gentle with you... it is hard work.

[rainbow8]

I'll be thinking of you, Poetgirl! I hope your session goes well! I'm glad you had a date night with your H! I understand about meds because I've never taken them either. I have often wondered if I would feel better if I had, like maybe I don't even know what feeling normal is like! So I admire you for trying meds. Like others have told me, you can try and if they don't work or you don't like the side effects, you can stop.

[granite1]

poet it is ok to take the meds and it absouitly doesnot make you a failure at anything it makes you someone who is willing to do what it takes to help yourself.and i find that quite amazing you know.good luck today

[WePow]

Poet - thinking of you now !!!!!

[Sannah]

[sittingatwatersedge]

(((((((((((((((( Poetgirl ))))))))))))))))) you are really committed to your healing, that is so admirable.

[Sweetlove]

Poetgirl...that is really exciting that you had a date with your H...hope it was great!

Hope your session goes well...I thought I was "surrendering" the first time I started taking meds too, but I realized I just didn't care anymore...I just wanted to feel better and do whatever it took. Take care of yourself...thinking of you

[SpiritRunner]

Thank you all so much! I appreciate the replies and the support and encouragement greatly.
I am deeply committed to my healing - I have put too much into it, and have too much at stake (especially with my 4 kids and a good H...), to not be. I guess I didn't understand, though I thought I did, just how much hurt would be in the healing....
My T called and made the app't for me to talk to the dr. Wed afternoon about what I should take......and then I will see her again Thurs. afternoon.
I told her after she had done that, that I really felt like I was going to throw up.....just a nasty feeling of swirling nausea. Ugh. But as scared and nervous as I feel about it, I understand that I really am sick right now and do need the help and I'm utterly weary of fighting the battle on my strength.....

Originally Posted by poetgirl76

I guess I didn't understand, though I thought I did, just how much hurt would be in the healing....

[WePow]

((((((((poet)))))))) inner and outer sickness hurts so much. You don't have to do it alone. Big hugs to you!

[Sannah]

pgirl, do you think that you are losing the fight because you are going to be taking meds? I don't see that at all. You are up for a big fight to finally tackle all of this stuff and get better and you just need some help to make it easier. It is like using those boxing gloves instead of your bare hands. You are going to be using tools so that you can tackle this a little easier.

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by Sannah

pgirl, do you think that you are losing the fight because you are going to be taking meds? I don't see that at all. You are up for a big fight to finally tackle all of this stuff and get better and you just need some help to make it easier. It is like using those boxing gloves instead of your bare hands. You are going to be using tools so that you can tackle this a little easier.

I think I have felt like this is a battle I lost, yes....but I think really the real battle has been to just be willing to accept that it's OK to think of the meds as a tool that I need to fight the war better. Maybe I should be thinking I just won one battle, an important battle that will help me win the war, so to speak......??!

Originally Posted by poetgirl76

I think the real battle has been to just be willing to accept that it's OK to think of the meds as a tool that I need to fight the war better. Maybe I should be thinking I just won one battle, an important battle that will help me win the war, so to speak......??!

YES! You just won a battle that you have been fighting for ?? long!! I see this as a victory. Happy Dance to you!!



A chemical imbalance in the brain will not be cured by talk therapy. It is not easy to admit that we may need meds to help us. I fought it forever, and I still do. I finally got to the point that I just wanted to get better. If meds will help me, then meds I will take.

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

YES! You just won a battle that you have been fighting for ?? long!! I see this as a victory. Happy Dance to you!!



A chemical imbalance in the brain will not be cured by talk therapy. It is not easy to admit that we may need meds to help us. I fought it forever, and I still do. I finally got to the point that I just wanted to get better. If meds will help me, then meds I will take.

thank you! I know that probably I will have to work on keeping the willingness....I like to be self-sufficient (even when I'm really falling apart on the inside.....so stinkin' stubborn!) so I'm sure I will have to remind myself it's OK to need the meds to help me be stronger....

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

A chemical imbalance in the brain will not be cured by talk therapy.

I actually disagree. I think that the chemical imbalance is caused by our dysfunctional behavior. When we have dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors and we aren't dealing with our feelings this doesn't allow our bodies to work as they are supposed to. Once you get your mind and feelings functioning the chemical imbalance will go away. Taking meds while you are working on this helps, though.

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by Sannah

I actually disagree. I think that the chemical imbalance is caused by our dysfunctional behavior. When we have dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors and we aren't dealing with our feelings this doesn't allow our bodies to work as they are supposed to. Once you get your mind and feelings functioning the chemical imbalance will go away. Taking meds while you are working on this helps, though.

