meeting friend today

I'm sorry I've been gone. We were on vacation, got home last night, and now I'm SICK The vacation was an awesome break from life, though. I loved just being with H and my boys with no worries.

I am meeting my "friend" I posted about in another thread this morning to talk about things. I don't know why she is angry at me, or what is going on. We were going to meet for coffee, and she told me she would like to sit in the car instead of in the restaurant because her "emotions are so big". I am scared.

I so so so so so so wish I could check in with T before this, but he's hard to reach on the weekend, and I got home late last night and now I am meeting her in 90 minutes. I guess I am going to try to just model what T does and try to listen to her with openness. I am going to remind myself that she is not my mom, that I am an adult, and that I am entitled to my own feelings and opinions and actions. I will own what is mine, but not what isn't mine.

I am literally shaking. This bumps up against SO MANY of my issues. Being in "trouble", trust, everything. I hope I can stay present.

Since I'm sick I took a sudafed and some tylenol, but I think I will take a klonopin too. I just want to stay present and get through this.

Wow. I would give just about anything to connect with T right now.

good luck tree i hope you both are able to work things out.it is hard to loose a close friend like this.i hope her reason for wanting to get together is to work things out.be thinking of you today let us know how it went

((((tree)))) thinking of you and wishing you calm and grace in dealing with this person........remember to own what is yours, and let her own what is yours, as you mentioned in your post! her emotions and her reasons for them are hers, not yours. I hope things will work out well for each of you in this. and if not......I hope you will be able to let go of it and of her and her 'friendship' if it is only going to be toxic......

I am so glad you are going to talk and try to work it out. Keep us posted.

Treehouse - I can so relate to what you're saying. I have a 'friend' also who can wound my most vulnerable places. But it looks like you've learning skills on how to better handle the triggers. One of my strongest reactions is also 'getting into trouble'. I wish you luck and please let us know how it went.

Tree, I have been in this place too many times with friends who are upset with me, and I have no idea why. The panic that comes over me before we meet is almost unbearable. Luckily, those meetings have all gone well, I state my case and we usually both accept some responsiblilty and go back to being friends.

It sounds like your friend is quite difficult though, so I hope you are able to stand your ground and defend what is yours. Remember that anyone who makes you feel worse about yourself and tears down what you have worked so hard to build, is not a true friend...they are just simply not worth it.

Good luck...I sincerely hope it goes well

Sending good thoughts your way NOW!!

Hi all...

Too exhausted and sick for much of an update, but it went well. I worked hard before I went to remember the skills I can use to stay present, to separate the past from now, to listen to the feelings under her words.

I was a nervous wreck, but in the end, it was truly all a misunderstanding. She had assumed something about me from something another friend said, and the thing she assumed was completely false. I told her I wished she would have come to me sooner, and she said she was protecting me, because when she is angry, she's not nice, and she knew that would be too hard for me, so she was letting herself cool down first.

Relationships are hard. And I'm tired. But better.

Tomorrow I see T.

Awesome that new skills can be so helpful. I can hardly wait until I have new skills too.

Thanks for updating, Tree....That's great that you applied your skills and faced what was incredibly hard...and that it turned out well for you and your friend. I hope you decided to get some much needed rest today. Missed you! ((( HUGS )))

thanks for the update.....and glad you had communication to clear up the misunderstanding. it stinks how this stuff happens! relationships are hard! give yourself the rest you need.

I'm so glad that is behind you Tree ! The key to your success today was your depending on and using the skills that you have learned.

Good Job Tree! You did awesome. I'm glad the two of you were able to straighten it out.

good for you, tree. That's an intimidating situation, to say the least.

I'm still not thrilled about this friend of yours, to be honest. I can't imagine getting so angry with someone based on gossip....if I heard something negative about a good friend, I would go straight to the source. But that's just me.

Don't mean to be harsh, I just feel a bit protective for you and HATE that you were put through that pain for nothing.

Soooo happy it went well. I had a feeling it was a misunderstanding, but I still don't like how she ignored you and then the way she talked to you. You should be proud of yourself for the way you handled everything...good job

Glad it went well. Great to have you back Tree!