[Suratji]

I had called my T on Tuesday to discuss my idea of taking klonopin before a difficult session tomorrow. She thought it might be o.k. but that I should test it first (I've only used it occasionally while flying). I did test it yesterday and it helped immensely. We've talked about this on another thread.

My unreasonable hope is that she would voluntarily check with me about how it went and to discuss whether I should take it tomorrow or not. And that I not have to be the one to call her.

Has anyone experienced a T calling without you asking them to call?

[Perna]

I don't think it's an "unreasonable" hope but it is a hope nonetheless; your T needs to know what you would like, she can't read your mind. Why didn't you form a plan and say you would test it yesterday and would she please try to call you last night or today to discuss how it worked for you and if the two of you would like to try it for tomorrow?

If it doesn't feel like that would be good enough, like that would ruin it for you, then there is something else going on, unrelated to the med use experiment.

I would discuss your hope with your T tomorrow as you are discussing what you decided to do about taking/not taking the med.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Yes, I have had my T call me before without asking her to call me.

No, my T never initiates contact but always responds when I initiate contact- we explicitly agreed this at the start. I really struggle with randomly initiated contact by Ts- it makes me too unsettled and obsessive and deeply unhappy. I'll try to explain...

Let's say we have a hard session, and T texts me to check if I'm ok. Great, I feel cared for and safe and seen. But a few weeks later, we have a hard session. In my mind, the 'pattern' is already established and I wait for her to text me. She doesn't- maybe because she didn't realise how hard I found it, or she is busy, or any other reason. I feel devastated, not cared for or seen, and quite unsafe. I try to work out what I did wrong. Maybe it was because of something I said or did... I go over every single thing I said and did since the session when she did call me. I try to work out what I should do differently to get what I need... be more distressed in session? Escalate after the session?

^^ Sounds crazy, but I hope it explains. Sitting and waiting and hoping that somebody noticed what I need doesn't work for me. Asking for what I need, and receiving it, does work. And now I'm not waiting and hoping anymore, I'm a lot more free to live.

Perhaps you and your T could discuss more explicitly how your out-of session contact works e.g. might she initiate contact sometimes if she's concerned, or will she always wait to hear from you?

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by Improving

No, my T never initiates contact but always responds when I initiate contact- we explicitly agreed this at the start. I really struggle with randomly initiated contact by Ts- it makes me too unsettled and obsessive and deeply unhappy. I'll try to explain...

Let's say we have a hard session, and T texts me to check if I'm ok. Great, I feel cared for and safe and seen. But a few weeks later, we have a hard session. In my mind, the 'pattern' is already established and I wait for her to text me. She doesn't- maybe because she didn't realise how hard I found it, or she is busy, or any other reason. I feel devastated, not cared for or seen, and quite unsafe. I try to work out what I did wrong. Maybe it was because of something I said or did... I go over every single thing I said and did since the session when she did call me. I try to work out what I should do differently to get what I need... be more distressed in session? Escalate after the session?

^^ Sounds crazy, but I hope it explains. Sitting and waiting and hoping that somebody noticed what I need doesn't work for me. Asking for what I need, and receiving it, does work. And now I'm not waiting and hoping anymore, I'm a lot more free to live.

Perhaps you and your T could discuss more explicitly how your out-of session contact works e.g. might she initiate contact sometimes if she's concerned, or will she always wait to hear from you?

Oh yes, you've explained it very well. I can see how problematic it might be if she did contact me. Thanks for the insightful comment.

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't think it's an "unreasonable" hope but it is a hope nonetheless; your T needs to know what you would like, she can't read your mind. Why didn't you form a plan and say you would test it yesterday and would she please try to call you last night or today to discuss how it worked for you and if the two of you would like to try it for tomorrow?

If it doesn't feel like that would be good enough, like that would ruin it for you, then there is something else going on, unrelated to the med use experiment.

I would discuss your hope with your T tomorrow as you are discussing what you decided to do about taking/not taking the med.

I love your feedback. thanks for replying. It's given me something to think about.