I think it's not a clear-cut black and white thing......
I was talking to a dear friend the other day about taking meds and she said, do you think that if your dad had taken meds when you were growing up that things would have been different in your house and that you would be different now.....no other answer but yes! So, sure I do see how much the dysfunctional environment bred dysfunctional emotions/thinking patterns in me which led to dysfunctional actions/reactions in my everyday living since.....but I also think that there is an undeniable genetic, biochemical element. I'm not yet so convinced that once I have talked everything through I won't still have something in there that is as it is.....an actual mental illness, a real depressive tendency, with a being of its own beyond the environment or thought patterns or whatnot that did exacerbate the severity of it, certainly. I think it will be with me always....just that once I have healed the old patterns I will have much more power to deal with it.....I am just going to let what is now be what it is and see what happens along the therapy journey! If depression were to go away and never come see me again and let me live in peace.....well, I would consider that miraculous.....

[granite1]

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by poetgirl76

do you think that if your dad had taken meds when you were growing up that things would have been different in your house and that you would be different now.....no other answer but yes! ....

It would have been even better if he had gone to therapy and fixed the things that were broken!

I have come to this conclusion because I see everyone with mental health issues as having to work on any of the following: personal boundaries, self worth, meeting their needs, living in the present, empowerment and gaining control over your life, expressing feelings, releasing past feelings, working on intimacy, etc.... As a person works on each of these issues mental health improves. Having any of these in dysfunction throws a wrench into daily functioning.

We'll have to see with you though, huh!

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by Sannah

It would have been even better if he had gone to therapy and fixed the things that were broken!

I have come to this conclusion because I see everyone with mental health issues as having to work on any of the following: personal boundaries, self worth, meeting their needs, living in the present, empowerment and gaining control over your life, expressing feelings, releasing past feelings, working on intimacy, etc.... As a person works on each of these issues mental health improves. Having any of these in dysfunction throws a wrench into daily functioning.

We'll have to see with you though, huh! I guess we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?

I think if my dad had had therapy help, if my parents had both had more/better therapy help with my brother's mental/emotional issues, that would surely have helped me and my brother a lot more too! Then we might not have painful childhood memories and wounds....I sure see that..... And I wouldn't have kept getting into situations where I got myself into more hurt and more painful experiences later, perhaps.....
I certainly believe I can grow, change and heal and overcome and I want to function in more healthy emotional ways....it's just that a deep, deep part of me feels as though there is some wiring somewhere that is always going to be wired as it is because it always has been, or a brokenness that is just who I am....I'm sorry to sound so depressing, I don't really feel as completely hopeless as that and I don't want to cause anyone else to feel hopeless because of the way I perceive my own condition, please!

[granite1]

i totally understand that feeling of brokeness.and that kind of acceptance that it will always be tharei sorry how did your session go

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by granite1

i totally understand that feeling of brokeness.and that kind of acceptance that it will always be tharei sorry how did your session go

thank you, granite, for understanding!
my session Monday overall went pretty well, really. It was sort of disconcerting to feel like talking freely the first part of it and then when she made a pleased comment about how I was really sharing well, I had sort of a shut-down feeling... Like I felt a mental freeze....and the words came less freely after that. But then it was time for her to read my journaling, which was OK because I could be quiet ....and then we talked about the medication stuff and she called to make me an app't for medication evaluation.....that app't is tomorrow aft. and I'm not exactly looking forward to it. But it is what it is! And I see T again Thursday afternoon......

sometimes people need to take meds. like me for example, i have a seizure disorder and need to take meds or i cannot drive...

having to take meds for depression is something i fought for years, but the difference it makes between not taking them and taking them in my situation is either i stay out of the hospital or i go to the hospital and never get out.... kinda like hotel california.... i prefer hotel freedom

sending safe hugs

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by poetgirl76

a deep, deep part of me feels as though there is some wiring somewhere that is always going to be wired as it is because it always has been, or a brokenness that is just who I am....

I see..... well I'm still going to be hopeful that you can have a huge recovery if you keep working. And you know after you do the deep work your life improves so much that it is okay while you do the smaller stuff. This was my experience......

Originally Posted by poetgirl76

when she made a pleased comment about how I was really sharing well, I had sort of a shut-down feeling... Like I felt a mental freeze....and the words came less freely after that.

Wonder what happened with you with this?