T tomorrow, don't wanna go....

BlessedRhiannon · Mar 09, 2011, 11:57 PM

It just hit me...I really don't want to go to T tomorrow. This past month, every session has been so emotionally charged for me! My T is awesome, and the sessions have been good - I've gotten a lot out of them and the last two especially, have left me feeling really good. But, I've been talking about some very difficult things, and I suddenly just don't want to anymore! I feel embarrassed about the things I talked about last week. I feel embarrassed about bothering my T with a couple emails last Friday (even though she said I should email her and it wouldn't be a bother...I'm convinced I did bother her). I just feel really, really awkward and don't want to go! If I could cancel, I almost think I would...but she has a 24 hour cancellation policy. So, I'll go, but I don't want to!

mixedup_emotions · Mar 10, 2011, 12:18 AM

Oh, I can certainly understand that feeling. There are many, many times when I don't want to see T - because of feeling embarrassed by my neediness, or what I disclosed, or how I reacted to something, etc. YUCK. But T has a way of accepting me just as I am and being so ok with it. It's hard, though, not to project our own thoughts and feelings onto them....I assume that my T feels one way, and then he tells me something totally different. Kinda makes me think I'm not the mindreader that I thought I was.

I can also understand that pesky 24 hour cancellation policy. My T has that as well, so I'd have to pay the full rate instead of my co-pay only. There have been times that I canceled anyway - that's how much I didn't want to see T...However, most times, it has worked as a deterrent, keeping my commitment to see T.

I hope you are able to face T and share how you're feeling.

BlessedRhiannon · Mar 10, 2011, 12:39 AM

Thanks MUE. I hope I can talk to my T about this...I know she'll listen and understand, I just don't know if I can say it!

Quote:

However, most times, it has worked as a deterrent, keeping my commitment to see T.

Yup - it's very much a deterrent to canceling. I can't afford to pay for a session and not go.

mixedup_emotions · Mar 10, 2011, 12:42 AM

I find it so hard to share difficult things verbally with T. I am much better at writing it by email, while he's not looking at me and I don't have to see his initial reaction....

PTSDlovemycats · Mar 10, 2011, 02:30 AM

You know what they say. when you don't want to go, that is when you NEED to go! I'm just sayin'...

becoming_unbroken · Mar 10, 2011, 02:44 AM

I also really don't want to go!! I got really angry with my T last week and I'm a bit embarrassed about it because I really didn't mean it!
I'm feeling to tired to deal with emotions at the moment.

So just to let you know I feel the same way! I hope it all turns out better than you expect.

sittingatwatersedge · Mar 10, 2011, 06:48 AM

hi there,
would you like some company today? I will ride with you.

Can't Stop Crying · Mar 10, 2011, 06:52 AM

It happened to me yesterday...I really did not want to go out of fear of the embarrassing things we talked about in the last session. I started the session by saying...I'm scared to be here...he knew exactly why I was saying that. He said..you haven't felt like that in a long time, I'm glad you decided to come

Hope this helps!

mixedup_emotions · Mar 10, 2011, 07:32 AM

I have a T session today too...and now I find myself not wanting to go at all...UGH. So, know that you are not alone right now....

sugahorse1 · Mar 10, 2011, 09:06 AM

You guys are all doing the right thing by going! And PTSD is so right about this being the time you NEED to be at T. Tell T as you arrive that you feel... Whatever it may be. They do understand and care. They don't judge us, and can adjust the pace to our needs
Xx
Thinking of you all

BlessedRhiannon · Mar 10, 2011, 12:01 PM

Thanks to all, and I'll take all the pocket riders that want to come. Session is in 2 hours...need to leave in about an hour and 15 minutes...still don't wanna go!

Suratji · Mar 10, 2011, 01:03 PM

I'm with you BlessedRhiannon. Your thread has made me realize that for the first time ever, I also don't want to go to session tomorrow. Maybe I'll get sick or something and have a good excuse

sittingatwatersedge · Mar 10, 2011, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suratji

I'm with you BlessedRhiannon. Your thread has made me realize that for the first time ever, I also don't want to go to session tomorrow. Maybe I'll get sick or something and have a good excuse

Suratji, got a spare pocket? I should have asked for some company yesterday, I cried the whole hour. You folks give me a lot of support & I'd like to return it

see if you can't manage to go; and see what happens.

Suratji · 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Suratji, got a spare pocket? I should have asked for some company yesterday, I cried the whole hour. You folks give me a lot of support & I'd like to return it

see if you can't manage to go; and see what happens.

SAWE, I'll probably go because what's the alternative? Quit therapy completely? Considering that but now I don't want to disappoint T because she been so so so helpful. Thanks for your support. And yes, don't forget to get some from PC before (and after) your sessions.

Sweetlove · Mar 10, 2011, 01:38 PM

I'll come along!

BlessedRhiannon · Mar 10, 2011, 04:46 PM

I went. I told my T how I was feeling. I had a very hard time talking, so we spent a lot of the session sitting in silence. When I did talk, it was so very difficult. It SUCKED!!! My T is still awesome, though. I started having a panic attack, and as I was trying to work through it on my own, she quietly said "remember, I'm here for you" Wow - just wow - just hearing that was enough for me to calm down. She said all the right things, all the things I needed to hear. At the end of the session, she asked me to email her with an update later. So...I'll be going back next week, and we'll keep working on stuff, and hopefully, things will get better.

Suratji · Mar 10, 2011, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

I went. I told my T how I was feeling. I had a very hard time talking, so we spent a lot of the session sitting in silence. When I did talk, it was so very difficult. It SUCKED!!! My T is still awesome, though. I started having a panic attack, and as I was trying to work through it on my own, she quietly said "remember, I'm here for you" Wow - just wow - just hearing that was enough for me to calm down. She said all the right things, all the things I needed to hear. At the end of the session, she asked me to email her with an update later. So...I'll be going back next week, and we'll keep working on stuff, and hopefully, things will get better.

Thanks for letting us know how it went. How wonderful to have an awesome T! But too bad the session sucked.

PTSDlovemycats · Mar 11, 2011, 03:06 AM

Glad that your T was so helpful for you!

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T tomorrow, don't wanna go....

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