[Omers]

If T could only know how simple my complex mind can be.

I want to ask her to go slower... when I do she says I am putting it (it???) on her. I just don't process emotions fast... I need lots of quiet space and her words keep filling it up and then I can't hear her.
I want to ask T "what is therapy"... but she asks what does it mean for me.
I want to tell her, quietly, softly, that I'm scared... I am trusting her more and more and scared s*less.
I wish she could see past my high IQ to my developmental delays... but it is on the high IQ that we connect.
I asked if she would read my posts, she said no. My posts aren't about "us" they are about my perceptions of "us". My posts are somehow not real.
I don't want to be in a therapeutic vacuum!
Grrr!

H*, If I could just bring the emoticons with me! but no... "they aren't me".

[learning1]

I don't know you well enough to understand very well from what you wrote, I think. But she sure sounds uncooperative. I'm sure not used to t's saying they don't want to read what clients write.

I dunno- I had one t who wanted to go at a fast pace I think partly 'cuz it's his personality to be outgoing but also because he wanted to push me to experience emotions during the session, not to stop and think and process.

Well, I don't have any idea what your issues are so that might be (probably is) totally irrelevant to you.

Do you want to explain how your developmental delays affect you so that we can understand what you mean more? (maybe others on the forum know u & can help more.)

[with or without you]

^ I believe Omers has said in the past that her T is somewhat of an "ice queen". is that correct, O?

[Gently1]

Omers


Your description sounds like you are in a more advanced or different therapy then I am. Maybe advanced is not the right word,...

Here is my recent experience:

I often relate a great therapist to a great riding coach. It is the T's responsiblity to teach to the level of the student, to avoid the student from turning themselves into tense, stiff, ineffective and frustrated person.
Learning is best done coming from a place of relaxation and comfort, not to say what is learned does not challenge and stress mind and body.

I often have to ask the T to 'wait' for me, so I can 'hear' or 'feel' what is said. Might be a pause might be 5 minutes with me asking questions to clarify.

I am going fast with anything less than over night for me to make a connection with my feelings, thoughts or new information.

T has been nothing but supportive, and will even let me know when "I" need to stop- breath- pace before carrying on.
T is then silent and attentively waiting even if I was the one that asked for some quiet time.

this has been very helpful, as pushing through is until dropping brought me here in the first place

The T works with ongoing consent, defining the goals and the methods he will use, so I can consent to the work. Now I know he can not take the time to explain all the 'tools' he is using but he will answer my questions until I am satisfied.
Especially as he is my 'exposure' therapy, I am bring distrust of men and fears/anxiety into the sessions.

[Yoda]

Wow your T wouldn't like me much I think. When my PTSD was severe I met with my T once per week and for a very long time I kept saying, "I know we talked about this last week but I can't remember what you said, can we talk about it again?" Over time I got better but for a solid year my brain was about as useful as Jello pudding.

Since she won't read your posts can you summarize them and bring them in written form to read to her? Maybe like bullet points or something? Or Powerpoint LOL

[Omers]

yes, my T is an ice queen... and usually that is OK, even good for me (comforting)... just not right now. And I'm not fragile just sad and frustraited by my disability.

And it isn't all her... I have both a very low and very high IQ so I cover well but on emotions and other gray things like that I am at the level of a young child. Even the woman doing the eval had never seen scores that dramatically different in one person (for those into numbers they went from the 17th percentile to the 99th percentile depending on the task in the IQ test).. Dunno... may be the DID too.

T will just stop dead, close her eyes and wait for me to let her know we can keep going. She just doesn't get that I need her to talk slow some times and not change thoughts so fast. I guess the best way to explain it is that because of the autism English is like a second language for me. If we are talking about something I understand I can translate pretty close to normal. If it is something new or something that isn't tangible, like emotions, I translate really slow. some times it can take a couple weeks before what she has said "clicks".
My PTSD is I guess "in remission". But... T doesn't know my history other than that it is there (it was briefly mentioned in my psych eval that she did skim). She doesn't want to talk about it unless she thinks it is impacting my day to day life.

The other thing she doesn't get is how very very badly I have been hurt by other T's. She says it was just as much me as it was them... but she never listened to my side of the story. But she goes back to the "I am trying to bring a 3rd person in" thing.

