How do you know? (possible trigger re: infidelity)

mixedup_emotions · Feb 17, 2011, 08:00 AM

So, I see T today. *sigh*

I am trying to build up the courage to address what I need to address...and to figure out what I'm feeling, etc. It's so hard to do because it's like a tornado, with so many different feelings occurring at the same time. Blech.

Anyway....obviously I was triggered in group in a number of ways. And the thing that stood out to me at the time was how yucky I felt about the newbies talking about sexual issues, and how I felt so insignificant because of T's intimate relationships with other clients who were in the room.

Then, last night, it came to me that the topic itself was triggery for me, because of my ex-husband. The topic was about infidelity, men satisfying their urges by viewing porn, etc. My ex was very much into porn and also tried to sleep with one of my best friends while we were married, which I didn't find out about until the night of my divorce.

So, it makes me wonder if those intense yucky feelings were more about my own feelings of betrayal with my ex and less about T and his other clients.

It's hard to know - especially when trying to use my brain to figure out what my emotions are trying to say. My T always says, "Does that fit for you?"....and it does. And, by recognizing that, I am feeling less yucky about T and his other clients.

So, is it that I figured out what the trigger was really about? Or is it that I figured it out in my head so that I can avoid the other uncomfortable feelings about T and his other clients?

Maybe it's really both....because of course there doesn't have to be just one reason for it.

Anyway, I have T today in 6 hours and have a horrible migraine to boot. Wish me luck!

SpiritRunner · Feb 17, 2011, 08:57 AM

you could be right about the trigger......and right that it could be a mix, because usually things tend more to shades of gray than just black or white (at least to me, the way I tend to think!