[granite1]

i didnt get a call today telling me that i have an appointment with my T so i have definately been terminated.WOW i mean i am ok with it and all but i am scared to go looking again .i kind of am min shock that she let it be this way but it is whatever.now i just need so much help and strength to start looking for a new T.i cant believe she didnt even check to see if maybe i wanted a referal or anything.she must have really hated me so much WOW

[(JD)]

Whaaa? I must have missed other posts you've made about this... you and your T discussed this earlier, right?

It's so difficult to change Ts, but one can always hope that it will turn out for the better, and in your own best interest. Many times the T bails on a patient because of their own inadequacies with particular disorders, so don't take it as they hated you.

[SpiritRunner]

(((((((granite))))))) I don't think it means she really hated you.....maybe she thought it was better to simply let you be, maybe she thought you preferred not to hear back? I don't know, but I don't think she hated you....
I wish you much grace and strength in your search for a new T.

[lastyearisblank]

I can't believe anyone would have hated you! I think it is hard to be fired (even for a psych) but she is dealing with it with not a lot of maturity...

[WePow]

((((((Granite))))))) Sometimes a T will be silent instead of doing anything - if they think that doing something may result in further harm.

[granite1]

it was me who called and left a message on her answering machine saying i think it would be best that i not come back or something to that affect and thak i wanted to say thank you for your time and help etc...but that things just wernt working out.god it sounds like i am breaking up with a highschool boyfriend....anyway so i know it was me who ended it but WOW i just thought maybe she would accually want to hear it from me on the phone or atleast offer some referals of something.but whatever i just want people to know it was me who quit she didnt fire me.

[embracinglife]

I am confused. Did they terminate you because you missed the appointment? OR did you have a warning about something? What happened?

[embracinglife]

Oh okay. Well you could probably call her and ask her for some referrals if thats what you want. I'm sure she'd be happy to give you some.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by embracinglife

I am confused. Did they terminate you because you missed the appointment? OR did you have a warning about something? What happened?

no i didnt miss any appointments i quit not last tuesday but the tuesday before that.i called and left a message that i wasnt comming back

[lastyearisblank]

I would really not want to take any referral that comes through someone I fired anyway. It seems like an odd service for them to have in the first place. But it is important kind of like the t saying, well no hard feelings... very hard not to have that closure..

[granite1]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

I would really not want to take any referral that comes through someone I fired anyway. It seems like an odd service for them to have in the first place. But it is important kind of like the t saying, well no hard feelings... very hard not to have that closure..

exactally but i do know it is my fault by doing it this way but it still hurts and i am terrified to try again i really am

[ECHOES]

She just didn't call. I don't think that means anything but that.
This is your therapy, and if you want it, you will need to call and say that since you last said that you didn't want it.

[lastyearisblank]

It's easy when you have that reserve of trust and you know it's going to be ok-- but right after you get burned is probably the worst time to seek help again.

But it's so worth it. Maybe take small steps--you don't have to commit to a whole course of therapy. Just a phone conversation... where you can see if this is someone who feels trustworthy enough to open up to...

[granite1]

so angry and confused

[lastyearisblank]

It's ok ..

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by WePow

((((((Granite))))))) Sometimes a T will be silent instead of doing anything - if they think that doing something may result in further harm.

I agree with this.....sometimes there wouldn't be any right words or words that wouldn't hurt further. Sometimes silence is the best, or the most right, thing to say, in a sense.
Maybe you can think of it as getting the last word here with this T, granite!
Anyway, I am thinking of you....

[zooropa]

granite, I have a feeling that if you decided to call T again, she would be happy to hear from you. Try to find a quiet moment and look inside and see whether you truly feel you are done with this T.

If not, call her.

If so, then know that there ARE other Ts out there with different styles and approaches to therapy. I know looking for a new T is hard, but you can do it. and you're not alone.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by granite1

i didnt get a call today telling me that i have an appointment with my T so i have definately been terminated.

Were you kind of hoping to get a call even though you were the one who terminated her? Maybe you really don't want to quit after all? It seems like it has taken you so long to warm up to this therapist, and start to talk in session--why do you want to end that?

Originally Posted by granite1

WOW i just thought maybe she would accually want to hear it from me on the phone or atleast offer some referals of something

I think they are obliged to take you at your word and honor your decision. There is probably something in their code that says they must allow a client to quit if they want (because of the power differential--it can't appear that they are twisting your arm to stay).

Granite, I think your relationship with this T needn't be over if you don't want it to. Do you want to see her again? If so, can you call her and make an appointment? You can just tell her you changed your mind and realized how valuable therapy has been after all, etc.

One thing I wonder is why you terminated with her by leaving a voice mail? You have such a special relationship with this T. She has really hung in there with you, and you with her, week after week. I wonder why you wouldn't honor that and talk to her face to face about such an important thing? My guess is that if you had spoken to her face to face, you might have gotten some of the comments and reaction from her it sounds like you're disappointed you didn't get.

I also wonder why your first post of this thread was written so that it sounded like your T terminated you, and not the opposite?

