[BethD1980]

I know this is not the norm, but me and T have a very intimate relationship, She asked me once to help her with putting songs on her ipod, so i said sure, i took it home with the cds she gave me ( which was like 500 songs, so it took me forever) so whenever she needs more songs on her ipod ( she uses it for work) she asks me. So when I drop it off to her, sometimes we meet at the beach, or at her house and we play with her dogs, ( me and my 10 year old that thinks of my t like an aunt) we've gone for walks together, last night i dropped off her ipod and she had dessert for my daughter ( she seems to enjoy loading her up on sugar and then sending her home) and she showed my daughter the rest of her house, and we went outside to play with her dogs,. I love having this kind of relationship with her and realize most people would love to have the same. She is going to take me and my daughter out for lunch for me helping her out with her ipod. Ju ( my daughter) cant wait, she loves spending time with her. Ju told her she wants to go to group therapy, t doesnt have group therapy but she does do weekly breathing sesssions, she taught Ju how to breath and now she wants to go to the sessions. i breath with t every week so im not thrilled about going but ill give it a try. anyhow, im just rambling. Im just happy to have this kind of relationship with her, and felt the need to share.
Beth

[ladyjrnlist]

I don't want to burst your bubble, because it sounds nice, but this sounds like it's outside boundaries for client/T relationship. Just be careful.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I'm glad that you like your relationship with your T.

For me, it's not something I'd want. I like having boundaries with my T. I don't think I'd trust her as much if she were also my friend...I wouldn't know how to deal with such a relationship. I like the fact that for one hour a week, I have a specific place I can go to feel safe and a specific person I can trust to listen to me and not judge me and give me helpful feedback. If I saw her in a friendship type relationship outside of therapy, I feel like it would cheapen the theraputic relationship I currently have.

There are times I wish I'd met my T as a friend first, because I think if she weren't my T, we'd be good friends. BUT, I'm sooooo very grateful she IS my T and that I have that relationship with her instead.

[red8326]

I also have a close relationship with my therapist. She is going through an awful time right now (she is getting a divorce) and has confided in me what is going on. On one hand I love that we have a friend relationship on top of the therapy relationship but I wonder how long this can go on. I don't see how we can stay friends AND stay in a counselor/counselee relationship. One of these is going to have to give and I don't know which way to turn. I've been with her for 6 years and she has helped me a great deal. I feel like we are at a crossroads and I don't know which fork to take. I don't even know if its my choice... do I actually have control over which fork we take? Doesn't she have all the power? I think I need to go to counseling to talk about my counseling relationship

Originally Posted by BethD1980

I love having this kind of relationship with her and realize most people would love to have the same.

Hi (((((((((((Beth))))))))))))))))

I love my T and if we had met outside of therapy, I would love to be friends with him. We share a lot of interests and we share a sense of humor. I like to be around him.

But, I didn't meet him outside of T, and for me, I need him to be my therapist. I treasure the boundaries. He is SUCH a good therapist, and I want to know he is there and available to be my therapist for as long as I need him. I was in a "therapy" relationship before (with the youth minister at my church) that turned into more of a friendship..and then the boundaries were blurred even further and it didn't turn out well for me. So for ME, having T as my T is a gift that I wouldn't trade for anything.

I'm glad it works for you...you seem happy about it. I hope that it continues to be healing for you.

[dizgirl2011]

I can understand why this feels so good..most of us day dream about such a relationship. For me I just wish my T was my mum, I adore her, respect her and look up to her so much.

Tecnically though the boundaries have been completely broken here and I wonder if in time, i you remain friends if you will need to find a different Therapist because the reason Ts work is that they differ from friends - they don't talk about there personal life (or at least not to a great extent) and they focus on the client completely. Having the boundaries means they remain objective and you feel safe from criticism or judgement.

e.g. on an outting with your T she may let slip about someone she doesnt like etc and then as a client you realise she may think these things about you - hence you start to feel unsafe.

again i understand how wonderful this must feel to have this person you idolise to a certain extent, involve you in their lives so much - it is something most of us can only dream off but there are pitfalls so please be careful

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by BethD1980

I love having this kind of relationship with her and realize most people would love to have the same.

I'm very close to my T but don't wish for this type of relationship. I'm not sure I could maintain it, if that makes sense. I like us how we are. Plus, I would have a hard time having a relationship with someone who can't figure out how to put songs on an iPod. JK. I'm glad you have such a positive relationship that works for you.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I have a similar relationship with my T like you do but I must caution you that Boundaries NEED to be firmly set....Just a precaution...

[Omers]

I had a similar relationship with my first T. It really helped me a lot. We went to the same church and were both very active so it was hard to avoid each other. We were really good a keeping therapy therapy and the friendship just friends... except once. She asked me how I was doing (I was a mess) and I gave an honest answer. Well, come to find out she had a rotten day too and was asking just to be polite. She yelled at me but we got past it.
I had another T who took advantage of me that way though. When I told her how much I liked her and how sad I was that we couldn't be friends she said that "of course we can be friends". She changed a lot of the boundaries to be more flexible and helped me out a few times. But my gut said something was off... the lines weren't as neat and tidy as they were with first T. So I asked her about it and started getting lies. Our therapeutic relationship went in the crapper. Come to find out she lied about being friends "so that I would feel comfortable with her". There were a lot of things I did with her that I wouldn't have if I had known I was just a client... but none of them were related to therapy.

Trust your instincts. If it works it can be WONDERFUL... but when it doesn't... well... I am still working that out with current T... Who had the courage to say no... Our relationship stays in this office and stays therapeutic.