[openhand]

Therapeutic relationships have many boundaries but what does it mean to the therapeutic relationship when the patient imposes his or her own set of boundaries on the T and tells her that he or she wants her to be less friendly and emotional than she normally is?

Is it time to find another T or is it a matter of giving the T a chance to adjust?

[with or without you]

I think it's really healthy to tell your T if something they're doing, or how they're carrying themselves, is bothering you and making you uncomfortable. I don't see a problem with this at all.

Is this really boundary setting, or is this avoidance?

[Melbadaze]

I'd say perhaps one was raised in a strict disaplined way and is trying to recreate that famaliar enviroment, want to gain control over The feeling of powerlessness that having to trust that the boundaries in place are not harmful or ,ay become harmful?

[Fartraveler]

I think I did what you're talking about.

Even though I am so attached to my T, I also was very afraid (and I do tend toward avoidance.) Initially, I would call her up a lot and leave very emotional voice mails, but then get really upset if she called me back. I told her she couldn't call me back unless I specifically asked her to. This was somewhat disturbing to her, because I have kind of a history of SI and SUI. So we argued about that for a while. But eventually I promised that if I was really in danger I would let her know, and I would talk to her. But otherwise it would be OK for me to just talk to her answering machine.

Of course that was years ago. But basically, as long as she could trust I was safe, she was OK with giving me the space that I needed.

[Verbascum]

I have told my T several times that I thought she crossed my boundaries. She doesn't have the right, just because she is a T, to ask intimate questions that are totally out of topic. She accepted that and does her best. But it's hard for her, she really is a curious kind of person.
So I asked for stricter boundaries the other way around. She has no problems with keeping strict boundaries for herself, though

[sunrise]

I'm not sure of the answer to your question, openhand, but it's an interesting one. I'm curious if you have told your therapist that? How did she react?

I think both client and therapist have boundaries in the relationship. That is how all relationships are. If the client has no boundaries, the T can help them learn how to establish them. If the client's boundaries seem excessive to the T, I think this is a good area for discussion. If the client does this with their other relationships, it could be a problem for them, such as making it difficult to make friends. So, great topic for discussion.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I think that one of the most important aspects of therapy (for me anyway) is for the client to feel safe. If that means the client has to ask the T for more strict boundaries to start with, then that's what needs to happen. These may be boundaries that can be worked on and lessened as a part of therapy, but they may need to exist to start with.

I have a huge personal space bubble, and I really dislike being touched by others. I told my T that right up front, and she's been fine with it. She's been careful to give me more space than usual...letting me walk down a hallway a step ahead or behind if the hallway isn't wide enough for my comfort on that day.

I also have strict personal boundaries on contacting my T. I dislike having to contact her regardless of how much help I need. She's been working with me on lessening those boundaries so that I can ask for help when I actually need it.

---Rhi

[Sweetlove]

I think as long as you aren't setting boundries trying to avoid a relationship, then it's ok to state YOUR rules. This is about you and your well-being and as long as you are aware of the reasons you want strict boundries and they are healthy...then you have the right to ask for them. BUT either way, I think you should discuss this with your T.

Good luck

I think it depends on what it is you're asking to change...

I have sometimes asked my T to, for example, be less self-disclosing in some specific way. I found that when she was telling me what time we would be saying goodbye that day, she would often tell me her evening plans ('because I'm going to the cinema') and it made me feel even worse about my life. So I asked her to stop a specific behaviour, which wasn't central to the therapy but was just my T choosing to disclose out of a desire to be 'genuine', and explained why.

It seems like you are suggesting asking T to change something very broad ('be less friendly and emotional') and something which is probably quite intrinsic in T's personality. Not to mention that your T is probably this way in order to be therapeutic. So your T might respond by: telling you it wouldn't be helpful to you to emotionally withdraw at your request; or saying that she can't pretend to be other than she is because it wouldn't be genuine or real; or asking you to be more specific about how you'd like her to change; or suggest that it would be more helpful to you to learn to deal with her being friendly and emotional...? This doesn't mean you shouldn't ask for what it is you think you need though. Just my thoughts- hope they make sense.