She is a systems theory therapist and there is something important about keeping it just the 2 of us and not letting me "bring in" a third... be it a friend or the forum. I don't understand what qualifies as a 3rd despite her trying to explain.

My T is VERY different than what everyone talks about on here. That is part of why I want her to explain what therapy is to me... but nope.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Wow, I am sorry she is so harsh Omers. I don't really know what to say other than I hope things improve and that she can have more patience with you.

[Sannah]

If you have issues with understanding emotions wouldn't a warm therapist be better for you then an ice queen?

[WikidPissah]

I can kind of relate....to somethings. I have had a couple really bad (actually crazy) T's. The last one still stings, and I want to bring it up with new T but...well anyways.

I also can relate to the IQ, I don't have a learning disability, and my IQ is very high...but emotionally, and reactively I am like a kindergartner. I don't read people well at all, can't tell one emotion from another. I can put a complex ledger together in about 15 min. though. Strange.

Point..I believe I have one....you need to feel valued, accepted, listened to and cared for. Someone who will lead you, but also push you to lead a bit. Perhaps the Ice Princess served you well for a season, but possibly that season is changing?

[sittingatwatersedge]

This sure doesn't sound like whining to me. It sounds like a list of things that are worthy of discussion between the two of you, maybe even taking some time, until both of you reach understanding!

speaking of that, Learning wrote >> I had one t who wanted to go at a fast pace I think partly 'cuz it's his personality to be outgoing but also because he wanted to push me to experience emotions during the session, not to stop and think and process.

Two good points, and maybe you could add these to the discussion just in case that's where yr T is coming from. If so you could address each of them in terms of what YOU can handle, what benefits YOU.

It's your therapy!!

[Omers]

Got my fingers crossed that maybe she will be more open than I expect tomorrow. we will see. She is a good T in a great many ways and has and continues to help (mostly with interpersonal stuff with others). I called it whining because I am wanting something that I knew from the beginning would be difficult if not impossible for her to give.
As for having a warm fuzzy T I do have that in massage T. She will even go out in public with me to show me real life interactions. She also has very appropriately shared her emotions with me when something has come up and I am strong enough. When I was taken advantage of by a friend several months ago I told her without emotion. She shared her sadness, her rage and her hurt for me before asking me to be raw and open with her. It is really incredible how much trust can be earned by being vulnerable with your client. The two healers that have done the most for me have both been willing to take risks as big as the risks I was taking and be as vulnerable with me as they wanted me to be with them.
And it's all massage T's fault anyway! If she hadn't opened me up to a whole new level and meaning of trust I wouldn't want to be more open and vulnerable with T. So yeah, it's massage T's fault
I did get to see Massage T today and that helped. I got to get some of the raw, vulnerable, real me time that I needed.It will take some (not all) of the pressure of of T tomorrow.

[Gently1]

Hi Omers,

You are so right, like other relationships, our T can't be all things to us all the time.

As I am a massage therapist and was part of a group of massage T's in a mentor setting - I have been taught to hug. It took about 3 years. A massage therapist that does not like to be touched- unless it was massage.

I know that as massage therapists we touch other peoples lives, and I miss my connections with my clients as they touched mine as well.

I often forget how much of the mental strain of T affects my body. I would be wise to book a massage after T to avoid the big tension headache I usually have the next day. A massage the day before would also go a long way.

systems theory therapist: I will look that up thanks for the info, my T uses many techniques- I think he mention CBT and values based T.

Omers you have an amazing way of showing how unique and special you are; and sharing with us at PC. I can relate to having a range of skills, and I have a very hard time with emotions, that's why I find my T effective because he will point out when I am 'having' an emotion so I can notice. And when I regulate my emotions, so I can learn to recognise that I am able to take care of emotions myself.

I am still looking forward to the time when I can call on you about training therapy cats.
My avatar does have a way of settling me down, when I am getting anxious.
all the best with your T tomorrow.
Gently1

[Omers]

I started seeing a massage therapist because I was touch phobic. Poor woman! I knew her from the community and she didn't know my history. I got to the first session and blurted everything out when she asked why I was there. She recovered well though. I see massage T once a week and regular T once or twice a month. Massage T has extensive training as a regular T too. If you hadn't caught on she kinda walks on water in my world She cradles my little ones, hugs me and does that firm "I don't care if I'm embarrassing you I am going to care about your anyway" with my teen parts. Being a massage T she has a lot more freedom to be real with me in ways regular T's can be.
My T cat is so much fun... he is currently serving as foot warmer. He still doesn't get why the human sits in the big water bowl but other than that the human is pretty cool. I love watching his purrrrsonality develop.
Massage, especially with my current massage T, is so totally life changing. She is bringing healing in ways that traditional therapy thinks are not possible.