[granite1]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Were you kind of hoping to get a call even though you were the one who terminated her? Maybe you really don't want to quit after all? It seems like it has taken you so long to warm up to this therapist, and start to talk in session--why do you want to end that?

I think they are obliged to take you at your word and honor your decision. There is probably something in their code that says they must allow a client to quit if they want (because of the power differential--it can't appear that they are twisting your arm to stay).

Granite, I think your relationship with this T needn't be over if you don't want it to. Do you want to see her again? If so, can you call her and make an appointment? You can just tell her you changed your mind and realized how valuable therapy has been after all, etc.

One thing I wonder is why you terminated with her by leaving a voice mail? You have such a special relationship with this T. She has really hung in there with you, and you with her, week after week. I wonder why you wouldn't honor that and talk to her face to face about such an important thing? My guess is that if you had spoken to her face to face, you might have gotten some of the comments and reaction from her it sounds like you're disappointed you didn't get.

I also wonder why your first post of this thread was written so that it sounded like your T terminated you, and not the opposite?

i think the only reason i would call her and ask her if she will still see me is because i am afraid to contact someone else.i ended it because she scared the heck out of me the last time i saw her.i just cant see how i can work with a T that i dont trust am am totaly afraid of.i know that everyone thinks that i shouldnt have been afraid of her and what she did the lastime i saw her .that she did nothing wrong.that may be so but the truth is that i was afraid of her and i cant just change how i was feeling.
i left her a voice mail because i couldnt e-mail her and she doesnt answer her phone you just leave a message and she calls you back.but i dont think i would have talked to her anyway i wouldnt have been able to i am to humiliated and ashaimed and scared.i could never walk into her office anyway.i also believe deep in my heart that she has not wanted to be working with me for a long time now.
as far as it sounding like my T terminated me it was not my intention and that is why i also posted it was all my fault that i quit Therapy.
just wondering is it ok to quit and know it is the right thing but still feel bad,scared and lost because it is seeming like it isnt.
i believe i tried really hard to talk to this T and to change how i am.i really am sorry i just cant open my mouth and just fix it all and be fine and go on with my life.i really wish i could.heck if i could talk she wouldnt have ever had a problem with me and things would have been fine.i have lived my whole life listening to why dont you just say something,or just talk to whoever.i dont expect anyone to understand the amount of life that just gets away from me do to my inability to open my stupid mouth and speak up.it just doesnt happen.i know all this is on me and i guess but i would change it if i could and i realy am trying

[Yoda]

When I terminated with my pdoc she wasn't expecting it and she started crying. I was really uncomfortable. Perhaps ending the relationship as you did is better than face to face. I hope you can get satisfying closure.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Granite, I think your relationship with this T needn't be over if you don't want it to. Do you want to see her again? If so, can you call her and make an appointment? You can just tell her you changed your mind and realized how valuable therapy has been after all, etc.

how in the world could i ever ask to see her again and go sit in her office and not be able to talk

[granite1]

this is a letter i came up with to my T to ask her about being able to see her again.i dont know if i will send it to her i am really confused and scared.but i now see i have this option to atleast send her a letter and put it back in her hands.it is probibly safer thare because i have no idea anymore what is going on in my head exsept total fear.i know a lot of people dont believe this but i am terrified and i dont know how to stop that.

T
I really don’t know what to say .I want to ask if I can come back and see you but I don’t know why I do ,I need to know if you have any hope that me coming there is ever going to help because I seem to have very little right now. I can’t see the point of me coming there and just sitting there unable to share with you what is going on in my head.
I want to ask you if you are still even willing to work with me. Do you feel it is even worth it? I can’t even say I would come back and be able to talk about anything. I guess for me I feel as long as I am able to keep coming there maybe things can change .I don’t know.
If you don’t feel you can work with me any more please just throw this letter away and let it be. I totally understand. It’s a huge thing I’m asking and if you don’t feel you can work with me it won’t be helpful at all if you try. I probably shouldn’t even be asking you this and I probably should just let it be what it is. As it is right now I have no idea what is best and ok and I am hoping maybe you do, and if you feel that it isn’t a good idea for me to come back ill accept that.
thank you
G

[Can't Stop Crying]

In the beginning of my therapy, when I was dealing with huge trust issues and feeling particularly vulnerable, I quit several times. My T always took me back. He said he never was quite sure if he should call me or give me my space - maybe your T is having a similar dilemma? My first session back after I quit (I quit 3 separate times) was always uncomfortable and he made me talk about why I felt the need to quit in the first place. Maybe this isn't quite the same as your situation, but in hindsight, going back and facing what chased me off in the first place helped me grow

[Melbadaze]

Granite, STOP! before you create a drama around this, you need to find out for sure, we here can only guess, you are the one that can find out for sure.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

Granite, STOP! before you create a drama around this, you need to find out for sure, we here can only guess, you are the one that can find out for sure.

fine i'm out of here.didnt realize i was doing this here thought i was aking for help and support not guessing or anything WOW sorry everyone