[jazzy123456]

Hey. So, I am sitting in the computer lab at my school. Didn't sleep at all last night. up the entire 24 hours, i think. and i know what i need to do, i need to contact a school counselor probably... to work through the transition from home to college, not only because that is usually an interesting time for young adults but, because I came right out of a depression into school...a deep depression, where I was actually seeing 2 counselors and had to drop a class and eventually stayed out of school a semester. I'm nowhere near where I was... I have what I would like to call, random spurts of depression, where I will sleep untill 5 or 6 in the afternoon, granted, some times, i think half of it is laziness and the other half of the time, i think i am overcomed with anxiety and dont know any other way to deal with it. However, I am much, much better and much more focus-driven, future-goal-oriented because I know doing the hard work in school, is better then failing out and having to owe money without earning a degree. i'm just using my head a little more but, i still have random spurts of depression and i still have this feeling that since i came from such a "dark or heavy emotional state at first, i need extra care so i don't slowly revert back to bad feelings. idk though.?

I broke a rule that I hadn't broken in 2 months. I emailed my T. She told me to stop doing it about 2 months ago but, not directly...subtly. and i did. i could be mad at myself for emailing her but, i'm kind of okay... I know I am lightyears from where I was and while transitioning to school for these two months I managed to never email her... before this transition, i would stare at my computer for hours, and email her once or twice a week...
yeah, i'll probably only feel bad if she gets mad...about it but, if I could NOT email for about 2 months, and not care all together and yesterday, i make a little mistake and email for the first time, then "shoot meee" lol.

I emailed her because I had a terrible dream that triggered me, I was beat by this guy I used to know, I was left with bruises all over my body. Actually, I didn't really care at first, about the dream but, then I started to think about it and realized along with not being able to sleep and sleeping too much, I WAS BEAT BY A GUY IN A DREAM! this is probably a sign that i need help and am struggling...
i don't usually get upset over negative dreams but, this dream seemed more then negative, it seemed cruel.......as i am dealing with an old friend right now, who for some reason I cannot convince myself that he is NOT abusive...I mean I am actually trying to convince myself that hes not but, its been messing with my head so often and its wierd dropping him as a friend, when he hangs in my inner circle...anywho, that dream...along with the anxiety...along with being up alll night...contributed to my need to email and I know I NEED more support..wish I didn't but, I do. just too nervous to go to the school counselor/

don't know what to do for the most part.
i'm holding myself together well and have been,
for the last 2 months...but, i don't want to reach my limit
and melt down, when i have important things coming up on my plate,
like student teaching in an education class and an exam that is a good percentage of my final grade ... i'm just scared i'll push myself too
hard to deal, when I should ask for help.....? especially, cuz i kinda wanna be proactive, you know...ask for help before i reach that melt down point, NOT after,...after is what will cause more problems...

what to do? what to do?

Jazzy

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

what to do? what to do?

Find a new therapist who can help while you are at school. Most colleges offer low cost counseling to students. Some have more than one place to get counseling. Like there might be a both counseling center, a student health center with psych services, and a clinic for psychotherapy (often aligned with a grad program in psychology). Student Services may be able to help you identify the resources available at your college. If you aren't sure, a first stop can be the student health center, and then they can refer you. Good luck, jazzy.

[jazzy123456]

u know that sounds like a good idea, therapy for the first time was just one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life....and I didn't know it would turn out to be..so I'm actually more worried and skeptical to start again with someone new. Even so, my old therapist, i still see her on an "as needed" basis.. not consistently and maybe thats why i would need a school counselor too.

[BlessedRhiannon]

One of my biggest regrets about college is that I didn't get help when I needed it, and let my issues get so much worse. The resources are there, if you can bring yourself to use them. If you are hesitant to go to Student Services on your own, and feel comfortable asking, have a friend go with you. Or, if you live in a dorm, ask your Resident Assistant or Hall Director to go with you. Many years ago, I was a Resident Assistant in a dorm...I would have happily gone with any of my residents, no questions asked. Couldn't go on my own, or ask for help myself...but supporting another...absolutely.

---Rhi

[Sannah]

Get a therapist at school..............

[Sweetlove]

My school offers free counseling to any student...and it is REAL therapy...not just like a guidance counselors office where you sit for 20 min and talk about your day. I've met with one of the counselors a few times and he has his PhD and very knowledgeable. The sessions are an hour long...just like therapy and he takes notes, gives feedback...it is actual therapy. I think every college and university has this...please check into it. It is completely free and very convienient!

Please think about it

[SpiritRunner]

yes, I agree with the others.....schools have counseling services for students that can be really helpful, and I think it would be good for you to have that help now, too.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

u know that sounds like a good idea, therapy for the first time was just one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life....and I didn't know it would turn out to be..so I'm actually more worried and skeptical to start again with someone new. Even so, my old therapist, i still see her on an "as needed" basis.. not consistently and maybe thats why i would need a school counselor too.

HI jazzy,

I think it gets a little easier the second time around. I hope you'll keep going. The more the better in my case anyway. lol. You deserve it. It's a necessity, not an indulgence. Be gentle with yourself, you are important.
That was awesome and wise that you thought, "Hey, I need some extra support here." Very brave. Self-care is not always easy, but so important.
Good for you!