[learning1]

Thanks for sharing about your experience Omers.

Therapy is so hard.

How much of the things you wrote on this thread have you been able to say to your therapist?

Explaining things in a way the therapist will understand is always tricky too. I think I tend to take the things my therapist says too seriously sometimes, when he only means what he says as a tentative suggestion. Then the next time I bring it up in a slightly different way, he seems to be making the opposite suggestion. lol. I think he needs more time to get to know me. And I think we have to be patient and keep trying with T's when they don't communicate in a way that makes sense to us. Maybe.

I'm curious about the thing about bringing a third into therapy. I never heard of that.

My previous therapist who wanted me to experience emotions during the session was a systems theory therapist, the same as yours. But it was couples therapy I was in, so the thing about bringing in a third wouldn't have been relevant.

[Gus1234U]

i agree, you are paying someone to treat you Personally, not some Average YOU ,,, so i believe you have a right to an individualized treatment Plan,, and if your therapist won't help you develop one, i will, or there are specialists who do that.... it's your RIGHT under the LAW,, (the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990)... best wishes,, Omers

[Omers]

Well, for those who suggested getting a warm fuzzy T I got one today (at least as warm fuzzy as I could handle). Looked just like my usual T... just all warm fuzzy. I was too confused to do a darn thing. A lot of (appropriate) self disclosure that completely went against some of my "theory of T". She was happy to be with me and proud of what I had accomplished since our last session. Yup... still confused. have a month until I get another chance... perhaps a voicemail between now and then.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Omers

and there is something important about keeping it just the 2 of us and not letting me "bring in" a third... be it a friend or the forum. I don't understand what qualifies as a 3rd despite her trying to explain.

Omers,

I'm so sorry to hear this has been so hard. I am sending supportive thoughts your way.
I find this so confusing. In psychodynamic psychotherapy it seems to be almost the opposite. It is about taking the realtionships in one's life to therapy to be talked about in detail. Amazing these types could be so different. Though I would not describe my T as soft either. She is very to the point and often tough.

[Gus1234U]

i still hope you spend the time to develop a treatment plan, of some kind, ,and hope this new person will be more sensitive to your challenges and strengths~! best wishes,, Gus

Hello, Omers. My suggestion is to print your post for your therapist. I also think it would be useful to ask for a treatment plan. You and your therapist might incorporate your questions into the plan. There are many types of therapy. The plan could state the treatment modality the therapist and you agree on with a brief description of the emphasis of the particular modality. The plan may state what your role is in therapy well as the role of your therapist. The plan may state what the goal of the therapy is -- why you are in therapy and what you want to gain from it. The plan may state the micro goals you hope to attain to reach the macro goal. The plan may also state how often the plan will be updated, with the understanding the plan may be revisited at any time if you do not think the therapy is working as intended.

Therapy is a joint venture. Both the client and therapist must do there part to achieve a good result. Your therapist must acknowledge your role in the treatment process. She seems to have forgotten she is working for you -- she is supposed to be there to help you -- not plow ahead with an agenda you did not have a part in formulating.

These articles may be of some use. Good luck.

http://psychcentral.com/psychotherapy/
http://www.wellsphere.com/mental-hea...therapy/782440
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...ut-in-therapy/
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...lk-in-therapy/
http://discussingdissociation.wordpr...client-part-1/
http://discussingdissociation.wordpr...lients-part-2/
http://discussingdissociation.wordpr...tic-community/

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Omers

Well, for those who suggested getting a warm fuzzy T I got one today

(at least as warm fuzzy as I could handle).

I was too confused to do a darn thing.

Maybe she is giving you what you need? Maybe at first she realized that you couldn't handle a warm, fuzzy T so she chose not to overwhelm you, and now she is sensing that maybe you can handle it better??