but WHY??

9 times out of 10 it is because I want to know the answer.

it can. it can also be used as a defense against truly considering what has been said. can you give an example of when you asked why and she asked you not to?

No way! There is an answer. Just that we may not know it right now.

How about asking WHY inside -- you don't have to ask out loud, if it irritates other people, but you don't have to stop asking yourself, anyway... Then trying to figure out the answer yourself, if those "other" people won't give it to you.

I think that is what her T is trying to make her to do. Try to think about it first and THAN ask, not ask automatically.

Maybe instead of asking "How come?" she would have liked you to ask, "T, your next client isn't here yet and usually you give me extra time if the next patient is late. You aren't doing that today and I'm wondering what the reason for that is?"

Maybe if she knows what is behind the "why" she would be more apt to give you a reason?

I don't know though, I'm not a mind reader of t's unfortunately. I wish I was.

I always ask "why?" because I really want to understand! It's not a defense mechanism, it's not being childish, it really is all about trying to get to the deeper meaning of things. I do a lot of root cause analysis at work, and one of the most important tools is to keep asking why until you've found the true root cause of the problem...you can't fix it if you don't know the true cause. I tend to apply that to my life as well. Additionally, I'm just really curious and like to learn things.

I know that some people find "why?" annoying, so I've started reframing it to "Can you help me understand the reason behind..." That makes it sound less like I'm just not accepting the answer and more like I want help to understand the deeper meaning (which is truly what I want).

Sometimes, I think people find "why" annoying because they don't have the answer to the question but don't want to admit it. If I ask why and someone doesn't know, I'd rather they just admit it...and then offer to explore the answer with me! I'm never trying to be difficult when I ask.

Can you give more examples Cats of when you asked why?

Excellent point!!!!!

Good idea, Thanks!

Thanks so much useful information that applys to me here!!

"Why do I have to feel my feelings before i puke or purge?"
"Why doesn't my family do things for me?"
"Why do I feel like this?"
"Why do the voices always come back?"
"Why am I hallucinating again?"
"Why is the sky blue?" -Just kidding!

Pachy and Venus thanks for the advice!!

THese seem like valid questions.

Thanks Sannah!

I think that those questions for the most part warrant a legitimate "why". No?

Yes........

Thanks Sannah!